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Original poster

What would you do differently with second baby?

30 replies

Wherethereshope · 30/09/2020 22:21

Just that really..

I read far too much with DS and had this whole feeding/ sleep plan in mind.. you can guess how well that went! I Used to worry about him not napping in his crib when really I just needed to hold him.

This time I vow to be more chilled with the knowledge it works out in the end

How about you??

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Disappointedkoala · 30/09/2020 22:58

Rest more after giving birth - definitely planning on just staying in bed for a few days with the baby.

No ridiculous googling of routines, sleep patterns, symptoms that don't really exist. My instincts are pretty good now I think!

FirstTimeBumps · 30/09/2020 23:31

I'm doing things and spending money where I didn't last time. If it makes life easier it's worth it IMO. Co-sleeper crib, Snuza monitor to ease my anxiety. My other half pipes up about these things being unnecessary I tell him to sshhh

calimommy · 01/10/2020 00:00

Roll with it. Sleeping plans are for the birds. Three babies and I tried so many things. But mostly I learned to let go and just accept that the tiredness doesn't actually kill you, and some day they will sleep. You either make babies who sleep or you don't. Same with naps, I was crazy about being strict the first time but hey ho once you have more children they interrupt nap times and have extracurricular activities etc etc. So try to get them to sleep wherever they are and don't stress if they miss a nap. Most of doing it ' better' the next time is just changing your attitude to be more accepting that something's are out of your control. Good luck! X

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 01/10/2020 00:13

Stress less about him not taking a dummy or bottle. Embrace having a tiny parasite on my boob for hours. Don't feel the need to pump a bottle so dad can do a feed - harder work and more stress than just feeding him straight.

Bernardstolemywatch · 01/10/2020 00:17

Not spend 2 miserable months crying, all of the bloody time, because my baby wouldn’t ‘get’ breastfeeding. I will enjoy this baby more.

TableFlowerss · 01/10/2020 00:27

That you can’t control everything. Babies have a mind of their own and it’s more often than not that they lead they way and we just follow on their journey....

Mind, If I was to have a 3rd I’d probably feel like a first time mum again as mine are 12 and 8 now. You soon forget! I wouldn’t know what to do with a newborn now Grin

Gerdticker · 01/10/2020 02:13

I’m going to be in less of a rush to get out walking etc in the first few weeks.

I only had 3 stitches, but still managed to bust one by taking Baby out in the sling in the second week.

This time I’m not changing out of pyjamas for two weeks, not doing any real exercise for at least 6 weeks, possibly longer.

I will be less panicked about losing baby weight - breast feeding plus exercise and good eating habits meant I was back to my original size in 9 months, which on reflection is a healthy amount of time :)

Original poster
Wherethereshope · 01/10/2020 06:48

Sounds like we're thinking on the same wavelength to chill more.

@calimommy your comment about lack of sleep made me laugh.. I remember being surprised how little you need to be alive with DS!

@TableFlowerss being on babies journey is a great way to put it.

OP posts:
calimommy · 01/10/2020 06:53

Haha I'm glad I made you laugh, wish me luck following my own advice 🤪

LayingLow · 01/10/2020 07:04

Don't buy so many cute newborn shoes and outfits because they wont wear them.

Just relax, if the house is a bit messy its not the end of the world im not super mum.

Don't feel the need to have the whole family round the day im back from hospital just because they want to.

My advice to myself and you may take somthing from it too haha x

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 01/10/2020 07:07

Pregnant with number 2 and IM not entertaining visitors or trying to clean up during the first couple of weeks- feed and sleep in the plan

Bobojangles · 01/10/2020 07:14

Main thing I did different was cosleeping (following lullaby trust guidance) I was so much more rested! I'll be doing it again with no3 when I need to

Pearsapiece · 01/10/2020 07:20

All of the above! And reusable wipes! I wanted them with ds but didn't have the confidence. I'm going for it with dc2 as I know they will be so much nicer on their skin. I'm also going for bf this time. I bottle fed ds on the naive thought that it would be easier.. It wasn't! It was still every 2 hours or less and a lot of reflux etc.
I'm basically going in with the view that none of it is easy but they turn into such lush little things so just enjoy each stage as it comes

linerforlife · 01/10/2020 07:28

Spend more time doing skin to skin in the first weeks - especially napping in bed like that while establishing feeding. It's my fondest memory of newborn life and I'm sad that I didn't realise it would be the last time I did it, the last time I did it IYSWIM.

MsChatterbox · 01/10/2020 07:35

My second is 3 months old. This time I have done what I wanted and not succumbed to outside pressure. I have also not felt the need to justify what I'm doing. I am absolutely loving it.

TakeMeToYourLiar · 01/10/2020 07:38

@LayingLow

Don't buy so many cute newborn shoes and outfits because they wont wear them.

Just relax, if the house is a bit messy its not the end of the world im not super mum.

Don't feel the need to have the whole family round the day im back from hospital just because they want to.

My advice to myself and you may take somthing from it too haha x

Wish I could follow this advice.

Pregnant with my second and seem to be personally keeping Frugi in business.

Whatthedoodle · 01/10/2020 09:07

With my first I was set on having a routine from day 1, feeding every 3 hours and making sure everything was organised to within an inch of its life between feeds. With my second so breastfed rather than bottle fed so feeding was more rigid however I had a much more relaxed approach to motherhood, I wasn’t anal about keeping everything organised and neat I just went with the flow. I found DS2 created his own routine that was easier to stick to when I let him take the lead. I also spent more time enjoying him as a newborn rather than worrying about the place being immaculate. with DS1 I was up and out every day to try and stay busy and active, second time round I spent more time at home sitting and staring at DS2 and honestly, I feel like I appreciated every moment of the newborn stage with my second. I realised after DS1 how fast the time goes and once I had taken that into account it allowed life to slow down and be enjoyed a bit more!

iloveyoubutilovememore · 01/10/2020 09:24

CHILL THE F OUT

iloveyoubutilovememore · 01/10/2020 09:29

I put SO much pressure on myself last time to be the perfect mother. Never ever again. I think for most of us when you're a first timer so much overwhelms you. You listen to everything everyone says, their opinions or takes on things, the midwives put their two pennys worth in too re feeding. It was so much to take on.

A strong memory for me was when I was sat in a pub with our entire family and a week old baby, I can specifically remember not being able to eat the food I'd ordered, it tasted like cardboard. I was a complete shadow of my normal self & it makes me so sad to think I felt the pressure to do those things with a tiny baby after giving birth.

Sandcastles55 · 01/10/2020 09:53

My biggest regret with DC1 is the amount of visitors we had. I wish so much that we’d just hidden away for even a week and enjoyed her. I didn’t know Mumsnet then, but I wish I did and then I would have known that it’s normal to not want a 3 day old baby passed around 10 relatives. It’s ok to ‘hog’ this little person that you’ve just given birth to and the only person the baby wants a cuddle with is it’s mum!

I also resent the torment I went through comparing her sleep to other babies. She was all ‘fixed’ by 18 months and had a whole load of wonderful qualities that the amazing sleepers didn’t have. I was just so focused on the sleep that I didn’t always see it.

So I won’t be doing those two regrets again!

AegonT · 01/10/2020 09:56

Not trying to express or introduce a bottle or cup of milk. It never worked last time and I wasted to much time trying.

Trying harder to get napping sorted as had to rely on the car to get a grumpy two-year old to nap!

Vitamin D drops for baby from birth. This wasn't advised 6 years ago.

Cloth nappies from birth - didn't use the full-time till 4 months last time.

Less toys - I went a but crazy with my firstborn but have sorted through them and donated the excess.

bunnyontheshelf · 01/10/2020 10:23

Beat myself up over breastfeeding.

PolarBearStrength · 01/10/2020 11:27

Not give myself a hard time about being a certain type of parent. I was so determined to be a gentle, attachment parenting, crunchy mum... and it meant that I struggled through months of miserable sleep deprivation and not being able to put DS down because I felt so guilty about letting him cry at all and was so anti routine, sleep training etc. This time I won’t be able to hold DD for every second of every day and she’ll have to get used to it!

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 01/10/2020 11:31

Insist he was checked for cmpa because he just cried most of his first year and a half. I would also seek help for pnd which I had pretty badly because of the crying.
I'm pregnant with the third and dreading it.

SqidgeBum · 01/10/2020 11:38

Same as many of the PPs above; not so much googling, or listening to NCT friends who have researched everything to the point of a thesis. Not changing out of my pjs for at least a week. Not having heaps of people over just so they can take photos and ask me to make them a cuppa while they hold the baby (MIL). I am giving BF a go this time. I was too stressed to even contemplate it last time. Baby is living in baby grows, none of this fancy outfit/trying to put a pair of tights on a 4 day old rubbish. I am going to be holding this one more. I freaked thinking she would have attachment issues with the last one. Didnt make any difference. She still wailed every time I left the room from month 3 to 12 anyway.

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