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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Question about birth partner and active birth stage

27 replies

Cherryrainbow · 18/08/2020 18:12

Hey all so I'm just past 34 weeks saw midwife today. Doing birthplan in 2 weeks time together but I did ask today what the situation is regarding partners at the birth, she said only from once in active labour so around 4cm plus.

Was just wondering if anyones been in recently, did you hold off going to hospital as long as you could before going in so your partner could be there at the same time or did you find you had some time on your own before contacting partner to hospital? Is there anything to look out for in terms of knowing when abouts you are in that stage of labour? Many thanks x

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1990shopefulftm · 18/08/2020 18:13

How far are you from the hospital? I m not due until October but as we re 5 minutes away I m going to talk to my midwife about staying at home as long as possible.

OneTooManyBathtimes · 18/08/2020 18:16

I've not been in recently, I gave birth 11 months ago and I was told that they prefer you to come in as late as you can because it's better for you to be comfortable, and definitely in later stages of labour than getting there and not being admitted.

Both times I got to hospital 9 cm dilated, although with DD 2nd time round I was probably 10cm because she was born 10 mins later. (Was also 4cm dilated at my sweep). I'd have been really uncomfortable at hospital had I gone in straight after my sweep. That would have been 4 hours of me trying to put it off.

However, I will say to trust your gut. I wasn't sure if I should go in as the pain wasn't too bad, however from previous experience, and a gut feeling telling me I would have a 5 hour labour, I went in. Labour in the end was 4 hours 10mins.

Original poster

Cherryrainbow · 18/08/2020 18:16

About a 20 minute drive or so I think depending on traffic etc x

OP posts:

firstimemamma · 18/08/2020 18:17

I had my baby 2 years ago but arrived at hospital 5cm dilated. I can't remember what we'd waited for to arrive at that stage (maybe contractions every ten mins lasting 30 secs?!) ask your midwife and they should be able to advise re. when to phone / go in. Good luck.

NameChange30 · 18/08/2020 18:21

You do not have to consent to vaginal examinations. The problem with this rule about a birth partner only being allowed when you're in active labour and an extremely narrow definition of active labour as 4cm dilated is that they are essentially coercing women into vaginal examinations. You can decline a VE, ask them to assess based on other factors (eg frequency and duration of contraction) and request that if in doubt they assume you are in active labour and allow your birth partner to join you.

Unfortunately it can be quite common for women giving birth for the first time to be fobbed off as not being in active labour when they are. So if you feel like things are progressing (and you will feel it) don't be afraid to stand your ground.

Scubalubs87 · 18/08/2020 20:11

My hospital advise you to ring when you’re having 3 contractions per 10 minute lasting about 1 minute each and they’ll assess you over the phone and tell you whether to come in or not. I was 5cm when I arrived at the hospital and had a very quick second stage as my son was born an hour and half later so this time I’m just going to ring and tell them I’m coming when I feel ready incase things are even quicker this time.

The longer you can stay at home the better really but there can be a tendency to fob first time mothers off. I know a fair few women who were pretty far gone when they were finally assessed and caught the midwives by surprise. Fortunately, I was listened to when I said I needed to push.

RoseGoldEagle · 18/08/2020 20:22

Id like to know this too, and do they let your partner in while they examine you and then send them away if you’re not 4cm yet? Or does your partner have to wait outside and you have to call them if it turns out you are in active labour? Hate the idea of going in without DH!

1990shopefulftm · 18/08/2020 20:36

@RoseGoldEagle I believe some hospitals have made mums be examined alone and then their partner can join them if they re at 4cm.
If I go in and I m not 4cm yet, we re so close to the hospital I ll be going back home for a bit if baby is okay I think.

Bettie2192 · 18/08/2020 21:00

I am due in December and if all these covid restrictions are still in place I swear I won’t be setting foot in hospital without my husband, I don’t care what they say 😂

Newmama29 · 18/08/2020 21:08

From what I understand “active labour” isn’t defined as being 4cm dilated, therefore you can refuse VE from midwives (this was told to me from the head of midwifery in my area). They define active labour as increased pain & frequency of contractions. Luckily my area are semi back to normal with birthing partners etc so I would double check with your trust/board what the updates are. Although our birthing pools are still shut.. but I can have a bath

Babs709 · 18/08/2020 21:12

As above, general rule is 3 contractions in 10 minutes. You are unlikely to need to be in hospital pre 4cm. Have known four friends have babies during this and their partners were with them the whole time. Different rules and different trusts but I’m confident no one is going to make you do this alone (even partially).

LatteLover12 · 18/08/2020 21:22

I'd try and stay at home for as long as you can. Have a bath/use a tens machine etc.

I think I had about 3 baths with my first before I went into hospital & when I arrived I was already 7cm.

My local hospital are asking women to go in alone to be assessed and then partners will be called if they believe the woman is in active labour (4cm+)

Bettyboop82 · 18/08/2020 21:28

I had my baby 4 weeks ago. Husband had to stay in the car until I rang him when I got the the ‘active’ stage a few hours later. He wasn’t even allowed in to help me to the delivery suite with my bag etc. We are half an hour from the hospital and it was the middle of the night so he just had a snooze in the car! He was kicked out and not allowed to return (at all!!) an hour after the birth too. Totally mental and OTT rules in my opinion but what can you do?

Original poster

Cherryrainbow · 18/08/2020 21:28

Thanks guys. I had my son 7 years ago and can barely remember when and what happened, I know I started contractions on the friday night but didnt have him until the Sunday evening, I was off my face on loads of medication from pain relief and because of an infection and crazy low iron (ended up in hospital for a further week due to fever/hallucinations etc)

Hopefully midwife will cover everything in the next appointment. the timing of the contractions seems a pretty good way of indicating when it's time to go. I'll try and get an app to monitor and time them as well.

OP posts:

Bluejayway91 · 18/08/2020 21:30

I'm Group V Strep positive and have been told that I need to come to hospital as soon as my waters break. I'm a 5 min drive, but terrified of the concept of being alone until I'm 4cm dilated.

Original poster

Cherryrainbow · 18/08/2020 21:31

@bettyboop82 oh hun! I heard months ago the dads were being asked to leave fairly quickly didnt know it was still the case :( I agree you would think things would be eased considering everyone's going back to work, schools, restaurants etc now x

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 18/08/2020 21:31

Do I have to have a vaginal examination to assess whether I am in established labour?

No. You always have the right to decline any intervention, including vaginal examinations (VEs). If you have given your consent to a vaginal examination under pressure, for example, because you have been told your partner cannot join you until you are in established labour, your consent may not be valid and the healthcare professional could be legally liable if they proceed with the VE.

There are other ways for an experienced midwife to tell if you are in established labour (around 3-4cm dilated) and therefore ready to be admitted to the unit if that is your plan. If you are still in early labour, you should have the option of returning home with your partner. If there is any doubt about whether you are in established labour or not, you should be admitted to the birth centre or labour ward if there is room.

From www.birthrights.org.uk/2020/03/12/coronovirus-how-will-it-affect-my-rights-to-maternity-care/

Zoey92 · 18/08/2020 21:35

Had my DD 7weeks ago.
I woke 2:10am with contractions, they tried to put me off coming to hosp with her being my first, but i knew i had to get there i had 3 contractions within 5mins yet stoll tried to put me off.
Was told to come for 3am.
My waters went at home at 2:40 am once i got off the phone.
Got to hosp 3am, partner stayed with me but i was also 6cm once examined by 3:20.
I was 10cm by 4am & she arrived 4:33am.
I think everywheres different now atm.
I was petrified he would be told to leave

Lockdownseperation · 18/08/2020 21:39

@Bluejayway91

I'm Group V Strep positive and have been told that I need to come to hospital as soon as my waters break. I'm a 5 min drive, but terrified of the concept of being alone until I'm 4cm dilated.

In my second labour my waters didn’t break until I was about to push. It was just have a rest and be thankful break.

gonewiththerain · 18/08/2020 21:44

I went to hospital when the contractions were 3 in 10. I could have stayed at home longer but had had a c section previously. Was only 3cm when I got there but partner was allowed to stay. They do like you to arrive early if you’ve had a c section

Floralprints · 18/08/2020 22:00

I had my baby during the lockdown. When contractions were 3 in 10 we contacted the unit who said to go in for an examination. My partner was not allowed in during this and had to wait in the car. When it was confirmed I was over 4cm I telephoned him and he met me in the labour ward. He was allowed to stay for the rest of the labour and a couple of hours after the baby was born. He wasn't allowed to visit the ward and only collected us for the journey home. I think with your first baby it can be hard to gauge how far along you are. Don't be afraid to keep in touch with the unit during your labour at home and prepare to be sent home to continue your labour if you're examined and not yet 4cm.

Bluejayway91 · 18/08/2020 22:14

@Lockdownseperation that's good to know that may happen.

First child, so frankly terrified about everything.

The leaflet does say when your waters break or when you know you're in labour. I'm gonna have to speak to my midwife as I assumed that waters broke then labour happens?

Superscientist · 19/08/2020 02:19

My waters broke at midnight, I was assessed in triage alone. They didn't do an exam as it was clear my waters had gone, they were going to do a sweep but the ctg monitoring showed contractions although I couldn't really feel them. By 3 am I could feel them 3 in 10 but only 15-30 seconds in duration. They reached 60 seconds duration at about 8/9am I went in to be checked again alone and was 2 cm.
I went home 3h later I was struggling to cope at home. I called again and there was room for me on the midwife led unit and here my partner could be with me for the duration regardless of how dilated I was. I was 10cm at this point, baby born within the hour.
I wanted to stay at home as long as possible not because of covid and the restrictions but because of wanting to be in a relaxed place where I was comfortable with my surroundings.

NameChange30 · 19/08/2020 07:29

"I assumed that waters broke then labour happens?"

Not necessarily, don't believe what you see in films and TV

Often waters don't break until later in labour, I was already in the birth centre when mine broke (I had already lost some and contractions were coming thick and fast so they asked me to go in).

firstimemamma · 19/08/2020 08:21

I went into labour at 5:30am but my waters didn't break until 9pm and ds was born just before 10pm!

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