New baby won’t settle around us but does around others - please help

[Babyaug2020x]

So I’m a first time mum my baby is 3 weeks old, for the last week he’s became so unsettled and it’s breaking my heart.

I’m running on empty sleeping an hour or two a night as he cries for hours any time he’s awake (unless he’s feeding).

The second he wakes up he cries, as soon as he has had a feed he cries, if we put him down he cries or try put him in his basket to sleep. I’ve tried rubbing his tummy in case it’s hurting him, giving him a warm bath, burping him and nothing seems to help.

I took him to my mum and dads yesterday and he was perfect, didn’t cry, slept well, was happy after his bottle, then the second we got home the crying started again. Same goes for my in laws, when we have visited them he is so content, they came over this morning and he didn’t make a sound and the second they left started crying.

I feel so defeated I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m starting to feel really low and in all honestly just wish I could disappear at the moment I’m so tired.

What can I do to help? I feel so useless

I'd be tempted to go and stay a while at your parents so you can get some rest. See it as a miracle rather than a slap in the face and take advantage. It could be you are just tense through lack of sleep and baby senses this so is tense too. Even just two days so you can get some rest would be marvellous at this stage. These early weeks are amazing but so terrifying!! All will settle soon don't worry x

Might it make sense through this lens - your baby is already learning that you are the main provider for his needs so he is focusing his communication of those needs on you. Crying doesn't always means exactly that something is wrong, but it is the only tool of communication he has. I'm sure you are providing all the right things, food, comfort etc. At 3 weeks it's so so tough. It will get easier. If he does settle for others take advantage - hand him over and go for a nap!!

2 week growth spurt plus fourth trimester. Your baby doesn’t want to be put down.

At this age, they're a mystery love. Its nothing you've done. Go to your parents and stay for a bit, if it works it works.

Baby might like to hear the murmur of voices and senses you're less anxious when you are around your folks.

Or it could be anything! Like I said, mystery. At 3 weeks it's just a hellscape no matter what. I've been where you are and completely sympathize. I promise you, hand on heart, its just a stage and it will pass shortly.

Agree with pp that baby wants to be held, it's completely normal at this age. If you're with your parents you can pass him around a bit and get some rest.

I found three to four weeks to be the hardest. They're still so little but you are starting to burn out.

Try not to overthink it. I know it's hard but whatever they are thinking, we can't really know.

In a few more weeks, he'll start smiling and it will be so much easier.

Do whatever you need to do to survive, whether that is having people over, visiting them or getting someone to hold him for an hour so you can sleep.

It gets easier.

I've noticed that with some babies. It seems like they can sense your nerves, that you're waiting for them to become unsettled. Yet your parents and inlaws are more relaxed maybe the baby senses this.
Try pasting a permanent smile on your face, fake it till you feel it style. I tried this with my first foster newborn years ago. I did the cooing and stroking, and lots of smiles especially if they were looking my way as they were so unsettled. It seemed to bloody well work, I was amazed. Glad I listened to the older fostor Mums who had given me lots of tips. They also told me to swaddle them if it didn't work.

There’s some great advice here - what a lovely lot on this forum

Like everyone else said, you’re not doing any thing wrong. Hand over baby and get some good chunks of sleep xx

Was he early or late for delivery?

Seems like an irrelevant question but it's not.

He may be going through a development leap. Check out the Wonder Weeks app. Really good for explaining the mental leaps babies go through. They become clingy, crabby and cry more during these mental leaps.

Alternatively, could it be that you're more relaxed around your parents? Less pressure on you guys so you relax more? Babies pick up on anxiety very well.

It could just be something as simple as the room temperature? Could be a little warmer in your parents house. Quite often the case if there's more people in a room.

Remember you're doing absolutely nothing wrong though! maybe your LO likes the sound of chattering, pp mentioned mumbles of talking, try some white noise/rain sounds. That used to work on my DS.

Congratulations on the birth. The early days are so so tough.
Remember at this stage it is still very temporary, so one day they’ll settle with your mum the next day they won’t.
Try and stay positive, speak about it to your midwife.
My only advice (which might not be for you) is try a dummy. I had a very cryer baby for 6 weeks. Then gave a dummy and it was a complete game changer! It doesn’t work for all baby’s though.
Do not disappear, you might not feel it, but your baby loves you and feels safe with you. Sending you loads of love cx

Like others have said, maybe it's the background noise of chattering that lulls him to sleep. I remember playing a coffee shop background noise on YouTube for my first baby, after noticing how settled when she was when we'd go out for Sunday lunch. Going to your parents for a few nights also sounds like a good idea, to get some sleep and recharge your batteries.

Op I'd it's any consolation my babies are quite needy but everyone comments on how chilled they are. Babies are little boogers who like to make us look silly. Do what you have to do to get some sleep. An parents/iOS to visit/ go there etc. Just get some proper sleep. A good sleep and feed it will all seem less hellish.
You're doing a great job, he lives you more thank anything else in his world

Go stay over and catch up on sleep, do things together with your parents when tending to LO then try a few things - as others have said maybe ‘chatty’ white noise, temperature, swaddling, sleep pod. Try to stay calm, easier said than done I know. But also don’t drive yourself mad looking for logic, they are fickle little creatures and things change one week to the next and you often never know why.