Keeping pregnancy a secret is CRAP

[LaMadrilena]

I've just come on to rant. I'm 7 weeks, and the only people who know are my husband, my gym instructor and my psychologist.

I feel like shit. I have constant constant nausea and retching, and I can't concentrate WFH, so I spend all my time on MN. I want to ask my Mum how her pregnancy was to have an idea what kind of sickness I can expect. I want to explain to my Dad why I've let all my basil seedlings die (they make me vom).I want to tell my boss so she can take into account the fact that I'm being a bit useless at the moment. I want to ask friends and colleagues for advice. Also, I just want to give my family a bit of good news for a change!

Rant over!

Yes yes yes to all of this. Desperate to ask my mum about her pregnancies, would love to explain to work why I'm so useless and stop pretending to everyone that I'm fine when I feel so unwell.

Just think of it as getting the bad part out of the way, at 12 weeks the nausea will go and you'll be able to tell anyone you want. Something to look forward to!

Why can't you tell your own Mother?

I’m in exactly the same position however I’m a week ahead of you. I have a 7 month old so I’m so excited for the judgments/comments.

If you’d seek support from your parents if you miscarried, I’d tell them. I don’t tell anyone who I wouldn’t want to have to go about explaining the loss to if it occurred, but my mum knows early this time as I’d call if I needed support. I think it can really help to have one or two supportive people to chat to apart from your dp.

I told my parents and my in-laws and immediate family early on. I think it really helped (get dreadful and was very sick), and they were people I would have told had things not gone as we'd hoped x

My colleagues guessed. I think if you've been through it yourself it's not hard to spot in others.

Why not tell them if you want to? It's not a rule of pregnancy that you must not tell!

So tell them? It's up to you!

So tell them. I give chemotherapy in my job. Which you can’t do when pregnant. So every nurse I work with usually ends up fessing up pretty early that they are pregnant. I’ve never understood this whole secrecy thing. If I was unlucky and had a miscarriage, I would be a mess and would want some support.

It’s so hard to keep it to yourself but you don’t need to! Tell a select few people if it’s going to help you mentally and physically. Pregnancy is hard enough (particularly in this crazy world we live in just now) without going through any more strain.

I kept it a secret from all my family until the 12 week scan but I was comfortable with that and looked forward to telling them on Mother’s Day. I did tell my work at 4 weeks though so they understood if I wasn’t myself and I told a few friends in and out of work who had been through pregnancy so I had support around me. Mumsnet is great but it’s not the same as direct support from family and friends.

I’d say tell the people who you feel will help you get through this time x

I never got the point in keeping it a secret from people who would support me should the worst happen. It's not going to change anything to do with your pregnancy if they know, honestly be kind to yourself and share the burden. If you want to tell them, tell them.

@Treesofwood and @jdoejnr1 My parents are a looong way away! I think if the worst happened and I miscarried (I had a chemical pregnancy not long ago), the pain would be almost worse for them than for me, as the distance just magnifies the helplessness. I just prefer to protect them from that. Also, tbh, my mum isn't the one I generally run to with problems/news, we just don't have that kind of relationship.

I told my parents (and the in-laws to keep them the same) at 6 weeks because I was so poorly and felt that I could do with their support.
I ended up telling my boss (just her, not the wider team) at around 8 weeks as a big project was coming up that I couldn't commit to so thought I should just be honest as to why and also that's when my maternity appointments started coming through and obviously I needed the time to go to them.
I told people that I knew I'd want support from if things did go wrong, but everyone is different so you need to do what is right for you.

Totally agree it is rubbish. I kept my first pregnancy completely secret until after the 12 week scan and it is so hard, it actually made me feel incredibly lonely and isolated.

Am 35 weeks with my second now and this time around I took the view that if something was to go wrong in the early days there were people I would probably want or need support from... like my mum, my boss and a close friend and realised that if this was the case it didn’t matter at all if they knew I was pregnant to begin with. I then told those people and it was so much better to have someone other than dh to chat to about how unwell I was feeling and pre-scan nerves etc. Maybe you could do the same?

It's such a weird situation at the moment. WFH so no colleagues around to wonder why I'm running to the bathroom every 5 min. We're not meeting up with friends, so no one to wonder why I'm not drinking. I have pretty flexible working so don't have to explain any Dr's visits etc. I think we will end up telling people pretty soon. I quite like the idea of waiting till 12w and presenting my dad with the scan for his birthday, but I don't think we'll hold on that long!

I'm 7 weeks and have told my mum (she has no boundaries and found the pregnancy test ), my best friend, dh's best friend, and a couple of close friends who guessed I was. These are all people I would look to for support if I had a miscarriage anyway so fine to tell. My mum also told my gran because we are not sure how much longer she will live for and my mum thought she needed some happy news.

It is fine to tell people close to you if you want to. There is no rule that you have to keep it secret until 12 weeks.

Same as above, my parents are in South Wales and we are unable to see them face to face currently. I want to tell them in person not over the phone but also we aren't close and I actually wouldn't tell them if I miscarried so would rather not tell them until I've at least had a scan. Every family is different

Im 11 weeks. I told parents, sibling and best friends immediately. I've told a couple of other friends over the last week as I had a private scan at 10 weeks which put my mind at rest a little. Will wait until NHS scan at 13 weeks to tell "everyone".

I'm 6+1 with baby #4 .. my youngest is 9 months.. my partner didnt want this baby and he dosent want to tell his parents until im 16 weeks so around Christmas time! My mum knows because we are so close but I cant tell the rest of my family incase someone slips up as our families are close and I feel its not fair to tell all my family and just not his anyway.. but if it was up to me I'd tell them all.. my partner wants to wait until we have an early gender scan then tell them we are pregnant and the sex at the same time which will be good I guess because they will be so shocked and happy.. but I'm now starting to get the nausea and dont want them to be at my house and I start throwing up 😅