First time pregnancy and difficult family

[firsttimemamax]

Hi all!

I don't really know what i want from this other than maybe just a hand hold? Similar experiences? Anything i guess...
So a bit of background, I'm 24 and me and my partner are expecting our first baby, I'm 13 weeks pregnant and we're just getting through the process of telling family and eventually friends.

My family life has always been turbulent and difficult, my mother being a massive raging narcissist has never supported me through anything and only ever made me feel like i need her approval. They live about 4 hours away from me (their decision to retire far away, which did me a favour i suppose) so I don't have to see them if I don't want to which is lucky, but the pressure i get from other family members to maintain a relationship is far too much and breaking me down.

So cut a long story short, I'd been a key worker through COVID in a care home, which effected me as it was such a difficult time, so that is something i am always trying to cope with on the side, once the home was clear of COVID i left as it was effecting my mental health badly and my partner didn't like seeing me in such a bad way.

The support I've had is basically none...and now we're expecting! I asked my parents if we could come and visit them (to tell them the news) and my mother took a really nasty turn on the phone, gave me abuse as she usually does and told us not to come. So instead, i sent a lovely card to them to tell them the news as i wanted it to be a bit more personal than a text message or Facebook message.

Fast forward to today...i get a phone call from my dad, telling me they'd received the card and mother isn't happy... I'm not entirely sure why she;s not happy but I've been asking myself that question my whole life. She hasn't bothered contacting me and i am petrified of the nasty text i will probably receive sometime this week. I just feel scared and awful. It's not like i care what she thinks of me too much, I've spent all my life doing what she wanted me to do, but I'm worried for the abuse I'm going to get or the nastiness i will endure sooner or later.

I;m so tired of living in fear of my parents and worrying, I don't want it to negatively impact our pregnancy but I'm finding it hard to enjoy so far because of my mum.

Sorry for the long read, just needed to get it off my chest i suppose... but if anyone has any advise or experiences it would be much appreciated.

Love and light

Xx

Stay strong.

Hi everyone!

Thank you all so much for your kind words, it really is appreciated and every time i get a new comment its like it gives me a new strength! I have such an optimistic attitude for the new year and decided not to take any crap off anyone, least of all my mum! She's practically out of the picture now anyway, i think she has got the message but at least i know ill be strong enough to deal with her should she pipe up again.

It really helps knowing there are others in my situation and that im not alone, it also helps that it validates that I'm not the crazy one and she is definitely the problem, they're so good at making you feel like you are the one in the wrong.

Wishing you all a happy 2021 and hopefully it is a better year for us all!!

Xx

Similar issues here, second pregnancy which I’m keeping quiet as long as possible as I just don’t want the negativity or gossiping at what should be a happy time (no reason to gossip either but it’s what happened with my first and it caused so much upset and stress!) you do what you need to do to have as stress free a pregnancy as possible. When baby comes you likely won’t even care about her opinion and chances are she will completely change her mind and decide she is happy about it and want to be a Disney grand parent.

Hi OP,

Happy New Year to you and congratulations on your pregnancy.

I’ve just read all of your posts and I’m so glad you have gone NC with your mother. I think it is the only thing you can do for your own mental health. Continue to be strong and don’t let her or the rest of your family try and drag you back into her narcissistic behaviour.

Hi Op, glad to hear your feeling more positive! How is your pregnancy going ? I bet we could spend a whole evening dis using the drama these family members bring into our lives and still only touch the top of the ice berg !

Be prepared when baby arrives she will try to make contact as it's "seen" to be the right thing, this happened to me with my nan I was polite but still kept her at arms length. I don't want her bringing her kind of drama into my little boys life