Work and confidentiality

[Cardiffmumtobe]

Hi everyone. I recently found out I'm pregnant with my first, unexpected but very much wanted. I told my boss as I have to arrange time off for appointments soon and also morning sickness has been a bit extreme so I'm aware im not performing at my best. Anyway I asked her to keep it private as its still very early (only 7 weeks).

I've just discovered she has told quite a few people. Some of these are my own staff who I hadn't planned on telling until at least 12 weeks, some are other managers that don't have anything to do with my job. I suspect many more people know but I won't find out unless I approach them.

I don't want to rock the boat too much as I've only been working there a few months but she was really unhappy when she found out and has already made comments about how her staff don't normally take more than 6 months maternity leave at the absolute most. Im worried the next few months are going to be very difficult.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with bosses like this? Do I raise this as an issue or keep my head down for an easy life?

Without being too outing we work in an environment where confidentiality is really strict and I would lose my job in a heartbeat for disclosing this kind of information about my clients. She is the big boss of a small company and there is no HR department to speak to so no-one above her i can raise it with. I just want to enjoy this pregnancy without all this crap going on

Poor you, this sounds so frustrating. I've not been in this situation so can only comment on what I think I would do if I was in the same boat as you - and a big disclaimer, I am not into confrontation at all.

I think I'd probably just let it go, with the hope that with time she becomes more supportive.

Just to be clear this isn't because what she has done is defensible but because of how you will feel if you do address it. I think you want to do everything you can to keep your stress levels down and try to relax as much as you can. And from what you've described she doesn't seem entirely reasonable and I would be worried that confronting her about it would make her more defensive, double down on her stance and you'd feel even worse.
You mentioned that other people have taken maternity there. Do you have a good enough relationship with any of them that you could tentatively approach one of them and see how they found their pregnancy while working there? You wouldn't have to bring up what your boss is being like if you're worried about things getting back to her, but if she's a nightmare you may find that they bring it up with you.
All this said, if it feels like bullying and lines are being crossed then it needs to be addressed.
You could consult Pregnant Then Screwed who might be able to help in lieu of an HR department.

Under normal circumstances do you have a good working relationship with her?

I'd be tempted to ask her innocently if she knows how so many people are aware and see if she squirms. Letting her know you know what she did but without making it an official complaint might make her think twice about being difficult with any other aspects of your maternity leave.

Thanks for the comments. Its quite a bitchy work environment at the best of times with her at the middle of it all. Tbh I had thought about leaving before I became pregnant, I guess I need to just nod and smile through the next few months.

I think im feeling a bit overwhelmed with it all. My partners mum has been telling everyone in his hometown about it whereas I've only told parents and my best friend. It feels like everyone else is doing whatever they want when we don't even know if the baby is safe and healthy.

What she did was a breach of confidentiality. Shocking. Make sure you are fully appraised of your workers rights and your contract.

Document everything. Write down who she has told -if possible ask them how they found out. Note and date any comments she makes which you feel are possibly inappropriate. You may never need this but if it comes down to a difficult situation, be you own advocate. Mothers are so
Often treated like second class workers.

Wow that’s horrible ! Making a complaint doesn’t sound like it will do much good either 😩

I would take whatever maternity leave you want and not give a fu@k about your boss . And look for a new job next year !

I know what it’s like in a small company and unfortunately I don’t think there is much you can do about your boss’s personality and lack of regard for other people’s wishes, unfortunately. However her behaviour and comments about not taking more than 6months leave would raise massive flags to me and like others have said I would be keeping notes of any conversations and developments around this with dates and times eg when you told her (confidentially), when you found out other people knew, how she reacts when you request appointments etc. Because I think it’s not in likely you’ll end up in some kind of maternity Discrimination case in future and want to rely on these things!
Sorry it’s such a stressful time for you, sounds awful ☹️

Do you have a HR Department you can report her too? She sounds like an absolute horror. Not only should she not be discussing your pregnancy with other colleagues, she also shouldn’t be pressurising you to come back after 6 months.

Thanks everyone. I've started writing things down. Every time I bump into her I get a comment about how stressed she is cause of me or how she wants to kill me for dropping her in it . I'm taking the advice to write everything down definitely.

She actually told me herself that she's told people so I don't think she's too fussed about offending me. I've already decided to take the full year of maternity and start looking for something else at the end. If its like this when I'm pregnant I can imagine it getting worse when I'm a mum.

Gads to think i gave up a good job with excellent maternity pay and private medical for this!

OP offending you is not the issue. She broke confidentiality. I would ask her if she understands that you told her about the pregnancy in confidence and she broke that by announcing it to others. If you had shared a serious health condition would she have done the same? She is in a very serious position here, you have a lot of rights.