Partner might not want anymore kids.. not sure how to feel?! Advice please!

[sunsetsandsea]

Hi mumnset'ers!

Thought I would come on here to express how I'm feeling in the hope of some rational advice because this is the best place for it!

So.. me and my partner have been together for 6 years and he has two daughters from a previous relationship who are 7 and 10. When we met I asked him straight away if he wanted anymore children as I knew I did and he said he didn't imagine having more but would for me. Then years later changed his mind and wanted one just as much as me, to help glue our family together even more.

So, I am currently pregnant in my third trimester with a baby girl after a miscarriage last year and so over the moon!! I told him I've always dreamt of having a daughter and so it really is a dream come true. I think he would have liked a son as it would have been different for us but selfishly I am glad it's a girl! although I must point out we would have been happy with either!

However.... I always imagined I would have 2 children of my own when I was younger and I still feel that way. I asked him the other day if he would have one more in a few years time and he said he doesn't really want to as there would be too much pressure on it being a boy to give him a son, and if it was another girl, truthfully he would be disappointed. As hard as that is, I do get it! Of course we'd both be happy it's a healthy baby but if he ended up with 4 daughters, it's not what he pictured or ideally wanted.

I would probably love to have another, to try and give him a son but above that to just have the opportunity to have two children of my own and for our baby girl to have a sibling of a similar age. I think he sees it as I've got the daughter I always wanted now and that should be enough. Which I also get!

The reason I am thinking about it all now is because I'm nearing my due date and kinda feeling sad that this might be my one and only experience of pregnancy!

What are your thoughts please?! Am I being unreasonable for wanting one more baby after this and is he well within his rights to say no more, despite knowing I want one? Should I just put the idea to bed as it's not worth the disappointment?

No prejudice please ☺️

It’s a tricky one, you have to think that he will soon have three children and to him, a fourth is probably massively overwhelming. When you have a baby with someone who already has children these things can become an issue. I wouldn’t worry about it at all yet, you may have this baby and feel yourself like you don’t want to have anymore. I wouldn’t work yourself up about something that hasn’t even happened yet, enjoy your baby and cross the bridge of discussing another if and when you get to it😌

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable for potentially wanting another but he is well within his rights to say no and you’ve just got to decide if the time came to it, what that meant for you.

I’d try not to worry too much about it now. You both have time to change your mind.
Have a wonderful 3rd trimester xx

@thetangleteaser @BeMorePacific thanks ladies! very sound advice indeed ☺️ xx

I was in a similar situation although partner has a son rather than daughters. He didn’t really want more but agreed to have a child with me as he knew I really wanted to be a mum and didn’t think it was fair for me to miss out. The plan was always just one and he was adamant that he didn’t want any more children after that.

Our son was born just over eighteen months ago. My partner absolutely adores him and now is keen to give him a little brother or sister so we are trying for a second. As he put it: “When you look at how much joy he brings us, how could we not want another?”.

I think if your partner absolutely doesn’t want another then you have to respect that but you never know what might happen. He is basing his expectations on his previous experiences as a parent when actually this time around he might feel completely different!