Mental wellbeing.

[Fruitloops34]

Hi all,

Guess I’m looking to just offload a little.

I’m 7+1 today and since 5 weeks I’ve been tired, nauseous, sad, upset. The list goes on...

So little bit about my circumstances, I’m in a same sex marriage and I would say I’ve always been a bit of tomboy but knew very early I wanted kids.
Luckily my wife also wanted kids but as I’m older (middle 30s) I decided to try first. We used a donor and I fell pregnant with HI.

Now it’s been really hard from me as with all the normal pregnancy symptoms, I’ve been feeling like maybe pregnancy wasn’t for me all along. I don’t want to feel this way but somehow my mind is thinking it. I feel weird to think of this little thing growing inside me.

I feel weird for even thinking this stuff and I do try to explain it to my wife but she finds it hard to understand. I’m convincing myself it’s the hormones and I will feel better with time but every day is struggle currently. My mum suggested talking to the midwife(who I haven’t even spoken to yet) she was assigned to me by another midwife.

I feel like I’m rambling on and I don’t want anyone to think that I don’t appreciate the fact that I’ve been able to get pregnant(I know some women long for that) I just can’t help feeling how I do. It’s almost like a oh crap what have I done feeling.

Did anyone else experience anything similar at all?

Thanks

Yes, with my first baby! I used to tell people I wish I could just lay an egg and sit on it, that growing a baby inside you was weird. People looked at me funny so I stopped saying it.

I mean, it is a bit like having an experience from an alien movie, isnt it? That thought of another living person inside you - it is miraculous and bizarre.

Eventually I found other people who felt the same (admittedly not the hatching an egg part, that seems to be just me...) it is quite common so don't worry.

When the baby started really moving I found it very disconcerting, and I got absolutely HUGE and was overdue by two weeks, it was all a bit horrifying. I couldn't name the baby in advance, I just didnt feel ready to accept she was arriving.

And yes, this was a planned, very much wanted pregnancy and I'm a (mostly) caring, sensible person.

Guess what when the baby arrived I didn't bond immediately, but within a few weeks I was smitten. Absolutely indisputably in love with my daughter. And I breastfed her for 11 months without for a single moment feeling grossed out or weird about it.

So - you can't predict how you will feel about these things. Don't get hung up on it, just accept you feel what you feel and wait and see.

PS I didnt feel so weird when I had my second baby, but i made sure i didnt gain as much weight which definitely helped.

Honestly? Being pregnant isn’t for me. I’d go as far as to say that I hate it. It’s a means to an end. It makes me feel shit physically and emotionally but thankfully having done it once before, I do now know it ends. You don’t have to be all grateful about it if you don’t feel that way. Antidepressants are a viable option if you feel like you need them down the line, and usually you can get talking therapy quite quickly if you are pregnant or recently have been so you have options.

It’s good to hear other women who felt the same as me. It’s kinda like a feel shame in saying it but honestly it’s not for me.

I’m not really big on taking medication and feel it would be better if I could just speak to someone. Bit scared the midwife thinks I’m going to be some kind of unfit mother.

Guess it’s all just the unknown.

I was so naive to pregnancy, I honestly thought I’d be cartwheeling down the street feeling amazing! It’s honestly got to be the worst I’ve felt in my life. Like a hangover over and over again.

I hate being pregnant. Looked up all the details of private sterilisation providers in my area after a few days if morning sickness with my second pregnancy .

@SnuggyBuggy

Not sure how you could do it a second time!

I have mad respect for all the women on here who have done this more than once.

One other thing OP is after feeling awful for the first 12/13 weeks BOOM a switch flicked and I have suddenly started feeling myself again which helps even if the pregnancy bit is still weird. I read people say that but it literally can be a switch. So see how you feel week by week. If you have the resources try and have an early scan. Seeing the baby at 7 weeks and then how much it had grown by 11 weeks helped me feel more excited.

Your body is working so hard so feel what you have to as long as you are safe.

You and you wife could try a baby book too Clemmie Hooper is a good one. Just helps to know you are not the only one. Gives your OH some insight into what you are going through even as a female I could never had appreciated this until I experienced it so your wife will needs educating too if you see what I mean.

Sending lots of positivity x

I feel you on this one. We tried for 3 and a half years to concieve and I'm now pregnant through IVF. I've been so ill with it for the last 5 weeks I feel a bit like "what have I done?!" I honestly thought being pregnant would feel amazing and that I would be so excited and happy but I've been miserable. The only thing keeping me going is hearing that a lot of women feel better in 2nd trimester.

@serialplanner - my best friend said the same that at about 13ish weeks everything changed. She found she had more energy and things generally improved so I’m really holding on to that. I will defo give that book a try(anything at all to help)

@Robson13 - You sound exactly the same as me, we’ve tried for over 3 years and I think I got so used to it not working month after month that I never prepared myself for it to actually to work. I also never prepared myself to feel so horrendous, as I said up there a few posts ago I honestly always believe apart from some MS, women felt amazing in pregnancy. I was so stupid and naive to not have a clue.
It’s the unknown, the nausea, the fear of birth all mixed into one. Sometimes I think I’m just not strong enough to do it. But now I don’t have a choice, I’ve just got to get on with it.