Not excited to be pregnant.

[Gemc81]

So I'm 5 + 4 on my 3rd pregnancy. First one was a miscarriage and second was a pregnancy of unknown location (self resolving ectopic). Both ended the exact same time (to the day). At the time the doctor said it was just bad luck and one was not related to the other but I feel so down about being pregnant again. I can't help but feel that it's going to go the same way.

My previous 2 pregnancies I had little to no symptoms that disappeared. This time my boobs are bigger I have choppy stomach that comes and goes and at times I get indigestion. Nothing really strong.

I know that there is every chance that this pregnancy will be successful and even if it isn't worrying isn't going to alter that. I get moments where I'm dying to tell people and then I immediately chastise myself for that as I don't intend to tell anyone until we have had the 12 week scan (we didn't do that last time and told friends and family so had to tell people again when we lost the pregnancy).

Is anyone else struggling with this kind of thing? I feel completely robbed of any excitement for this pregnancy....

Yes. My first pregnancy ended with a stillbirth at term. I got pregnant again 4 months after and didn’t mention it to anyone I wasn’t related to! Wasn’t excited. Didn’t plan or buy or attend classes or make mum friends. Got fat- but people probably to scared to mention it. Took me a long time to bonD with the baby. Wish I’d got some counselling at the time really. Is this something you could look in to?

Idk about the counselling. I don't know if it's just the waiting part that I'm struggling with.

I sort of feel (and please anyone reading this is my personal feeling that I'm sharing) that your situation is so much worse. I can't imagine the pain you went through with a still birth - I see it as so much worse than the situation I've been in.

I just feel horribly negative about the whole thing. Like I'm just going through the motions and waiting for this one to end too....

@Gemc81 sorry about your losses. As much as doctors call tell you they're not related and you can logically look at them and go "two different reasons, it was just chance they were the same time", it's hard to get that thought shifted from your head. Would an early reassurance scan help?

@PlanBea I am not sure. I might have a scan if I get to 7 weeks but I had a scan with my first pregnancy and there was a heartbeat but we still miscarried.

Hopefully I will feel a bit better as the days get on. I dont like feeling this way at all!!!

I know what you mean I had 4 very early miscarriages the 5th time I was pregnant I was booked in for an early scan I was very negative and quite grumpy about it. I really couldn't relax until the 12 week scan and as every week went by I was then more hopeful and with that came excitement. He is now 7 😀

Hi @Gemc81 We're at the same stage of pregnancy, almost to the day! I've had 2 early miscarriages this year and after being excited about this pregnancy to start with I'm now feeling so anxious I don't know how I'll get through to 12 weeks+ when I could start to relax a bit.

@pumpkinpie01 that's how I feel. I really do hope that I will feel more hopeful with each passing week.

I am a member of a FB group for pregnant ladies all due the same month and I had to mute the notifications because I felt like a Debbie downer all the time lol!

It's nice to hear that you had a successful pregnancy despite so many miscarriages. It just grinds you down after a while...

@Semele5069 oh that's nice to have someone a similar way along as me! I hope that too so much. I feel awful for being this way since it's hubs first baby too and I feel like I'm spoiling it for him.

I would have an early scan I think. Just not for a couple of weeks. I feel like booking one is jinxing it

Hi @Gemc81 I’m the same. I have a toddler but while ttc no. 2 I’ve had an early mc at 5+5 in Jan and a MMC where I didn’t find out until 12 week scan in May. I’m now 5 weeks pregnant again and I really vary between being optimistic and excited, and just trying not to think about it because it could so easily go wrong again. I have a scan booked for 8 weeks but it feels so far away.

@Gemc81sorry you had such bad experiences. I've had similar (MMC at 13w). I had early scan at 8w, as I had to tell my work. That made the whole MMC so much worse.

Second time I got pregnant I actually refused to get excited, after 12w scan I was still not telling people (only my family) and I only started to be "happily" pregnant and told people after the 20w scan.

Now pg again (about 9w) and despite having a healthy baby at home I am still worried something will go wrong. MC spoils the pregnancy, imo, for many people as it's a strong negative experience and 99% of time no one can tell you WHY it happened or WHAT went wrong.

Also not sure if you’ve seen this website but it gives you a % chance of miscarriage depending on how far along you are. Although the numbers are alarmingly high at first I do find it reassuring to see them dropping a little bit every day...

datayze.com/miscarriage-chart?mode=table

@BeeMakesTea I think I will have a scan before the 12 week one but after the time period I usually lose the pregnancy. I can't imagine the heartbreak of getting to the 12 week scan and finding out there was a MMC. My sister had one I believe with her pregnancy but I didn't know about it at the time. Thank you for the link I will check it out

@ZooKeeper19 the most frustrating thing is that you don't know why. And then people say "oh well at least you can get pregnant" which I know they mean positively but it's really no use if you can't keep a pregnancy. If they could say why it happened that would be some comfort but there isn't any. So you just sit and worry. I've never been one who was desperate for kids - my husband is more so - but now I'm having trouble I feel like a failure. My body isn't doing its one job you know?

@Gemc81 I know what you mean but it sounds like both your miscarriages were different so it probably is just down to bad luck. I was due to start some treatment when I got pregnant the 5th time so I was actually annoyed because I was waiting for my period so I could start it but then got a positive test. I remember thinking 'oh great I've got another miscarriage to get out of the way before I get my period now ' . It is disheartening and frustrating and of course upsetting and I honestly thought it wasn't going to happen but it did , please don't give up hope and let us know how you get on x