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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Asking to know sex at 20 week scan?

26 replies

SkylinesTurnstiles · 01/09/2020 18:46

How do I approach it? Don’t want to make things awkward as I know it’s a medical procedure and not a sexing scan- but is it just normal for us to ask at the beginning whether they would be able to tell us? Or will they ask whether we want to know before they start scanning?
Sorry for my cluelessness! Any replies much appreciated. :)

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GoogleyB · 01/09/2020 18:49

For my 20 week scan the sonography didn't all the usual checks then right at the end asked us if we wanted to know (we already knew but got her to confirm)

GoogleyB · 01/09/2020 18:49

*did all the usual checks

Disappointedkoala · 01/09/2020 18:50

With both of mine I've just asked at the start if we can find out the sex if baby is cooperating.

kate909 · 01/09/2020 18:52

My sonographer just said if I am able to get a view, would you like to know the sex? And that was it 🙂

omg35 · 01/09/2020 18:58

Mine just asked at the end if we wanted her to have a look

TheHappyHerbivore · 01/09/2020 19:01

Mine asked me at the outset if we wanted to know. We said no and she said it was one less thing for her to check. So I would raise it at the start so he / she knows to check for you. It shouldn’t be awkward to ask - just say you would like to find out if possible.

I know some trusts won’t confirm for you, but I think that is quite rare now.

Heyha · 01/09/2020 19:02

Ours asked if we wanted an idea or not, so she could tell us to look away at the relevant point 😂

Rebelwithallthecause · 01/09/2020 19:03

Mine didn’t show me but asked once she was finished if we’d like to know

She said she couldn’t be 100% sure but she thinks girl

We had lots of scans due to previous thyroid issue so on a later scan (after i stocked up on pink bits in the January sales) the sonographer asked if we knew what we were having and said we’d been told it’s possibly a girl and she confirmed it was

I was still doubting it until she was born back in may. But she is indeed a girl

ShyOwl · 01/09/2020 19:04

Ours was during the start of lockdown so I had to go on my own but wanted to find out together with DH

I took a little card with an envelope and asked if it would be okay for her to write it down so we could find out together at the start of the appointment. Which she did happily, it was lovely being able to find out together

MilleniumHallsWalledGarden · 01/09/2020 19:05

@ShyOwl

Ours was during the start of lockdown so I had to go on my own but wanted to find out together with DH

That's a good idea, how lovely :)

CrazedInsomniac · 01/09/2020 19:07

I just asked at the end. It wasn’t mentioned at all by the sonographer.

Hellohah · 01/09/2020 19:09

Mine also asked at the end, but I had a student and it took 45 minutes. Even if I had wanted to know, I was so desperate to wee that I couldn't hold it any longer. So if you do want to know, I would say at the beginning

MichelleOR84 · 01/09/2020 19:29

With my first pregnancy in 2018 I told the sonographer in the beginning I didn’t want to know the sex and she was a bit rude and said she was there to check the health of my baby 🙄

With my current pregnancy ( same hospital) I didn’t say a word and my sonographer was so sweet . She asked me at the start if I wanted to know the sex. It was a completely different experience and she went through all the measurements in detail explaining them
to me .

Topseyt · 01/09/2020 19:32

I just asked.

alphabetti · 02/09/2020 12:57

This is my 3rd pregnancy and every time I’ve had 20week scan Sonographer has asked at beginning if would like to know the sex of baby. Had my 20week scans done in different hospitals each time too so I thought it was just the norm that they asked you at beginning. If I was you and wanted to find out I would just say at beginning if it’s possible please could you be told what sex baby is. It is a scan for checking if everything medical is looking healthy but at same time you are just wanting to find out a little bit more about your baby and help you plan/bond.

FizzingWhizzbee123 · 02/09/2020 13:09

In both pregnancies, the sonographer has asked me if I wanted to know. First pregnancy, she left it until right at the end of the scan to ask. Second pregnancy, the sonographer asked me up front. You will more than likely be asked about it at some point, but if not, raise it at the end. The sonographer will have checked as they checked a the whole baby over and it’s just part of the process.

Kreacheriscleaning · 02/09/2020 13:27

I would mention it at the beginning. I didn’t want to know but had a conversation about it with the sonogropher after and she mentioned that it is much easier for her to know before as she can can the opportunity if baby happens to move into the right position, which she may not take if she didn’t know that the parents wanted to know.
Just to be aware that not all trusts will write the sex down. Mine won’t as people have attempted legal action when a mistake has been made.

SpacePug · 02/09/2020 13:32

I just asked at both of mine. Not at the start but somewhere in the middle. The first time she just zoomed straight over to have a look and quickly said boy then carried on. (It was a boy) second time a couple of weeks ago she said she would go over the whole body and let me see so I said can we check if it's a boy or girl and she said of course. So she turned the screen to me and we looked together and she said what do you see, and it was clearly another boy 😁

mintich · 02/09/2020 13:34

They've always asked me if I wanted to know

GingerbreadTeen · 02/09/2020 13:54

For first DC we asked midway through and got a very blunt "it looks like a female". Not sure if we asked at the wrong moment but hey ho. We needed a second follow up scan the next day at another hospital and asked the consultant if he could confirm what we'd been told, a girl. He didn't reply initially but then zoomed in and said "ooooh can you see what I can see?!" and yep there it was in all its glory.

whatsthecraic91 · 02/09/2020 14:06

Mine didn't ask me if I wanted to know, at the end I asked and she was happy to go and check for me she was a lovely lady

emelsie · 02/09/2020 14:09

They asked me both times if I would like to know , the second time we had already had an early scan at around 17 weeks I think so knew already but had it confirmed.

katmarie · 02/09/2020 14:54

With both of mine we didn't want to know, but there was a poster up in the waiting room advising that anyone wanting to know the sex would need to book and pay for a seperate scan, so if we had wanted to know, I'm not sure I would have bothered asking. I told the sonographer both times we didn't want to know and they said that they wouldn't be able to tell me anyway as it was against their policy. I also had to go for a scan at about 34 weeks I think it was with DC2, and I mentioned then that I didn't want to know the sex. She got me to look away when the screen might give it away, which was nice of her.

bluemoon2468 · 02/09/2020 15:50

My sonographer asked at the end of the scan whether I wanted to know - I did, so she looked as the last thing she did. It was all very unceremonious (she just said "it's a boy" really quickly and monotonously then stopped scanning me) so I'm glad we'd already found out together at a private scan where they made a big fuss of the reveal and showed us on the screen. Having said that, I wouldn't pay for a private scan just to find out the gender - we went for one because my husband wasn't allowed at either of my NHS scans due to COVID.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 02/09/2020 15:53

Where we are, they won't tell you so be aware that's a possibility.

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