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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Shared maternity/paternity

15 replies

HotDiggidy2017 · 26/09/2020 17:59

Saw a thread about maternity pay which was super helpful and got me wondering how/if people are planning shared leave with their partner? Or any feedback from anyone that’s actually done it. My partner and I are considering him taking 3 months at around month 6 (possibly)

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Vortice · 26/09/2020 18:49

We’re planning to share. I’m taking 9 months and then he is taking 3. For us it works out really well financially, and it will be so lovely for him to have that time alone with the baby.

FirstTimeBumps · 26/09/2020 19:07

We shared last time. We did 4 weeks together when baby was born then I went back when baby was six months and my partner took an additional 6 weeks.

Hardbackwriter · 26/09/2020 19:10

We did it last time - I took six months and he took three; I couldn't recommend it enough. I honestly think it's why we're the most equal parents I know. We're planning to do it again this time though haven't yet decided on the split (I'd like to take a bit longer than I did last time so we're trying to work out whether we can afford longer on leave overall or whether he'll do a slightly shorter stint; possibly a combination of both).

Wnikat · 26/09/2020 19:10

My partner did from months 9-12 both times. Makes a huge difference in equalising the mental load and making sure the child is equally bonded with boti parents

recreationalcalpol · 26/09/2020 19:10

I did 4 months last time and my husband did 10 months. It worked great. We’ll probably do 6 months each this time around because he has a new job that gives him 6 months full pay parental leave.

LightsS0bright · 26/09/2020 19:12

Do you both have to work at the same place to qualify? I’ve always been slightly confused by this

FreyaFirstTimeMum · 26/09/2020 19:12

We are planning to share, husband has a month of holidays he’ll be using for the first month, I’ll be off for first 7 months, in the last month (month 7) we will both be off and then he’s going to take another 2 months off - for us it makes sense as I get full pay for first 6 months then I have a month of accrued holidays. After then I would only be getting SMP and I earn 3 times what husband does! So makes more sense financially and will ease me back into work knowing he’s at home with baby!

Original poster

HotDiggidy2017 · 26/09/2020 19:19

Thanks for the responses, this is all so helpful! For those whose partner took time after 6 months, was he on SMP level of pay?

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Hardbackwriter · 26/09/2020 19:33

Yes, he was - so would I have been and I earned more so that was actually financially advantageous for us.

leftitlate37 · 26/09/2020 19:41

@LightsS0bright im confused too! U dont have to be at same place of work but we are trying to figure how it works with diff places of work with diff maternity/parental leave pay. basically hubby would (if a woman) get great maternity pay and also gets great shared parental....whereas my shared parental isnt great - so can't figure out how it works! cos can u be better off with sharing it, than u would be on maternity alone?! need to read the docs again when got a clear head!

Original poster

HotDiggidy2017 · 26/09/2020 19:53

@LightsS0bright

Do you both have to work at the same place to qualify? I’ve always been slightly confused by this

I’m finding it quite confusing too!

Thanks for all the responses everyone, it’s so useful to read and also empowering to hear so many couples sharing the responsibility! I did hear that it’s hugely beneficial for a partner’s bonding with the baby but it’s nice to hear it from those that have actually done it!

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Fredthespider · 27/09/2020 07:28

We did it last time, I was off birth-4 months, he was off 4-6 and I went off again 6-9.

This time we’re a bit wiser and realised that as OH gets 6 months full pay it makes sense for him to be off for longer. It’s very complicated as you need to work out both employers policies and split out the 9 month statutory maternity pay to work out the most advantageous split.

For us I’ll be off from birth-18 weeks (this will be on 6 weeks full and 12 weeks half pay from my employer) OH will be off for 26 weeks (this is partly the 2 weeks paternity, plus some AL but he’s using the remaining SMP weeks allowance and will be off on full pay for the 26 weeks) we’re left with 3 months unpaid leave at the end of the 6 months should we need it but we both plan to be back at work.

Keepingcomfy · 27/09/2020 07:58

My partner is taking 10 weeks from my 39 SMA, however he'll be taking it when the baby's born so that we have the first 10 weeks together. I've got epilepsy and am worried about sleep deprivation, so having him here to share everything will be brilliant. I'm self employed though, I'm not sure if that would work if I had an employer

SarahFrances89 · 27/09/2020 10:19

It’s so lovely to hear so many of you worth partners taking lots of shares leave! My partner is really reluctant to and I’m not sure how to encourage him to as he says he’s already feeling pushed and like he can’t make his own decisions. He’s taking annual leave when I go off on maternity (at 39 weeks) then his 2 weeks paternity plus 2 weeks shared so he should be off for the first month but doesn’t want to take any more. I earn more than him so it doesn’t make sense for me to be on SMP for a long time and unpaid, though we might be able to make it work. Leaving me feeling like be values his work more than us; this is our first and all he says is ‘I’m worried about the state work would be in when I go back’. He’s not senior so I think he’s over thinking this as well as finding that more important than us :/ Any advice about encouraging him to take more would be appreciated!

Oatmilk1 · 27/09/2020 11:39

For those who are confused by it - take both company policies for mat/pat/shared leave and read them carefully. A few points I noted:

if you have enhanced mat leave, you are best taking that rather than shared at first
some companies don't allow both partners to be off on shared at the same time (so mat/pat might be best at first)
your right to shared leave is different from your right to shared pay, but if you qualify for smp then you qualify for shared pay
there is still a total 39weeks shared pay to go around (or a company may have another cap) and I think the mandatory mat leave (2 weeks or 4 in factory) is also deducted from there

Like a pp, I would like my partner to take shared leave but the conversation is difficult - perception at work blah blah blah. My approach is that I have decided that I will choose how long I have off and he can do the same. I wouldnt be happy if he told me how long to take off, so I probably shouldn't do that to him.

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