Thinking of having a second baby

[flatwhite99]

Hey MN,

My first baby is nearly 12 months old and my DH and I have been discussing another baby.

Thinking of trying at the start of next year.

I found my first DH difficult at times but am really starting to get broody again.

Could anyone shed light on their second baby, the gap and what it's like?

I don't know whether to wait or just go for it!

(I'm ready for the person who comments and says only you and your husband can make this choice. I already agree, but it's great to get insight into others with experience and I don't want to have the discussion with friends who have more than 1)

DC * 🤣 - not first DH!

You must go with what’s right for you, however I have found everything steps up a gear between 1-2 years (for us it was a complete game changer!) and the thought of adding a newborn into the mix would scare me. I’m currently pregnant with DC2 and when he/she is born my DC will be 2 years and 2 months and personally I wouldn’t want a smaller gap - I’m even nervous now at the thought of it. I’ve read a few threads on mumsnet that say a 3 year age gap is the ideal but for us between 2-3 was perfect! Good luck with whatever you decide xx

Our DD will be 3 1/2 when we have our second. We couldn’t afford another without the free childcare that starts the term after they turn 3. But knowing how .....challenging..... my DD has been I wouldn’t want it any other way!
I have a friend who had little ones very close together and the youngest is starting school and they are getting their independence back already so there are pro’s and con’s to both.

we have 2.5 years between ours. Older one is actually a good help with the baby! Its tough though with lack of sleep!

@Britannah

You must go with what’s right for you, however I have found everything steps up a gear between 1-2 years (for us it was a complete game changer!) and the thought of adding a newborn into the mix would scare me. I’m currently pregnant with DC2 and when he/she is born my DC will be 2 years and 2 months and personally I wouldn’t want a smaller gap - I’m even nervous now at the thought of it. I’ve read a few threads on mumsnet that say a 3 year age gap is the ideal but for us between 2-3 was perfect! Good luck with whatever you decide xx

Interesting! Does it get harder between one and two?

I've found it's got easier as he's getting older! What have you found that adds to it? Just interested to know.

Appreciate the feedback too! Especially the info on 3 year gap!

Thanks for the feedback, I haven't found lack of sleep a problem and wee one is so chilled. He just goes with the flow.

It's obviously hard at times and exhausting at others but I just love it.

3 of my friends are pregnant and I think it's make me seriously broody! But I don't know whether it's because I miss being pregnant and all the lovely things that come with that or I actually want another new born 🤣

The second one is easier in some ways (you know what you are doing) and harder in others (newborn plus toddler). I have an 11 month gap on purpose and it’s never been really hard the way the first weeks with number one was.

I have a 3 year gap
To be honest I was absolutely blown away by how hard it was-going from 1-2 is a game changer I think and I massively underestimated how difficult it would be

Now that my youngest is out of nappies it's getting easier and I do think the age gap is good, but jesus it's been hard

@MobLife really?

What would you say are the hard points/aspects?

I really appreciate you all taking the time to respond.

I think there are pros and cons to every age gap. I went for 3 1/2 years and I've found that the eldest is old enough not to get super jealous, he was out of nappies, and sleeping through too. He even fetches things for me when I'm stuck breastfeeding 😁 I personally found it easier going from 1-2 than 0-1, but maybe because I found it really hard to adjust to being a mum the first time round.

I wasn't loving it during lockdown so much though, thank goodness for schools opening 🤣 if you can afford to put the eldest in childcare for a little bit each week, it'll make it easier for you and give you one on one time with your baby. I really missed out on that this year.

From experience a 3 year gap is easier than around a 2 year gap. Older child that bit more independent which comes in handy if you're stuck under a feeding baby etc. Also have a better understanding of what is going on and can be very helpful. That said I don't regret my under 2 year gap at all as the DC get along very well (though very aware that this isn't all down to the gap).

Go for it OP, I had a very small gap between my two, having said that my first DS was a much easier baby than my second, but no regrets at all.

Interesting! I don't know what to do! 🤣

I turn 30 the year after and I'd really like to have had both my babies so I can celebrate my birthday as well.

I really didn't enjoy being pregnant and missing out on things the first time round!

I found ages 2-3 very tough. So recommend you do it now for a close age gap. Or wait and go for a 3+ year Age gap.
To be honest though, I’m sure it doesn’t really matter. There will be pros and cons of both xx

Just remember when you're pregnant with your second it's not like the first time where all your attention could be on that 😆

The second is often completely different to the first. My friend with a small age gap keepa trying to put me me off as so much stress, but im also broody!

I've heard 3 year gap is good but it's still hard. Always hard haha.

If you want to keep working and have childcare costs that’s a big thing to consider, I went for a 3.9 year age gap so that I didn’t have to pay for two in nursery at once.

I found the worst part was the last month of being pregnant, I just wanted to sleep and my three year old relentlessly wanted to play really physical games. I imagine it would have been even harder with a less understanding one year old or two year old. But if you have family help that would make a big difference.

I got pregnant with my daughter when my son was 15 months old. It is the perfect age gap to me and everything about it was lovely. My children were each other's best friends and still are even now that they're adults. Personally, I never found the toddler years hard, and I loved every minute of it. It can be tiring, yes, but I had so much fun with them.

My first born is now 9 and currently pregnant with DC2. DD always wanted a brother or sister to grow up with but I was never in a position to have another until now. A small age gap can be very difficult, my friend had 2 close together and they’re constantly competing against each other and can be awful to each other, but growing up alone can be just as hard on them. I’d say go for it, yes it might be hard but they’ll be close as they grow up

Great! Thanks Ladies!

Sarah Ockwell Smith has a book called Second Baby Book and it has some really interesting considerations. I listened to it on audible when I was pregnant with my second already, but regardless found it quite enlightening. But she, as many others above, also concludes that there are pros and cons to any age gap..

20 months between my 2, found out I was pregnant again the month before my first turned 1. It's hard having 2 in nappies but I love the gap as they are already beginning to 'play' together (2 and 6 months) and my oldest spends a lot of time trying to make his brother giggle - its nice watching the bond forming between them.

I have found the transition from 1 to 2 fairly easy but i never had much chance to get used to sleep again before #2 arrived so he's just slotted right in! It is tiring but nothing compared to how overwhelmed I felt first time round. My oldest has moments of jealousy - usually when I'm nursing so I often let him cuddle in and have a story whilst I feed and he likes being included in that.