Coping with BPD whilst pregnant

[Queenbee95]

I suffer from BPD. I was diagnosed around 3/4 years ago. I have been self managing without medication when I fell pregnant with DS2. He is now 2 years old. So off meds for 3 years.

Anyway.. I’m now 7 weeks pregnant again. I’ve been struggling with awful sickness and heartburn which hasn’t been helping my mood but I am at an all time low right now and I KNOW it’s not the hormones.

I’m usually great at seeking medical help when I need it, but I’m scared to tell anyone how I’m feeling because I don’t want anyone to question my ability to parent, or for social work to get involved or what not. I know these thoughts are so silly because I know I’m a great mum and I know that even social work wouldn’t take my kids, but that niggly thought is still in the back of my mind.

I also DO NOT want to take any sort of medication whilst pregnant, I did at start of DS2’s pregnancy and it made me really ill (sertraline). I was put back on anti depressants in January, but I took them only for a month then stopped again. I feel like I haven’t needed them/managed myself.

I’m unsure what to do now, I’m scared to have people look down at me or whatever.. I’m scared I’m slowly losing my mind too.. help?!

In all honesty, I would seek help sooner rather than later. Your parenting will not be questioned for getting help. I don’t think meds do much for BPD anyway, it’s more cognitive. However, hormones will make your symptoms worse (they always do!)

I’m about 6 weeks pregnant and I am making sure I get mental health support in place ASAP, even if I don’t feel too bad. I know I can go downhill quickly, and can be a self harm risk. I understand the fear of social services etc as this stopped me from seeking help when my kids were younger.

In short, seek help. You will not be judged for wanting to be well.

It's hard, weirdly the hormones sort of evened out my BPD and I think I'm the most stable I've ever been haha but it's different for everyone.

I suffered with HG but now that it's settled I feel fine.

Get help ASAP though, no one will look down on you and no one will take your baby away - you know how BPD can be and you don't want to end up in a downwards spiral.

@Queenbee95 do you have a mental health team for your bdp? Have you had any treatment already?
I would contact your local team if you have one or get a referral from GP if you don't.
It is early pregnancy and i don't think anybody will judge you for seeking help or question your parenting. Quite the opposite.
They will probably try to make sure you are having some counselling regularly or therapy like DBT and most importantly a proper follow-up.

Don't leave it until it's too late. You know yourself and your limits ofc but don't delay seeking help because of fear or being judged.

Could you talk to your midwife?
Mine is aware of my past mental health issues and just told me, whenever i feel something is up i just need to say it and i will get help asap.
She wasn't judgy at all, quite understanding in fact.

Bpd*

I haven’t seen the midwife yet, my booking app is next Wed. I just have all these silly thoughts in my head and it’s making me feel like I’m losing control.

I’m scared to talk to my partner about how I’m feeling because he’s seen how bad it can get and I’m worried he might freak out too. I just really feel like I’m at wits end right now

I was signed off from psychiatrist when DS2 was 4 weeks old (June2018). Have only seen gp/MH nurse around 4/5 times since then regarding my BPD. So I’m unsure on who I to call or whatever, last time I spoke to a gp (jan/feb) I told them I was thinking about suicide and they literally just fobbed me off. Makes me feel like I don’t want to go back again..

Let your midwife know how you are feeling and ask if she can refer you to a perinatal mental health service. Keep an open mind about medication. It is often used in pregnancy these days. Antenatal mood disorders often lead to postnatal ones, so best get help now. Mums that have good insight into their mental health and seek help do not attract concern from professionals.

@Queenbee95 i would go back to gp and clearly say that you don't feel safe in your current state and you need support asap.
If you don't want to share with your partner, it is your choice, but i would think that he should know especially if you aren't in your best days currently. He could probably support you going through this. But again if you aren't comfortable, then just talk to your gp as emergency. They should refer you to the mental health services.

Alternatively you can always wait for your MW booking appt.

But if you feel like you need help urgently, you can find your local helpline here

www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

I had severe post natal depression with DS1. But I was ok with DS2.

Medication made me feel horrid last time so I know for sure that I don’t want any whilst pregnant - made me constantly sick and actually faint quite a lot.

It’s just a nightmare with the gp as I can’t request a specific one (someone I like/trust), you are just given who they want to give you and that’s that.

Thanks everyone for your help