First pregnancy and feeling a little lost

[Clucket87]

Hi All

DH and I were TTC for about 12 months before we caught.

We are over the moon and it is definitely what we both want but every now and then I get scared about how my life is going to change.

My mum passed away nearly 8 years ago and I don’t get on with my MIL so I feel a little bit like I don’t have anybody to discuss this with. I’ve been keeping it all bottled up but tonight I’ve just broken down. My DH is at work so it’s just been me (probably a good thing).

I like our life. And I know so many people try and can’t fall pregnant and we are incredibly lucky to have fallen pregnant, done the nice holidays and enjoyed ourselves but it just feels so final.

Is it just hormones and feeling sick all the time that’s causing me to question myself? Did anybody else go through it? Will I feel differently when I see our child on a scan? Am I just overwhelmed and overthinking?

Will somebody please knock some sense into me . X

Congratulations!

It's very overwhelming! In those early days I found that the worse I felt physically, the worse I felt mentally and the more I was afraid of becoming a mum and of everything changing. When you don't feel so shit all the time (it will come!) it's much easier to be on an even keel about things. And not being able to talk to your own mum about things won't help - I'm sorry for your loss.

I thought I would feel differently when I saw him on the scan but I didn't really - for me that connection took a lot longer to come. Now with only 4 weeks to go I can't wait to meet him and see his face! Hold his little hand.

The first trimester sucks and all you can do is get through it! Once you're past feeling your worst things will seem much brighter. Congrats again and good luck!

I personally think it‘s pretty normal to feel worried about what it will be like and if you made the right decision. It‘s a huge change and feeling a bit worried shows you care and that you take it seriously - that‘s a good thing! Like previous poster said, feeling physically better helps and over time it becomes more real and you will start getting used to the idea a bit more.

I felt similar. My baby is 8 months and honestly I still feel freaked out at times.

People will say "you'll feel x or y or z" and there's no know way of knowing if that's true or not. You might feel differently and you might not. I was dreading having him right up until he was born. Not dreading exactly but I was so scared of the massive changes.

We used to go on holiday and eat out constantly. Obviously there's none of that for now. But it's great. I love him so much that I honestly don't care about the holidays and the meals out. And you can still have them once they are older.

I absolutely felt like that at times. It is totally normal and the feeling passes. I found as I got more of a bump and could feel kicks I became more connected.
Not everyone feels like that rush of love when pregnant or even when they hold their baby for the first time either. I view it more as a falling in love.
I think I've fallen in love with my baby over the last 2 months more and more. I adore him but even still I sometimes think "what have I done, we had a good easy going life before becoming parents" but like a PP said I think it shows you are being a good mother as you appreciate how much love and attention your LO needs and your desire to give it to them. If you didn't care, it wouldn't bother you as you wouldn't be changing your life for them.
Be kind to yourself,its really hard when you don't have a support network. Dont try to beat yourself up for feeling a certain way. And remember if it gets too overwhelming dont shut the feelings down but instead speak to your midwife. Guarantee they have experience in helping other mothers with the same thoughts. After having a cry in work one day I found that a large number of my colleagues had felt exactly the same as me when pregnant.

Thank you all.

Hearing that I’m feeling the same as others really does help.

X

@Clucket87 so glad to hear that. Best of luck with your pregnancy and congratulations. x

Hi there, I have a 10 week old baby girl and I wanted to respond to say that what you're feeling is totally normal. I felt that way from time to time throughout my pregnancy and to be honest I was shitting myself about becoming a mother and the end of the old life I had. When I had her I didn't feel instant love either but it grew every day but I still sometimes feel out of my depth and wish for my old life or just to experience it one more time. But you won't change, you'll just adapt and that's what you've got to remember. If I could offer one piece of advice it would be to enjoy every minute of your pregnancy and do all the things you won't be able to do immediately after...main one being sleep! And when you feel worried or scared don't stress about the way you're feeling, accept that it's normal and to be honest it's a good thing you're feeling like that because then it won't become so much of a shock once the baby is born and you'll adapt easier. Wishing you the best of luck! X

@Clucket87 This is my second pregnancy and hopefully my first baby and I am friggin terrified of becoming a mum and everything that comes with it. What will our lives be like for the rest of our lives? Will I be good at it? Will I be judged? And so many more questions, but like all the other mums have said, it’s obviously normal for us to feel this way.
My thing at the moment is “would I have felt better and less scared if I had waited longer” but I can even answer that myself because I think no matter your age, or whether you’ve planned or not, you’re always going to go through all of these emotions good and bad. We’ve just got to ride the wave I guess.

Doesn’t stop me being so overwhelmed though..and bricking it!! X

My eldest is 18 now and I remember feeling like you, OP. I remember saying to his dad, "I just sometimes need you to be a little bit afraid with me!" He was just so thrilled all the time. I was thrilled but anxious/terrified/scared shitless of everything: Miscarriage, not being a good parent, etc., etc., etc.
With your first baby, you definitely cross a threshold. There's the old pre-mum you and now there's you, the mum, who is so needed and dependent upon for survival. It's huge stuff! And there will be moments where that really catches you out and shakes you up. Just roll with it and know that it's normal to feel this way. And then one day, you find yourself thinking (that ol' chestnut!), "What was my life like before kids? So boring!" From my own experience, having kids has been the making of me. That doesn't mean I haven't struggled and found it really, really, really tough along the way. But the truth is, you're about to experience love in a way you probably never have. That was my own experience when DS1 was born. I lost my sense of self as I adjusted to motherhood. But this overwhelmingly beautiful love- unconditional love- just took me over.
Trust that you'll be just fine. And if you're not, that's ok too! That is normal and there's a lot of support out there for that.

The scan is a gamechanger. Hearing that heartbeat too! Those first movements in utero as well are all milestones coming up here that will help you feel really connected to pregnancy and to your little one. Congratulations!

Completely and utterly normal!

I really wish people were more open about this because, I think it can make people feel guilty or worry about their ability to parent, and honestly once I said I had these fears to a couple of friends every response I got was 'of course you feel like that, everyone does! '

I also agree with pp about some people not feeling that instant rush of love as soon as the baby is born, once again, completely normal and it will grow with time.
Remember, in both pregnancy and just after labour you're in shock and exhausted, you can't be positive and happy all the time - sometimes you need to give yourself a break and don't be too hard on yourself.

Nearly the same for me, came off pill July 2019 and this is the first time I've conceived. Just got a 1-2 weeks on a test and feeling flabbergasted, it's not a complete shock after trying that length of time. I think I talked myself into thinking there was a problem .