Time off work for miscarriage?

[TheBeastReleased]

Apologies if this isn't the right board to post this on.

Yesterday I had an early pregnancy scan and blood tests to confirm what I think I already knew. I've been having bleeding and cramps over the past 10 days, so in my mind I had already come to terms with the inevitable miscarriage diagnosis. I should have been about 7 weeks yesterday but there was no sign of a pregnancy sack, just some areas of bleeding and an ovarian cyst.

I thought I felt totally fine yesterday after the scan. Went to work after and tried to carry on as normal and be my usual cheerful self. Thought I was doing all right, then a colleague made a slightly insensitive comment (asked how old my first child is, and said it was about time I had another - something I'd have probably laughed at normally, but it stung just a few hours after I'd had my miscarriage confirmed) and now I feel as if I'm falling apart. My head is all over the place.

I tried to complete an online learning packing yesterday evening which needs to be done by today, but I couldn't concentrate and gave up with it. I also realise I've double booked two appointments I gave out yesterday - clearly my brain wasn't working.

I've barely slept - between my brain being in overdrive and my toddler son deciding he wanted to get up for a shower at 3am, I feel shattered. Plus, I think some of the lingering pregnancy hormones are still making me feel nauseous and yucky.

I work as a midwife, so all day everyday I'm talking about pregnancy and babies, and I just feel I need a bit of time away from it all. I've got myself ready for work now but I don't know if I can face it. I'm supposed to be working today in clinics, then nightshift Saturday and Sunday and the thought is making me want to cry.

I really don't want to take time off, but on the other hand I don't know if I can keep myself together over the weekend.

Has anyone take time off for an early miscarriage? The physical symptoms are bearable (I've been coping with the cramping for the past week and a half and it's no worse now) so it would just be for the emotional / stress side of things. If you did, did it help you? Give you a bit of breathing space to get your head together, or did you carry on working and find it gave a good distraction? Any advice appreciated.

Absolutely take some time off, you need it and you deserve some breathing room. I took at least a week off for each of my early miscarriages and it gave me some time to breathe and profess (work as a nurse). The GP was always more than accommodating with any sick lines required.

Last year I lost my pregnancy at 9 weeks and despite bleeding and cramping for days, and knowing the outcome would be poor, m hearing the words destroyed me. I had 2 weeks off. Then came back to a dick of a manager and had 2 further weeks off.

Though not a midwife, I worked in the hospital where I'd had my scans etc and managed a team that are closely linked with maternity do had to go onto the u it all the tine. I needed tine before I could face going back.

Everyone grieves this sort of thing differently. I'd say take the tone off. It will be better for you, your colleagues and your patients for up to be at work I. The right frame of mind

I'm so sorry for your loss x

Just to add, the second two weeks were partly for my recovery and mental health, and partly in protest of my dick of a manager saying insensitivity "at least it wasn't a real baby." And expecting me to be my usual happy, super hard working self. Dick.

@Ginfilledcats that's absolutely disgusting that your manager said that!! What a bloody horrible human being! I can only assume it was a clueless man? Or an excessively insensitive woman who has never been a mother or has no dream to be! Sorry you had to deal with that!
@TheBeastReleased take whatever time you need! I certainly would. Although not the same I had a (not forced as no one can force it but a termination decided by my boyfriend when I was 19) I went back to work after my appointment at the hospital to have to then leave an hour later if that, two me members of the team had recently announced their pregnancies and I just couldn't cope with my guilt and sadness. I had two day's off. Although certainly didn't feel like I deserved that or any more with it being my decision. You have to do what's best for you and your mental health. Work can cope without you for whatever time no matter what your role.. they'll have to. I hope you have an understanding boss to make it 'easier'. I'm so sorry for your loss

I had a miscarriage in April, was already off sick before it started but from the start of bleeding I was off for 2.5 weeks. Supervisor was lovely, told me not to come back too soon. I was really anxious about returning to work as I work in a hospital, luckily due to COVID there were no visibly pregnant staff members around so was easier to avoid reminders. Couldn’t imagine what it would be like being a midwife but I think if you need the time off you should definitely take it. My absence was counted as pregnancy related by HR.

Get signed off for a couple of weeks, it’s completely fine.

I was off for 2.5 weeks. I didn't go to the doc, I completed an online sick note form and collected it from the docs. I then had another one exactly 2 months later and had another 3 weeks off. Even after I went back I was a complete mess and was crying in the loos etc etc.

Take the time you need. It's a hard thing to process, especially given the type of work you do

So sorry for your loss. I’d speak to your GP about getting signed off, just to avoid any further stress xx

So sorry for your loss. I had 3 weeks off in total then went back on reduced hours for a week or 2. It wasn't only the waiting to find out what happened, it was the physical part and then emotional/mental part to deal with after. Take as much time as you need, look after yourself.

Get signed off. I work in the obstetric department at my hospital. My manager signed me off for two weeks without me even needing to ask after she'd heard I had a miscarriage.

I had a suspected miscarriage at work in February - I was 9 weeks and started bleeding at work. My husband took me to hospital and HR messaged me to say take as much time as I needed and not to think about work at all. I work in corporate and really appreciated their support.

It turned out not to be a miscarriage but work still told me to take as much time as I needed as it was obviously emotionally distressing. It happened on the Thursday, I had a scan on the Monday morning and went back in on the Tuesday.

Sorry for your loss OP, absolutely take some time off.

I took a week off. My manager said to take whatever I needed.

I needed that time physically as well as emotionally. I was bleeding horrendously for a week and fainted at one point. No way could I have been at work.

I went back to work straightaway. I felt sad but preferred to be busy than sitting at home dwelling on it. I mentioned it to a couple of the older women I work with and they were just lovely to me. They sympathised but didn't go over the top about it either.

I know some people feel better at home but I feel better being busy. I also don't like missing work. My bosses would
Never pressurise me to work but I prefer to save 'sick days' for days when I feel I really need them.

Everyone is different though

I'm so sorry for your loss @TheBeastReleased. I took two weeks off when I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. Work were understanding about it (I work in education) and my GP was great and said I could have as long as I wanted but I felt ready to go back after 2 weeks, initially it was phased return - one of my students did catch me bawling my eyes out in my office but I'm glad I went back when I did, I was ready to be distracted and busy again.

Emotionally, it did hit me very hard (the actual miscarriage was very traumatic as I was treated quite poorly by the medical staff involved) and overhearing my then boss slagging me off for missing time to other staff also impacted my mental health and I ended up having counselling. Reach out and get support if you need it.

I was off for two Plus weeks, although I had retained products and ended up with an infection. My managers were lovely (I am a nurse)

Yes, but I had to use my holidays to do so. This was decades ago. Not sure if there’s any other type of paid time off now available to you. You could call your HR person and ask?

I had a MMC in Dec, I took a month off at the time, went back to work (quite a stressful client facing role with children and families), was back for 6 weeks before basically burning out because I hadn’t looked after myself.
I had started counselling who helped me come to the realisation I needed more time off. Took another month off at which point I was focusing on myself not so much the loss and it was 100% the best thing I ever did!

You are in a job role which is going to be intense in your current circumstances! Take some time for self-care!

I hope you feel better soon ❤️❤️

I lost at 5/6 weeks and was off work for around two weeks which included the week spent getting the 'diagnosis'

It was put down as a cold/flu on the system at my request

I lost a pregnancy very very early - just past 4 weeks, I took 3 days off, I was devastated. My boss was very understanding. Thoughts are with you OP x x