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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

unsure what to do about my pregnancy

5 replies

d232323 · 06/09/2020 20:20

I just found out today that I'm pregnant. My period was late and I finally did a test, and when it was positive, I did another one which was also positive and indicated 1-2 weeks.

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, but this is where things get tricky.
I don't want to go into too much detail, but basically, my boyfriend is in the middle of a criminal investigation? I think you would call it.
He's out on bail currently, and because of covid, it'll be a few years before he goes to trial. I have no idea if he'll be convicted or not obviously.
We can't live together because of this, but I'm trying to move to him so that we can be together.
Obviously a baby is going to make things way more complicated, and I'm really scared to tell him. I think he's going to say it's bad timing and that I shouldn't keep it, but I'm not really sure that's what I want.
I haven't made up my mind yet, but I'm worried that if he does go to prison in a few years, it'll really have a bad effect on our child (whether or not he wants to be involved). It's bad enough that it'd be growing up with no father if he doesn't want it, eventually the child would find out that their father was also incarcerated. This isn't something I'd be able to keep secret because eventually they'd be old enough to use the internet and they'd find out unless I refused to tell the child it's own father's name, but that seems like an awful thing to do.
I guess I just feel really conflicted because things are already a mess, and having a baby will make it way more complicated, but it's also a really hard decision to not keep it. I've had an abortion before and i don't regret it but it was when it was with the wrong guy, and i do feel like now I'm with the right guy but the circumstances are bad.
I think I would be able to do it without him because I would have support from people around me besides him, but that's scary too, and I'm worried about the negative effect on my child.
I know I can't really make any decisions without talking to him about it, and i'm going to tell him as soon as I see him, but I guess I just had to tell someone who has no biases because they know me or him.

OP posts:
sarahb083 · 06/09/2020 20:44

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Do you want a baby right now? Do you feel like you're ready to be a great parent? I understand why you're considering your partner's situation, but think about yourself as well.

biscuit13 · 07/09/2020 09:00

@d232323 hi, that sounds like a very difficult decision, and one that you cant make on your own.
I think the questions you need to ask yourself are, do you want a baby right now? are you sure hes the right person if hes getting in trouble with the law? If you went ahead are you prepared to have this baby on your own?
I would have no idea what to do if I were you, but I hope you managed to speak to him.

ivfbeenbusy · 07/09/2020 09:07

It might depend on what his "crime" was - serious violence, sexual related violence, crimes against children I'm sure not I'd continue a pregnancy under those circumstances - you certainly wouldn't be able to have any contact with him/the baby have contact with him if it was any of those?

mumsofboys · 07/09/2020 09:18

There's no answer without knowing the crime really. Accidentally walked out a shop with some chewing gum end of the spectrum or beating another human up/murder spectrum (I'd hope he wasn't released on bail in such cases.)

Just be aware that it'll be no easy ride if you go ahead with your partner in this situation, you'll have social services all over you depending on the crime.

Ginger1982 · 07/09/2020 09:30

What crime has he allegedly committed?

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