Stillbirth 3 weeks ago and struggling to accept it

[Lisag971]

Hi
I'm new to this so please bear with me! :)
3 weeks ago I experienced a very traumatic labour (placental abruption) and nearly lost my life as a result, sadly my son was born sleeping at 33 wks :(. I have been trying to get answers from the hospital and even trying to find any information online as to why this even happened, it was a normal healthy pregnancy throughout and happened very suddenly, I have another son who is nearly 4 and didnt have any issues during pregnancy with him.
Is there anyone that's had a similar experience and could offer any kind of comfort/advice as to how you even begin to move forward?
Myself and DP have been discussing ttc once I'm healed, the only thing that seems to be keeping me "positive" at the moment is the possibility of having another baby (not to replace but to fill the gap our son has left) but at the same time petrified at the thought of loosing another baby, not sure I could deal with going through this a second time as it would break me.
Anyone go onto have a healthy pregnancy after similar experience? Also, did you receive extra support, scans, care etc in the next pregnancy?

Sorry for rambling on! It's just all I cant think about at the moment and its driving me mad :(

No advice but sending you love - what an awful thing to happen, I’m so so sorry

My colleague went through a still birth, unfortunately her baby developed an infection. Her following pregnancy she had extra scans, consultant meetings and a lot of extra care and support.

Sending you all my love, I can't imagine what you're going through xx

I suffered the same 2 weeks ago at 34 weeks , it's the worst pain I've ever felt I can't see ever to be happy

My friend had a stillborn baby at 40 wks. She conceived again four months later and her "baby" is now three years old and about to start nursery. Her and her husband have decided they couldn't face another pregnancy but they always refer to their two sons, the baby they sadly lost and his little brother. Good luck, I hope you will be blessed with a healthy baby soon.

Sorry for the death of your son. I had a stillbirth but for different reasons to you, my daughter had a heart condition. I have had another baby I had more scans, and saw a team that specialised in pregnancy after loss, it was incredibly stressful. SANDS have an online forum where someone may be able to answer any more specific questions you have.

I'm so so sorry for you. I don't have any advice to offer you but couldn't read your post and not comment.
I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through but I just hope you can get some answers to give you just a little bit of comfort. Sending lots of love 💕

I'm so sorry @lisaG971 and Flowerpot 26
My little girl was stillborn at 24 weeks in 1997 due to an infection. I did go on to have another baby just over a year later. I had extra scans but it was incredible the amount of worrying we did.
I remember those awful feelings washing over me, normally in the shower when you're alone and it feels like you're drowning. But you do learn to live with it. It seems so distant now like it couldn't possibly have happened to me but then something can trigger a memory and I'm right back there again.
You will be happy again, the first few times you laugh again it does make you feel guilty. I went through a stage of just wanting to be normal but I had a year of counselling ando it really helped me accept what had happened.
Take care of yourselves .

It’s absolutely heartbreaking. I haven’t experienced what you’re going through but I’ve supported a couple of friends who have. It’s still so recent, and so raw. I think it will take a lot of time to come to terms with and that’s ok. There are no rules. Of course you are keen to try again (I get that, my first baby nearly died in delivery - intubated and off to nicu - and all I could think about when I thought he wasn’t going to make it was having another go). From my friends’ experience, the ‘rainbow’ baby hasn’t been the answer they were looking for.

There is a lot of online support available - Sands, but also other charities like Our Angels and Butterfly Books. Lots of loss mamas (and dads) out there waiting to help you piece things together.

Please be kind to yourself. This is one of the hardest things anyone goes through

Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss. I am a mum and can only begin to imagine the pain you must be in 💔. There is no right or wrong way to get through this process other than making sure you do whatever you feel you need to do. I remember reading once of a woman who had a still birth, she planted a tree in her baby's name and used to find comfort in going to visit that tree. There are many ideas of things you can do to try and keep your babys memory alive and not let him be forgotten.

Regarding what went wrong. The first thing I'd do is write to the head of midwifery at your hospital. Usually you can find their details on your hospitals website or you can call and ask. You should request a meeting in person and take someone with you to either just listen or take minutes. Sometimes being able to reflect on notes form the meeting is so helpful. I'd write down a whole bunch of questions that I felt needed answering, and work through them one by one. Don't be afraid, this was your baby and such a traumatic experience for you, you deserve to get answers and understanding in order to move forward eventually xxx

So sorry for your loss. I've not experienced this but I would say that 3 weeks is a very short time - grief is a complicated and often a long process so take your time. Agree with PP about speaking to the hospital, PALS should be able to advise you who to contact.

I am so sorry for your loss. I know the charity SANDS really helped a friend of mine who had a son who was born sleeping. X

I'm sorry for your loss. I don't want to put my whole story on here but therapy and EMDR really helped me.go forward again. It just helped better than talking to husband and family. I'm not sure I would still be here without it. It's the best advice I can give you and really hope you get the help you need.

No advice but very sorry for your losses and wishing you well lisa and flowerpot.

I am so sorry for your loss

Sorry for your loss. We lost our first neonatally. SANDS helped me as it was good to know other people knew how I felt.

We have gone on to have 2 healthy children. During the pregnancies we were looked after with extra scans etc. It was scary going through each pregnancy but it was worth it.

Hope you get some answers. Getting answers as to why we lost her really helped us.

So sorry to hear about your loss. I have had a friend experience something similar and she found support through SANDS and speaking to other mums through SANDS who had been through similar experiences. It is completely normal to feel how you are feeling, it is still so recent and you will never forget your little boy.

placental abruption with the first, but a live baby. With the second under consultant care, lots of scans, baby asprin, and planned c section.

Hello ladies,
Sorry for your losses. Even I lost my baby at 20 week in april 2020.
Now I am 4 weeks of pregnant, I am more anxious about it.
When should i have to consult doctor? Should I have to take early scanning considering my late miscarriage history? I am just blank :(

I’m so sorry for your loss, and also for all the others mentioned on this thread.
I second everything from PP re SANDS/support networks/counselling. Also your hospital should definitely be able to arrange a debrief visit to talk through what happened, results of any tests, plans for the future. Where I am that is usually offered around 6 weeks later - if you haven’t been told anything then calling through to speak to midwifery lead might be the best way.
3 weeks is still very very early - give yourself lots of time.

I'm so

I'm so sorry for your loss. All your feelings are totally normal and natural. I lost my little girl at 31 weeks in 2016, so unexpectedly. I relate to everything you say, wanting to ttc again but feeling terrified about it. I was pregnant 4 months after losing my daughter and had my son almost a year to the day we lost my daughter. It was a scary pregnancy but it gave me reason to live again after feeling totally lost. I got lots of support and monitoring. I second what everyone has said about sands- they have a forum and I 'met' lots of women who had experienced loss themselves and chatted to them online after loss and through my subsequent pregnancy. We still chat to this day. Every one of them (6) went on to have a successful pregnancy after loss xx

So sorry OP for your loss

I didn't have a stillbirth. But my first child's birth meant I spent 14 months in hospital after. The birth. I very nearly died

My second child I was under the most amazing high risk team. I had extra scans and was kept such an eye on. I reckon the same would happen with you xx

Sending hugs.

reaching out for some hope !? I had exact same experience on Saturday last week. I nearly died and I lost my baby girl at 35 weeks x