When to tell my Covid anxious mum I'm pregnant?

[taraRoo]

Hi all,

I just had found out I'm pregnant with my second child. I'm 38 and it happened a lot faster than I was expecting. I'm delighted but I am really afraid about my mother's reaction will be,

We live at opposite ends of the country so we haven't seen each other a lot this year sadly. My mum is anxious about Covid. She has high blood pressure and is 73 so it's not surprising she's being cautious. Anyway, we went to visit over the summer and it's quite clear that she is not just cautious but overly anxious. She don't hug my son for instance.

We were up last week and she went on a rant about how stupid it would be to get pregnant in this situation. Fast forward 4 days and I'm doing a pregnancy test....

I'm really afraid of what she will say but also don't know when to say it. As I said she is extremely anxious at the moment. She was a nightmare during my last pregnancy as she was convinced something Would go wrong. So I'm reluctant to say anything that will add to the worry. I actually thinks she's better off in the dark.

Here's the complication.... she's having surgery next week and I said I'd come up and help. However, I don't feel particularly safe now sitting on a train for 6 hours at 5 weeks pregnant. I also think she and my dad will spot straight away that I'm pregnant ( they drink a lot of wine and there no way they d believe I'm not drinking). If I go up I have to tell her and she would most likely be angry I got on a train in my condition . But if I don't go I'll have to come up with an excuse...wwyd?

Come up with an excuse. Tell her you’ve done something to your foot and you are laid up. Tell her at 12 weeks.

In the nicest possible way, stop worrying about your mother being angry with you. You are 38. The pregnancy is welcome. Her reaction doesn't make any difference to the baby. If you waited till covid was 'cured' or over you might find yourself 40+. For your own health, being on the train should be absolutely fine so long as you use a mask and hand hygiene. It's not fabulous wearing the mask for long periods but it is a means to an end.

Thanks both
@calimommy I know you are right. I'm anxious because my relationship with her is strained at the best of times. Plus I know she will think having a baby now is crazy since we aren't in the best situation financially either (this can be solved by simply leaving London though).

@taraRoo I can understand that. My relationship with my mother is not the best either. I'm expecting my 4th and I know she will scoff at me, she thinks it is ridiculous to have more than 2. She struggled with 2 children, 7yrs apart so believes everyone is the same. I had a MC in May and when I mentioned trying again she sort of rolled her eyes and said "oh you're still on about that are you?" As though it was the most boring topic. I'm also 37 but even last year at 36 she told me I would "be asking for trouble" having another -trouble being the risk of congenital anomalies.
My husband thinks she wants me to fail and need help so she is justified, but Im absolutely fine and we are more than able to afford these children. It's complicated with her. But ultimately it does not matter what she thinks. Be confident and happy, I would suggest even saying something like "we have the most wonderful news!" But certainly don't be apologetic in anyway. X

I agree with @calimommy when you tell her make sure you say it with confidence and positivity so she might filter what she says to not be rude, it doesn't matter what she thinks but there's nothing worse than when your sharing happy news when someone is negative about it. I remember when I told my dad and step mum I was only 10 weeks when I told them and they were like oh lovely (not in a happy/excited way) when I questioned it after talking to my sister, they were like oh we just didn't expect it cause we thought you'd just have more dogs (we have 10 due to my partners job) and then said we wish you hadn't told us so soon because they would worry. So no one found out about this pregnancy until I was 14 weeks, although still wish I had waited longer cause I almost didn't feel like I wanted them to know due to the negativity the first time. I was upset and annoyed which made the sharing of the news with anyone else feel negative. I was 26 when I found out I was pregnant the first time lived in my own home (not owned but rented) either way had my own place to live had a stable relationship of 6 years before getting pregnant and a full time job. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope your mum doesn't make it negative for you! x

I would make an excuse for next week, something vague but not covid related like a tummy bug. Then I would leave it til 12 weeks, see how you feel about telling her and leave it longer if you want to. I think most grandparents may think being pregnant now isnt ideal (I am 31 weeks. People think I am mad) but a baby is amazing no matter when you have it. I am sure once the idea settles and time goes on she will be happy.