Non first timers...what are you doing differently this time?

[PregnantGrrrl]

After 'practising' on DS i'm doing a few things differently this time.

Going to try swaddling- DS was a flappy sleeper, sure half the time i got up and breastfed him back to sleep it was from arm flapping waking him up.

Going to breastfeed for longer...i felt sad after stopping at 6mths last time.

Letting new baby settle self to sleep- i don't think DS started doing this until a few weeks ago! He was always fed or cuddled to sleep, rather than left to lie quietly for a bit.

I don't listen to a word anyone says - except my beloved computer sprites.

What I did do, which worked, is accept that newborns are fairly low maintainence as long as their needs are met. However, they don't need to be stared at tearfully at 3 am, while they sleep...

Best things I did second time which really helped.

1. Banned MIL from staying for the first 6 weeks.

2. Hired a post natal doula - worth her weight in gold! Wish I'd had the nous to do that first time, I'm sure it might have gone some way to preventing the PND.

I got a bedside cot - which has been brilliant.

Also a hugabub instead of a baby bjorn. Even more brilliant.

And have been forced to allow DD to whinge for a more than a nanosecond in order to continue with childcare for DS. That's not so brilliant but, alas, inevitable.

i'm inisisting on 2 full days of no visitors aswell, however much they whine or push.

• Get some sleep in the first couple of nights rather than waking every 1/2 hour to gaze a little sleeping bundle next to me.

• Co-sleep whilst in hospital and not care whether its allowed or not.

• Be confident enough to know that sometimes babies just cry for the sake of it and it doesn't mean anything is necessarily wrong.

• Have a relaxed, positive birth.

• After the first 2 days, no relatives staying for at least two weeks.

And on the downside
*Won't have dh at home with me for the first 6 months

I will be having a totally pain free birth; a baby that sleeps through the night from day one; nipples that don't crack or bleed; breasts that magically go back to a perfect pert 34c as soon as I stop breastfeeding; a stomach that is flat within three days of giving birth and a husband who brings me flowers, chocolates and champagne every day for the rest of my life.

Is that going to be possible?

oh yes eat fewer biscuits and eat more fruit

*Ban In-Laws for the first 6 months (at least)

*Get a Night Nanny occasionally once I have an ample supply of frozen BM

*Enjoy each stage more instead of being anxious about hurrying him through each one.

*Demand that DH does something for the baby prior to the first birthday.

this thread has made me think about what I'll do diff this time - haven't thought much about this baby too much work and playing with ds

so my list is:
will be trusting my instincts more
remember that happy mum = happy baby
ask for help more and not beat myself up if I have PND again - just because some people look like they are coping doesn't mean I have to pretent too
not listen to MIL about weaning 'advice'
try for a home birth
don't do too much
not assume that lo will be same as ds
ignore competetive mums (and grandparents!)

will be banning guests from saying over till I feel comfortable again....

think thats everything!

definitely no visitors on day 3 and they can get their own drinks etc

will not allow anyone to take a photo that shows anything of me below the neck - I want no more reminders of the huge jelly belly

I would just say that for everyone going for BF - get that sorted before you give up the cake and chocolates - often problems with breastfeeding can be down to not enough calorie intake for mum - so do keep eating the cakes

What's so special about day 3?

day 3 - when your milk usually comes in and when your hormones go a bit wild and many women get the so-called babyblues

Ah right, thanx.

i didn't get baby blues, i just cried with soppiness at stupid things...like adverts. Much like pregnancy then really!

Firstly try and not eat like a pig this time so not to put on the 6 stone I managed last time

I am going to do all I can to breastfeed as was not able to with DS as milk never came in but this time round am only 11+2 and my booobs are huge and yesterday even leaked in the bath !!

i will not pay attention to everyones "good" advice and do what comes naturally!

Go to an Post natal group as felt very lonely with DS as lost all friends as they were all still partying

Ask for help when I need it.

Not worry that I'm a terrible mother and a complete failure.

Not accept useless help or negative comments from people who don't have children.

Not stare at them at 2am wondering when they are going to wake up for the next feed just because I can't sleep. And not stare at them in awe, amazed that I have created them during the night.

Not go by the book, accept that every baby is different and books are designed for everyone, not my babies.

Trust my instincts more and panic less.

Try not to worry about BF all the time - I spent 5 months feeling stressed at every feed even tho it actually went ok.

Not spend as long expressing morning and night - I really didn't need an entire freezer full of milk, I didn't need to increase supply that much and in the end it only last about 2 weeks when I was weaning!

(Sort of linked to the last one) Be happy leaving cartons of formula for other people to cover the occasional feed when I need to be somewhere else.

Relax and enjoy the baby - I spent far too much time worrying (and panicking my life had disappeared into a black hole never to be seen again), safe in the knowledge that the small baby bit really doesn't last very long so I might as well make the most of it.

Things I will do again: swaddling, 1 bottle a day from 2 weeks, not rush to pick up baby every time they cry, use dummy if necessary, get BF advice from doula, accept help from friends and family, let friends and family supply as much food and support as they want to provide!