Child Arrangement help!!

[Helpmexx]

I had a my daughter 12weeks ago, I want to know how easy it is to get a Child Arrangements Orders, I want my daughter to live with me. He doesn’t support her, I’ve looked after her since she was born, he refused to come see her so now I have to let her go to his house 6hrs a week on a Monday aagast what I want, with a few bottles of expressed milk.

He said he wants her 2weeks then me two weeks which I refused. He works for him self so it’s possible for him, but for me how am I to find a job that gives me every 2 weeks off it’s not doable, plus I’d rather be home looking after my baby girl.. am I the only one that thinks it’s crazy ???!!

He is more than welcome to come see her whenever he wants but chooses not to. He left me when I was 4months pregnant he made this choice not to be a family. I refuse to lose her.

Also he told me to stop breastfeeding as he said I was using it so he can’t see her. I’m breastfeeding he because it’s what’s best for her.

Can I get a Child Arrangements Orders and be her primary carer as I am already? Or will he be able to get one?

I don’t want to do 50:50 I don’t think it’s good, I think a child needs a permanent home and Stability.. am I wrong?

Who said you have to let her go to him for six hours on a Monday?

@TheFoz

He said, plus he wouldn’t come see her and I wanted her to see him, plus he wanted to go to court and I was scared about losing her. I’ve been reading a lot about how courts are giving 50/50 so I wanted to try stay out of court but now I want to get a child Arrangement order. He doesn’t even pay maintenance!

You cant stop him having you child 50/50 eventually , but at the moment she is far too young.

Little and often is usually considered best for very young children. Would he agree to take her for 2 hrs, several times a week instead of the long monday stint?

Also, he cant stop you breastfeeding. Its the best thing for the baby, and its the baby thats important, not what your ex wants.

@TheFoz

He’s sister and mum was coming down here to see her and he got jealous and stopped them to, so now she only sees them when she goes up on a Monday. I was trying to do the right thing and be ambicle but I’m not even happy with her going anymore and want to say no. But I’m not sure how far a court will go ?

You need to go to court to get a proper access arrangement in place and to get maintenance set up. Do not send your baby to him for six hours, he can’t demand anything off you. She is a breastfed newborn baby and six hours away from you is far too long. Has he even got a Moses basket or crib for her to sleep in?
Don’t let him bully you.

But I just want to know in general can I get a residency order, I just want her to live with me full time and see him.

@PheasantPlucker1why can’t I? I’m shouldn’t a child have one permanent home with one parent?

@TheFoz so I can go to court, I thought they may give him 50/50 maybe after 1 when she’s not breastfeed! I just want her to live with me full time I don’t think I’m asking for much as her mother she should.

Get a lawyer

It's not as easy as that and also at the same time it's very simple.
It's simple in that you have care of her so you can tell him that you no longer agree for 6 hours contact. You can offer him shorter periods either at your house or a suitable nearby place he chooses. You hold the cards there.
It's also much more complicated in that firstly you have to go to mediation before you are allowed to apply for a child arrangement order and also it's unusual for the resident parent to apply for one unless there are safety concerns.
Your best course of action I think is to put in writing that the current contact arrangements aren't in her interest and set out what you are prepared to offer. If he does go to court they will likely order the status quo to be fixed or increase contact so you really need to stop the 6 hours ASAP.
You should facilitate contact with his family if you want her to see them - don't abide by his wishes!

@TheFoz No he doesn’t, she sleeps on the sofa when she is there. I used to take her but he’s step dad was really rude and disrespectful and said he didn’t want me in the house so now I’m not comfortable

Helpmexxx because your child has two parents.

However, 50/50 access is not on a fortnightly basis as thats too long for a child to go without seeing a parent, and its a long way off.

No court will take a breastfed 12week old baby off for you for longer than a couple of hours.

@CodenameVillanelle
Thank you, I will stop the 6hrs ASAP, I’m not even comfortable with it.

He won’t come her at all, he refuses.

I thought as her mother i could get it or it just went without saying that she lives with me full time. But I will try mediation

Thank you x

You have this exact same post in both of the parenting and pregnancy sections. Might be worth moving it to legal where more people will see it.

@CodenameVillanelle I know it’s it’s not normally the resident patrent that applys but I just wanted it set in stone so he can’t go behind my back and apply him self. Because he is saying he wants her either every 2 weeks for 2 weeks for 4 days a week.

@bungleZippy12

Perfect I didn’t know where to put it lol

Your child has two parents so you have to share....you can't get anything saying she permanently full-time lives with you unless her dad is classed as unfit by social services...I think you need to work on accepting the fact you have to share your daughter

Mums dont get any more "rights" than Dads, what matters is whats in the best interest of the child.

Obviously at the moment thats to be with you, as youre breastfeeding. Definitely do mediation for now, but try not to worry too much about the future. Even if it does end up 50/50, it should build up to that gradually.

I have 50/50 with my ex. At first it was hell, I missed them terribly but as they get older and you get used to the situation it gets easier. Honestly!

People seem to have forgotten she’s 12 weeks old. She only needs you. There’s so benefit to her being away from you - her only home, comfort, food source. No. If he won’t come to you and see her then say he can go to court and pursue access that way. No way the court award contact away from you or for 6 hours at a time at this age. It won’t happen. If he doesn’t have a safe place for her to sleep you can’t let him take her anyway. A sofa FFS? That’s shockingly dangerous. It’s also awful for her to have no access to you for feeding for so long. You don’t have to stop feeding at a year either, if it’s working well for you and your baby then please carry on as long as you want to.

Why won’t he come to see her for an hour a time at yours? If he wanted to see her that’s what he’d be doing. He’s clearly not got her best interests at heart so fuck him. He also doesn’t sound like he’ll be bothered actually going to court given his lack of engagement to date. You might think it’s good for her to have a relationship with him but she doesn’t have a clue who is at the moment - because he hasn’t put the time and effort in to get to know her! If it’s because you need a break, and fair enough, can you lean on trusted friends of family? Are you in a support bubble with anyone?

All this talk of fucking “fairness” disregards a newborn’s right to what’s best with her, which is her mum, access to a feed whenever she fancies it, consistent care from the only person she knows and relies on.

Have you applied to the CMS for maintenance from him? Does he work? You don’t need to go to court, just apply online.

[quote Helpmexx]@CodenameVillanelle I know it’s it’s not normally the resident patrent that applys but I just wanted it set in stone so he can’t go behind my back and apply him self. Because he is saying he wants her either every 2 weeks for 2 weeks for 4 days a week.[/quote]
Even if you applied he would then get to argue for what he wanted in court.
Courts don't grant orders unless there is a need to ie the parents can't agree between them without conflict. A court is a court - ie both parties get to argue their case. You wouldn't just apply for something and get what you want. He might even get more contact if you went to court.

No way the court award contact away from you or for 6 hours at a time at this age. It won’t happen.

Except that the 6 hours is an established pattern, so yes, the court could definitely order that it continues.

You can appply for a child arrangements order to say where the child should live/be cared for and a contact order to say which other family members she should spend time with and how often. Google C100 form. There is a fee unless you are on certain benefits and you don’t need a lawyer to do this. Unless there have been safeguarding concerns for your child or unless there has been domestic abuse between you and dad you will need to have tried mediation before applying to the courts for an order. At present if dad is named on the birth certificate you have equal parental responsibility- this doesn’t mean he can force you to allow your tiny baby to spend 6hrs away from her primary career at a time because he says so. Make decisions in her best interests not to meet his needs.

I have a child arrangement order in place for my son and his biological father. My son was a few months shy of 4 years old when it was put in places after his dad having little to no interest in him since birth so I imagine my experience with it differs due to their age, however, when we went to court it was decided that it was in my sons best interest to have a very gradual build up to a relationship with ex P. Starting with 2 hours then leading up to an overnight stay. I would imagine given your child’s age, it would be a gradual process so not necessarily straight in with 6 hour visits. I’m not sure how child arrangement orders work outside of court but if going to a family court, it would be frowned upon that he has been offered visits with you and declined.