Confused / worried about SIDS does anyone have any advice.

[Aug122020]

Hi everyone,

I’m an anxious FTM and have been reading up on how to reduce the risk of sids and it is really making me panic.

I guess I’m also confused about what SIDS is. I always thought it was sort of sudden unexplained death with no cause, but after reading about it it sounds like there is usually a cause such as baby ending up face down and being unable to turn over in their cot. Can anyone help explain? I feel like if I understand it better I might not be so worried.

It all just sounds so scary online and I’ve been doing everything to reduce the risks but I’m still so worried, as the last day or so my baby has been really unsettled when sleeping.

He is 17 days old, last night he screamed the house down if I tried to put him in his cot or Moses basket and would only sleep on my bed or on me. He’s only done this once before and eventually settled after a few hours, but last night he just wouldn’t calm down I felt so awful he sounded so distressed.

I lay with him on my chest and when he fell asleep tried to move him but the second he was in his basket he woke up screaming again.

I eventually gave in as I was terrified I would fall asleep holding him as I was so tired and lying back was making me fall asleep, I just made a space for him on top of our blanket, got a strong coffee and sat awake and watched him all night to check he was okay and I’m now exhausted .

I just feel guilty because I know it’s not as safe as his cot but I didn’t know what else to do, I was still terrified of SIDS even when I was sitting watching him all night. I’m hoping he goes back to being settled in his own cot tonight because I don’t know what to do otherwise.

Does anyone have any advice? X

Ah you poor thing, sounds like you've had a rough night. Yes, I think it's extremely confusing regarding SIDS and what is essentially a baby suffocating because of parents accidentally falling asleep on a sofa etc.

The best thing to do in your situation is to plan to co sleep, it sounds like he settles well like that so once you get used to it you will both get more sleep. Making sure there are no covers lose or blankets nearby. You will find that you instinctively curl around your baby. It's not cosleeping that's dangerous , we've been doing it for thousands of years, it's the conditions of our bed that can make it unsafe.

The lullaby trust now condones safe cosleeping, as does UNICEF so there is a lot more support for it than there was.

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/ tells you the key points on how to co sleep safely. Nothing wrong with it if you follow the guidelines re: bed coverings, bed not sofa etc

Watching this thread with lots of interest.

I'm 19 weeks pregnant with my first and am also very anxious and worried about SIDS - this is mainly due to my parents experiencing SIDS with my older sister. They lost her at 6 months old. This was back in 1983 and I believe they called it "cot death" then. It's hard for my parents to talk about, but from what they've told me, she was lying on her back in her cot, sleeping, and when they went to check on her they found that she had just stopped breathing. An ambulance was called, but unfortunately she had passed away. Absolutely devastatingly heartbreaking for my parents. Life can be so cruel and unfair sometimes.

I'm sure research has evolved a lot since then, so there will be a lot of current guidance. Hoping this will help all us anxious MTB and new mums will find some reassurance and confidence.

I would agree and also suggest co-sleeping could be the way forward for you. My two were similar and didn’t settle without some form of close contact so it was the only way I could get any sleep and actually I loved it.

As previous posters have advised there is plenty of info online as to how to do it safely and I really hope it means you and baby get some well deserved rest 😊

When my baby was newborn she absolutely would not sleep in her Moses basket, we ended up bedsharing as it's the only way we got any sleep. She's now 6 months and she sleeps for the first half of the night in her cot and then comes into bed with me. It's perfectly safe to do as long as you follow the bedsharing guidelines. Some babies are happy to sleep on their own, some babies want to be nearer to you, so just do what's best for you and your baby so that you can get a bit of sleep x

SIDS can be because if suffocation but there is often no cause. A baby can die from SIDS and there is never a cause found, it is therefore not the parents fault in this sort of case and not down to unsafe practices.

Unexplained deaths can be due to cardiac factors that can’t be found. It is very rare.

There is good guidance from the lullaby trust on avoiding risk factors. The main ones being avoiding smoking and alcohol, maintaining a firm mattress, no co sleeping on the sofa.

I had SIDS paranoia with my first. My HV said it’s very very very very very unlikely ( she wanted to say impossible but couldn’t) for a baby to die of SIDS in a smoke free home when parents haven’t been drinking or bed sharing whilst on drugs/drunk.

Make sure baby falls asleep on their back and aren’t too hot. I wouldn’t have them sleeping on my blanket if in my bed. I put the blanket over myself then the other half on the floor opposite side of where baby is. Never bed share if been drinking/taking drugs.

Have a google on safe co sleeping advice.