Connection to baby

[Stargazer87]

I'm 30 weeks pregnant and not sure if I feel any connection to my baby/bump? I struggle to even get my head around that there's an actual baby growing inside me! Is this normal? It's a very much wanted baby, I just wish I could feel more of a connection...

Normal for me, and my mum. I did not find it a magical feeling when baby started moving, just creepy. I also found it hard to imagine after my baby was born that she used to be inside me. She's 2 and we've got a lovely bond.

Yeah, it's fine. I'm 38+3 with my second and an not connected to it at all yet, really. It's a hypothetical until it's in my arms and I was similar with the first. I think it's a protective mechanism.

Perfectly normal.

As is not falling in love instantly you have the baby. Plenty of people feel "omg, is that my baby...."

As you want this baby I'm sure you will bond in your own time. That may he tomorrow, it may be at birth or it may be a while after birth. Jist don't stress and don't compare yourself to others.

Normal for me both times. I didn’t love them instantly either, they felt like strangers, but after a few days I did.
Don’t worry about it, it will come. If you would feel a connection it would be to your imagination of the baby. Just as nice to connect with the real baby later.

Thanks all, that's really reassuring, I was starting to worry that there was something wrong with me!

@Stargazer87 Have you found out whether you’re having a boy or girl? I found that once I knew DD was a girl, it helped me bond as I could picture it a bit more rather than just an “it” plus decided on a name which also made her feel like a real person if you see what I mean. Obviously personal preference but I felt that worked for me. I’m 15 weeks pg now and will be finding out the sex again this time for the same reason.

Totally normal. 31 weeks with second and I don’t have much time to even think about being pregnant let alone worry about bonding.
I also worry that it could all go wrong so I tend to mentally ‘keep my distance’ until baby has arrived. I know our bond will be brilliant once he/she has arrived and yours will be with your baby too.

I know what you mean about mentally trying to keep your distance...it took a long time for me to get pregnant so I spent the early days convinced something was going to go wrong as I couldn't believe it had actually happened. It's only now I'm 30 weeks it's seeming real that we're actually going to have a baby at the end of this...

It's not unusual. I felt very little connection to my baby, at one point hating it because of the pain I was in with SPD. The second I laid eyes on her I loved her with every fibre of my being and would die for her.

I think everyone is different. I felt exactly the same as you with my first baby (didn’t know the sex), but have an amazing bond now he’s here (he’s 2). I’m pregnant again and like @LittleRa said I thought finding out the sex this time might help me to bond....but it didn’t! Yeah I know she’s a girl but I still know nothing about her - what she’ll look like, her personality...and since I already have a child and now lots of mum friends I know how completely different even newborns can be! I think it’s a normal thing either way - what matters is how you feel once they’re here (and it isn’t always an immediate rush of love either, that’s fine too).

I didn't enjoy my first pregnancy (or this one!) and although I very much wanted the baby I had no connection till she was born. Movements were just reassuring that all was well, I didn't find them nice. Scans were interesting but still looked like a fetus not my baby to me. Even though I had a difficult birth and she didn't stop crying for the first 48 hours unless attached to my boobs and was an intense baby, plus I'm generally not great with kids we bonded quickly. She's five now and still highly strung but she's a great kid.

I'm 32 weeks with my second and feel practically nothing. With her brother I was so incredibly broody and excited about every tiny little baby related thing. I actually feel really guilty about how much my emotions are different.

As you are about as far along as I am I'm guessing we found out at about the same time, right at the start of lockdown. I've found that really hard. I got my BFP and made plans to tell our parents, plans that fell through as lockdown started and we couldn't see them. With covid I've felt very out of control through this pregnancy and it sucks, I don't know if we will be able to introduce her to anybody, I haven't had the family support with my older child that we had been counting on since I seem to get pretty bad morning sickness. I'm unsure what will happen at the birth and obviously my midwife can only tell me what the rules are now and nobody knows if they will change by November. All the things I wanted to do to make this easier on my son have been cancelled or look like they will be.

We've found out she's a girl and chosen a name, got lots of lovely new clothes, mostly in pink to balance out the boyish stuff we will be reusing from DS. They are adorable and I like looking at them but I can't imagine them actually being used.

Not sure that I'll actually believe that there is a baby until I actually have her in my arms and I'm terrified of that as I have no idea how I'll react emotionally. I don't know how I'll cope with 2!

I'm mostly just hoping that as I adored the baby stage with DS that that will help this time around. I really do love babies so I'm hoping that the fact that she will be a baby and snuggly and smell awesome will be enough whilst I bond with her.

I'm spending more time planning Christmas than the birth! To be fair though we have all the main things from DS and have bought the new mattress and stuff already so there is less preparation needed this time compared to last time.

There is one funny thing though, we used to go to a baby/toddler group with my DS. The last time we went was just before my BFP and it hasn't started back up yet so it looks like by the time it does start back up I'll be going with a baby none of them know anything about!

That's true, I think lockdown is having a massive impact on things, I found out that I was pregnant on the first day of lockdown and it's made the pregnancy such a weird experience, nothing like I imagined or hoped it would be. I've got friends that I haven't even seen since being pregnant and with restrictions set to tighten etc it's highly unlikely I'll have a baby shower. Most of my baby shopping has been done online and I feel like I'm going through pregnancy in hiding at home, it's such a weird experience...