People making me feel down about weight gain

[maria2bela]

As title suggests I have put on a heck of a load of weight in this pregnancy. I am overweight anyway and this will be my second birth in 2 years so as you can imagine I've really piled it on. No one else's fault but mine, I haven't been disciplined like I should have been, I've just found myself only able to eat junk most of the time and gone off the healthier foods...

We went to see a family friend who I call 'Aunty' as she's my mums age and I've known her since I was really little. Anyway, after our meet up she spoke to my mum and said that she was completely shocked at how much weight I'd put on, and how all the colour from my face had drained and that I had really let myself go. She said she couldn't stop thinking about it even after I'd left and that she worried about me.

This has made me feel like such shit. I know it's probably true but I've found it hard having a 1 year old and being pregnant, especially as now I'm 9 months I probably have let myself go. It really hurt to hear my mum repeat that back to me. My mum is usually no better, although in this pregnancy she has refrained from insulting my weight and backed off, but when I'm not pregnant she always is onto me about weight etc.

Should I address this with the family friend or just leave it?

She didn't say it to you and it wasn't said in an insulting manner, she sounds like she's actually worried about you.
Maybe it's time to draw a line in the sand and get on top of your eating habits when the baby arrives. Ask your mum and Aunty for support. If they care enough to mention it, they should be willing to help you.
It's not nice to hear, it never is. If someone had piled on weight and looked really sick after taking up heavy drinking there would be concern.

I'm absolutely not judging you, by the way. I'm in the same boat as you. Biscuits have been my food of choice for the last nine months.

Sorry you're feeling shit OP ❤️

She didn't say it to you and it wasn't said in an insulting manner, she sounds like she's actually worried about you.

Yeah right !

OP, I’m sure you know that you’ll feel better if you eat healthier and lose weight so you don’t need anyone telling you or talking about you behind your back. I think your mum was nasty to tell you actually.

Try not to let it upset you. Have your baby and then try to start eating healthier. You can lose weight whereas Aunty will always be a bit of a cow. 😛

It was unkind of your mum to repeat what was said. Your aunt didn't mean for you to hear her concerns or she would have spoken to you directly.
Don't let it get to you. You are about to have a baby and now is not the time for crash diets.

If you breast feed you may lose a lot of the weight anyway, so leave it until baby is safely arrived, then buy a sling and carry your little one around with you. The perfect approach to weight lifting that should help you ease your weight off xx

Hey, I’m sorry this has happened to you. I thought fat shaming was so 2019! But no, it’s not. People still feel the need to comment on other people’s bodies. And the patronising advice on diet and nutrition, don’t get me started! Like you’re some idiot that doesn’t know what that means.
You are pregnant. Of course you’ve gained weight. Who cares. The most important thing is that you and baby are fit and healthy.
Also you are pregnant during a pandemic. That’s stressful as hell. Most of us eat during anxious times. You’ll loose it when and if you are ready.

Thanks for the replies.

Yes I agree that perhaps she took it to my mum because she didn't want to upset me, but then I also think to speak like that about someone who's 9 months pregnant is a bit silly and mean. I have a 1 year old to run around after, I don't even put on makeup these days and I'm totally exhausted everyday. Maybe my mum should have kept it to herself. But my mum uses these opportunities to tell me what she thinks about my weight too so 🤷🏽‍♀️.

I definitely intend to breastfeed and diet after birth, I was going to boot camp twice a week and dieting before finding out I was pregnant, so my eating and lifestyle went from one extreme to another.

But my mum uses these opportunities to tell me what she thinks about my weight too so

That’s really unkind.

Try not to let it spoil what will be a very special time with having a new baby. 💐 Your weight is your business. I think with being pregnant and tired, that you’ve done very well not to tell them both to piss off. You’re obviously far more polite than me. 🤣

When are you due? Are you awake because you’re uncomfortable? I couldn’t sleep at all from about 35 weeks in my second pregnancy. My daughter seemed to kick and wriggle all night and then go still as soon as I had to get up. And I had constant heartburn which also kept me awake. 🙄 But very worth it when she arrived.

But your aunty is concerned about your health i couldn’t get upset about that myself. You also need to consider her age in her opinions as it will impact how she sees people overweight.
My mum was a 60s child they used to sew themselves into their jeans , she always thought of herself as overweight she defo wasnt. As an adult she would look at photos of people and comment in shock if a handsome male was with a heavier lady. I’d just put it down to concern and her not understanding pressures of modern day life.

I don’t think your Aunt was being mean. It sounds as though she may have been shocked. I think maybe your mum should not of relayed that as it’s not her place to repeat what was said.
I do think with weight it’s easy to pile on and whilst nobody says anything about it it’s easy to get out of control or think I’ll loose it if I want but in reality nothing gets done.

I would probably just use it as a motivation to start cutting junk out and eating more healthier.

Yes it's true I definitely do accept that I've put on weight and look a bit run down. As I'm at the end now I'm just waiting to give birth and hoping that I'll get some of energy back and feel myself like I did after my first, I gave birth and dropped 3 stone in 3 weeks and started to feel like me again.

I’d be directing the anger or upset at your mum in that scenario, rather than your Aunty.

Sorry you’re feeling crap though, all the best for the birth

Sending hugs OP. I think in this day and age people really shouldn’t be commenting on anyone else’s weight, and it’s so patronising to say someone is worried about your health. Almost everyone has a mirror and the ability to see what they look like, they don’t need others commenting and pointing out the obvious.
Please also don’t feel the need to rush into extreme exercise and dieting as soon as you’ve given birth, take it in your own time. As someone who has struggled with her weight over the years, I’ve often found the comments from others more demoralising than encouraging. Wishing you all the best for the birth

@maria2bela I'd take the "look" out of the equation. That is no one's business. You seem to be on a good path, you know you are not on the healthy side and you are dealing with it. Good for you!

As for the family, they may or may not have your best interests in heart (I mean every mum is concerned about their child, no matter what age) so I get that too, but I would not advice any 9m pregnant lady about anything like ever. Your body, your decision on how you deal with it. End of.

Enjoy the new baby :)

@Snorlax86 Exactly me too. I've never been insulted and then thought oh wow I'm really motivated to get on a diet and exercise etc. I think it was the bit when she said even after I left her house she ' dwelled' on the way I looked for 3 days! I thought like omg do I look THAT terrible

Its second hand information. You dont know what your mum has embellished or left out etc because of her own feelings about your weight and wanting this to be backed up by someone else.

To be honest in this situation I would be annoyed with my mum for telling me when there was absolutely no need to. I think that's cruel to tell you something which she knows will upset you. Theres absolutely no need for it and perhaps she should think before she speaks.