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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Terrified to tell my family I’m pregnant !

17 replies

Pink98 · 26/08/2020 14:46

I’m 22 and have just found out I’m 3 months pregnant. I’ve just graduated from Uni as a nurse and have got a stable job.
I’m in a very stable relationship with my boyfriend too and live with him.

It’s maybe not the ‘perfect’ timing for me, but it also feels right. I don’t want to have an abortion - I know that I can look after this child well.

However I’m so scared to tell my family. My parents are very conservative religious and honestly they probably think I’m still a virgin ( I know it might seem hard to believe that they would think that but they’re VERY naive and strict). The rest of my family is slightly less conservative but I’m still just so embarrassed. They don’t know my boyfriend hugely well and I think they’ll think I’m far too young . I want this pregnancy to be a good thing not a problem for everyone 😞

OP posts:

Original poster

Pink98 · 26/08/2020 14:50

I also don’t want to marry my boyfriend yet which my family will want me to do. He’s older (27) and might be ready for that tbh but at 22 I feel way too young to get married

OP posts:

Shmithecat2 · 26/08/2020 14:55

Not sure why you feel too young to get married, but not too young to have a baby .

What are your plans? How much maternity leave can you take/afford to take? Will your boyfriend step up financially whilst you're bringing home less whilst ML? I'm assuming, as you're not married, you'll need returning to work full time after ML finishes to keep your financial independence? Have you discussed with your boyfriend how bills/childcare etc will be managed and paid for between you?

Wantabub · 26/08/2020 15:06

Congratulations!!
Is there ever a right time to have a baby?? No!
You are the only one who can make these decisions. With hopefully support from your boyfriend.
Your parents might surprise you. It will all be worth it in the end.

Olive1701 · 26/08/2020 15:10

Hi @Pink98
Firstly I will say that I don’t think it’s for other people to judge other people’s opinions on certain topics. Everybody has different opinions to others and we should respect that. Financially wise you sound like you are in a good stable job to have a baby, again not that I think that is for anybody else to comment on. Of course a bit of preparation is ideal but people who struggle month to month make having a baby work, priorities change etc.
You sound like you have made your mind up what you want to do and you should stick with that! I had friends who told parents who at first were shocked but eventually they will come around- at the end of the day it’s their grandchild so ultimately it would be them missing out. There have also been parents I’ve known who have shocked my friends by being thrilled when finding out the news.
Congratulations and good luck xx

Britannah · 26/08/2020 15:11

Congratulations! As PP said, there is never a right time to have a baby and to be honest I think your age only matters so much. As long as the baby is wanted and loved then that’s the main thing. Appreciate that you will need to work out finances. etc (as does everyone when you first find out you are expecting!) but don’t stress too much over that now. You will find a way. I would tell your parents sooner rather than later as this will make you feel better in the long run, you are giving them a grandchild and whatever their initial reaction is they will come to terms with that and want to support your decision I’m sure. Good luck Xx

Serenschintte · 26/08/2020 15:19

Firstly congratulations! I am also from a conservative family. I agree it may be difficult for a time (or they may surprise you) but hopefully once your baby is born he/she will be so lovely and cute that will help matters.
It’s up to you but personally telling the truth is probably best - while maybe also acknowledge you are aware this isn’t what they would choose for you. But that you love each other very much and your be has the following good qualities...kind, etc
On the marriage point I agree without Op that you are probably not to young for marriage. If anything a baby is an equally serious prospect. Also marriage gives you legal rights that living together does not. So give yourself time but don’t discount it completely. There is a reason why for 1000s of Years marriage has come before children.

MoreCookiesPlease · 26/08/2020 15:42

So.... you live with him and your parents think you're a virgin?

Original poster

Pink98 · 26/08/2020 15:55

@Shmithecat2

Not sure why you feel too young to get married, but not too young to have a baby

I guess I do feel a bit too young to have a baby ( In a sense that I’m younger than I had planned to be when I had one) but it’s happened and I’m not prepared to change it. It’s not like I’ll also just accidentally get married, and I don’t think it’s something I want yet.

My boyfriend is very supportive and has a job which means that even if I’m on maternity leave etc we should financially be okay. We already manage bills together and I’ll be honestly I don’t know everything about childcare costs etc yet but we will manage.

OP posts:

BowowMttt · 26/08/2020 16:09

Congratulations, there is no need to have an abortion because you’re happy to carry on and you sound more ready than a lot of people! A colleague of mine fell pregnant at 19 with her boyfriend of only a few weeks and the family were very shocked at first but once you’ve got that beautiful tiny baby in your arms all will be forgotten and everyone will want a cuddle! Good luck OP

nc600 · 26/08/2020 16:11

Do look into the protection marriage could give you if you intend to put your career on hold. Other than that don't worry. Your parents might be shocked when you tell them but it's unlikely they believe you're a virgin. They, themselves have had sex believe it or not.

Good luck.

Mummyinlove09 · 26/08/2020 16:16

I completely understand where you are coming from. My parents are very conservative religious and when my older sister found out she was pregnant with her boyfriend, she was terrified to tell them. Hopefully her experience helps...

When she told them, they were shocked and disappointed (in her due to their beliefs) but they also loved her and stood by her and car round very quickly to the fact they were going to have a beautiful grandchild. Although they would have ideally wanted this to happen when she was married, they saw past that to support her and her boyfriend and absolutely doted on my nephew. Once they got over the the initial shock, it was just a normal pregnancy and family dynamic when the wee one arrived.

Good luck and I hope you have a similar experience and you sound happy to be pregnant

Original poster

Pink98 · 26/08/2020 18:32

Thankyou everyone for your replies :)

I think I’ll need to work out how to tell them properly so maybe can’t do it right away but I agree it’ll be better to do it sooner rather than later. Also I’m starting to show a bit and if I leave it too much longer I don’t want them to notice before I can tell them or something

OP posts:

Shmithecat2 · 26/08/2020 19:23

@Pink98, I'm just firing questions at you that you may get from other people. Just show that you've got it all worked out - not much else they can say or do then! But please, if you ever think that you're going to become financially dependent/sacrifice some of your salary, pensions contributions etc, get married! Don't give anything up that you might miss if things changed and you and your partner were no longer together. I know it sounds terribly miserable to suggest such things, but if you browse of the relationship and divorce/separation forums, it still happens all too often - unmarried women give up certain things to raise a family and then if the man buggers off (or even in some cases passes away), they're up shit creek with no legal paddle whatsoever. Just be smart about it.

NoGinNotComingIn · 26/08/2020 19:49

Congratulations! At 22 it’s not really anything to do with your parents. Apart from being a little sooner than you might have planned you sound like you are in a good position to have a baby, stable job etc so it isn’t like you can’t provide for it.

I was 32 when I got pregnant with my first child and was engaged (pregnancy was planned) my in laws had a hard time accepting it (they are religious) as we weren’t married and thought my husband was too young at 32!! My mother in law asked how did it happen 🤣 like I’d tricked him 🤔. Thing is it was nothing to do with her and once I got into that mindset I didn’t really care what either of them thought. It’s funny 4 years on her initial reaction is wiped from her memory, she said some pretty awful things even though we’d been together for 10 years, were engaged, owned a house etc etc. Once we were married (which was already booked when I got pregnant) they were fine. I realised on our wedding day they tried to keep our daughter out the official pics though, she was meant to join our first dance and they had mysteriously taken her somewhere at the time. Some people are weird about having children outside of marriage, it really didn’t do my in laws image down the church any good 🤣.

The most important thing is you (and your boyfriend) wanting the baby, not other people’s opinions.

BeMorePacific · 26/08/2020 20:55

I really love your attitude, and glad you don’t feel like you have to get married. Being young is going to be a huge benefit to you as a parent.
Your parents will come around, and if they don’t, then that isn’t your problem. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Sending you love xx

serialplanner · 26/08/2020 21:38

Hi OP congratulations! Whatever their reaction - they'll come round to the idea. No one can resist their own flesh and blood in baby cuteness.

My mum got pregnant at 19 - it wasn't ideal. Soon enough everyone got over it. Refer to the baby as a blessing and get at them with their own language!

Good luck!

LoveSunshine01 · 27/08/2020 11:35

Don't get married if you don't want to - maybe it gives you some safeguards but rushing things might not be good for your relationship or for you.

You can absolutely be ready for a commitment to a baby without being ready for commmitment to a marriage. Perfectly valid and nothing to do with age.

Good luck with telling your parents - I hope it goes well.

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