Start of post natal depression?

[najs89]

Hi,
Sorry in advance, this is going to be a long, rambling post. I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant (young and first baby). I'm a bit worried about post natal depression. I have a history of depression and anxiety but I've been controlling it well myself the past few years without medication. Up to this point in my pregnancy I've had a few off days but overall mentally I've probably been better than ever. But the past 2 weeks I've been feeling very emotional and at times just numb. I'm struggling to tolerate people even though they've done nothing wrong I'm just overwhelmed and find I often just want to be alone. I've even started ignoring my parents calls. It sounds ridiculous but when people are around me getting excited about baby etc. I just feel like I want to get away from them. I'm really excited to meet my baby but I'm full of anxiety (lots of silly little things and big) I'm worried that I'm also not bonding with my bump. I'm hoping it's just because I've had a difficult pregnancy with complications. Lots of new changes too, losing job, new home, getting married in less than a week. Apart from job loss all these changes have been amazing and I feel really good about them. I'm hoping whatever I'm going through right now is just hormone overload but I'm terrified this is the start of post natal depression or something along those lines. I'm struggling to open up to anyone about how I'm feeling. I don't feel comfortable talking about how I'm feeling or my concerns with my midwife as she comes across a bit up herself and intimidating since my first appointment. I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for but I feel I just needed to get it all out.

TIA ❤️

Your hormones really ramp up towards the end of your pregnancy and it's only natural that you're anxious and worried.
You've had a lot of changes going on and time to adjust clearly is still ongoing, but you sound like you're doing brilliantly.
I haven't really bonded with my bump, if anything I find it quite annoying and a nuisance more than anything else, despite the fact I'm super excited to meet my little bundle.
I'm the say as you and suffer with anxiety and small spats of depression and always managed it myself, as I'm not a tablet taker. I avoid pills at all costs if I can help it.
Talking is vital though, so using a forum like this or even speaking with your GP, if you don't like your MW is key as you need to get out how you're feeling.
Just know you're not alone with how you feel but you must must must let people know. Bottling it up will make it worse.
Confide in your partner if you can, or even an old work colleague or friend you're not massively close to, if you don't want your nearest and dearest to know. You won't regret it 💐💐

It sounds like you've got a lot going on at the moment and it's pretty normal to feel anxious about these things even if they are mainly positive.

Having a baby is a huge change and adjustment but when you finally hold your baby, I'm sure that will help you lots. I used to worry about so many things pre baby but luckily they seem to throw challenges at you at a manageable pace and there are so many amazing moments between the bits that are less so.

If you get postnatal depression; it sounds like you have past experience and the tools you need to get through it. There's lots of support and help out there and when your baby is a few weeks old you'll move on to the health visitor who you may feel you have a better connection with.

You'll be ok. Try and take one day at a time and know it's normal to feel like you do. You're really not alone.