scared of labour

[teddybear28]

Hi all, currently pregnant with my little rainbow girl, I am 32 weeks on Monday, never made it this far before, didn't think I would ever see the day! But as November is drawing in closer my due date is the 9th, I'm terrified of labour, weather its having to do it on my own because of COVID to thinking i might die in labour, to just everything. Does/did anyone else have these fears, did anything help?

Thanks!

I think it’s completely normal to feel the way you do.

Before I got pregnant, I was terrified of giving birth. The idea of the pain of it wasn’t one I relished. By the end of pregnancy, I was looking forward to it as I was so uncomfortable! It was actually a really amazing experience. I can hand on heart say I’m looking forward to doing it again (any day now!)

Have you spoken with your midwife about your concerns? Also I didn’t do it myself, but I know so many people advocate hypnobirthing.

@teddybear28 I'm due on october the 26th, and i m scared of being stuck on a postnatal ward afterwards more than I am of the labour itself. we're in a local lockdown area and birth partners are still allowed but they've not changed the visiting rules since April so no hope that will change, i feel like I'm going to be stuck between discharging against medical advice and being alone and my mental health suffering if we can't leave the day baby is born.

What I'm finding helpful is avoiding any part of social media where people will complain about the restrictions, because otherwise I keep getting quite angry about the whole thing and I'm focusing on that I'm quite close to the hospital so I can easily try to be at least past the magic 4cm.

It's better at the midwife unit restrictions wise at the moment so keeping my fingers crossed that's an option, are you able to consider a midwife unit for your birth?

I was TERRIFIED. I used to lie awake at night and freak out. I have been scared of giving birth since I found out what birth was. It's totally normal. Imagine telling someone they are going for a surgery with no anaesthetic and they wont even tell them how long it will last. They would be scared too!!

However, when it came to it, I just got in this zone. It was hard and mine was very long, but it was weirdly manageable. I had no pain killers either.

I am due DD2 on the 2nd of november, and I am nervous but not terrified. I feel more determined with this one, like being scared will hinder rather than help me. I have been doing pregnancy yoga (free sessions) with a woman on instagram called Lucy.flowyoga (I think that's her name). She talks a lot about breathing and pain relief and hypnobirthing and overcoming fear. I also bought the hypnobirthing book by katherine graves. She is a little hippie for my liking but her logic is good, and the mp3s are very helpful. I have also paid more attention to the anatomy of birth and labour, looking at YouTube videos (not birth videos. More diagrams). I figure knowing what's happening will help. The main thing is keeping the idea that each contraction is one step closer to it all being over and the baby being there, and getting DP/DH to help you control your breathing so you minimise the panicking.

The best thing about labour is that it ends. And that you don't have clear memories of it.

And labour has a purpose, which helps. I found the positive birth companies course really helpful.

I am due at nearly the same time as you OP and it’s also my first baby! I have also been feeling really scared about labour.

The things I found helpful so far -

• read Practical Ways to make your birth Better by Siobhan Miller who is like a hypnobirthing specialist. I had literally no interest or confidence in hypnobirthing, thoughT it was a load of old rubbish, but the book actually explains to you really clearly

How labour ‘works’ and it makes sense. It gives you realistic strategies to help manage the pain and worry (I’ve found the breathing techniques useful and have been practising them in other situations where I have felt a bit stressed) it also helps you prepare if you do need to have some help and intervention so it’s a really realistic account of what birth is like. I think she also runs the Positive birth company but I think the course on there is quite expensive but there are some good YouTube videos and an instagram account which I found useful.

• talk to your midwife - mine was great and she booked an extra appointment and just let me spill out all of my worries and we talked through each one in turn and that helped me a lot.
• try to allocate worry time! Around 6-7 months I became seriously paranoid and obsessed and spent ages on here reading birth stories and negative things. With the help of my hubby I’ve managed now to just give myself a few minutes (usually each day to be fair) to worry and research and then once my worry time is up I distract myself with something else!

Good luck!!! X

Just coming up to 38 weeks and I posted quite a while ago now having a melt down about giving birth!
Whilst still apprehensive I'm totally fine with it now.
I thought I was in labour at 30 weeks and I was beyond calm and shocked myself at how ok I was.
At the end of the day baby is coming out one way or the other.
Whilst I understand your scared because you are carrying your rainbow baby, the midwives are amazing and will take such great care of you. The longer your pregnancy goes, the safer things become when your little one decides to enter the world.
Try and breath and reboot and enjoy these last weeks of your pregnancy as you will get to the point where you just want baby out! I am totally at that point now! 😂

I don't know if this will help or not but, I absolutely LOVED labour and I'd do it all over again if I could (we have two school age and hubby says no more 😥). Yes, it hurts,
but the pain serves such a wonderful purpose. Your body knows exactly what to do and it's an incredibly empowering experience. The best thing you can do is try your best to relax, go with the flow and make the most of G&A it's amazing. I bought a hypnobirthing cd for my first and it wasn't me at all 😅 (didn't even get a look in during labour!) BUT the little booklet that came with it, saying how amazing our bodies are gave me so much confidence. My first labour wasn't the smoothest but there was absolutely no sense in worrying about it - I trusted the midwives and doctors to do what was best (I'm high risk) and it all worked out.

Try to look forward to it and that little bundle you'll be cradling when it's all over. It's one of the best things you'll ever do.

P.S I truly believe that my confidence was heavily influenced by a co-worker who used to say the same thing to me when I was expecting my first - that she LOVED it. I tuned out to all of the horror stories that people seem all to eager to share - I think deep down we all like to share in a little drama but forget the impact that it can have on those that are intently listening.

It’s completely natural to worry about the unknown, and in our minds we worry all about the horror stories we hear and the negative things but you have to remember that people will always talk about the negative things much more than the positive things.
I’ve learnt to try and not worry about the things we cannot control - and not to worry about things that are in the future. So try and focus on the daily things that are in your control like buying the stuff you need for baby, or packing your bag or whatever. Use these things to distract you from worrying.
Try and imagine positive images of you with your baby. Think about how great your body is to be to carrying a baby.
Once in labour try and remember that it will end with the best gift of all.

Yeah as soon as you're pregnant, everyone wants to tell you terrible stories. Shut those people down.

If you want stories, listen to the positive ones!! I sought out my two friends who'd never told me their stories. I knew they'd be 'bog standard boring birth stories' and it helped.

Yeah when someone says my second cousin's friend.... just say 'I'm sure it's a great story, but i need to focus on my own birth story right now'.

I'm 36 weeks OP.
Thing is, you have to go through labour to meet your baby. Nothing you can do about it, so best option is to try to stay calm and positive.

Plus late pregnancy is so uncomfortable that i for one will just be glad to get baby out.

thankyou all for your messages and advice and support, means alot. I know labour is the only way to meet my little one and im fully aware of that doesn't stop the mind from wondering though! I will take a look into some of things you have all suggested, wishing everyone the best of luck! Like you say people are quick to share the bad stories of birth before the good because if its easy its boring, but thank you all, need to work on some stuff myself but hopefully will be ok!

Labour is extremely painful but so so so worth it. If someone had told me straight after that i had to do it all over again to be able to have my baby I would have done in a heartbeat.
It’s such an amazing experience really - your body just knows what to do - women are incredible!
How bad can it be if people just to do it multiple times 😂

Choose to do it not just 😒

It's honestly not that bad! It's what our bodies were designed to do. Definitely recommend Hypnobirthing - it's brilliant for reframing birth - yes there are strong sensations but it's not like normal pain (which is a sign that something is going wrong), it's productive pain, a sign that your body is very very healthy and is doing what I need to do to birth your baby 😊

OP I had my second baby yesterday - I’m writing with her sleeping on my chest. I’d really recommend hypnobirthing. I’ve used it during both labours. I used the online course by the Positive Birth Company already mentioned. It’s not hippy dippy or woo nor does it promise you a perfect birth. What it does it help you to focus your mind and reframe your thinking to help you cope with the twists and turns that labour can take. My first labour was the idealised water birth - lovely! This time I had to have an unplanned induction due to meconium in my waters

• the absolute opposite of what I would have chosen! But, the hypnobirthing principles I used helped to keep me calm and feel as if I was still had some control over what was happening to me. Two very different births but in the end two positive experiences.

I'm not due until January, but I'm absolutely terrified. This is my third baby! Both my other labours were very straight forward, and the second was 5 hours from start to finish, so really, I have no idea why I'm so scared this time. I don't think I was the last twice, but I do know by the end I will be so fed up and uncomfortable I'll be desperate to go into labour.

Labour can be the most wonderful experience I promise! I loved mine. I’m apprehensive but excited to do it again in 7 weeks or so!

Yes it hurts, but it’s good, productive pain and very manageable if you learn to embrace it and relax into it

An awesome book: Natal Hypnotherapy by Maggie Howell will give you so much confidence

This is a great video to see how births can be that aren’t dramatised for tv or film..! Do watch it xx

www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLO7ax2cAzhvmF-qqZcQDeZ52I7hLNlw9I

Sorry the great Maggie Howell book is actually called ‘birth preparation’

It is fantastic, whether you want to do hypnobirthing or not x