Antenatal depression?

[Anxiousgirl23]

I’m 27 + 3 with my first baby and I’m having a lot of low days... feelings of not really wanting my baby, not feeling any connection to her, worrying about what life will be like after she’s born. I just don’t feel very happy about anything. Everyone else seems more excited than me. HAs anyone else felt like this and what helped?

I’ve been a bit like this as well, not exactly but definitely very low. I have had previous depression and I think it is creeping back but I really don’t want to go on anti depressants when I’m pregnant. I spent all day in bed yesterday and couldn’t do anything. I’m worried how I will cope if I am like this when baby comes.

Sorry I can’t offer help, just want you to know you’re not alone.

@Bumble84 thanks for replying. Sorry to hear you are also struggling. I’ve also had depression in the past but didn’t get on with anti depressants so not keen to try those again. How many weeks are you? Have you got any support from your midwife?

I’m 22weeks. I haven’t mentioned it to midwife yet but was going to next week when I see her. I don’t think lockdown is helping either and is making me even more insular. Have you spoken to your gp or midwife about it yet?

Yes i feel the same about lockdown - definitely not helping. My midwife knows i have some issues and I’ve been referred for counselling but the waiting list is long

That’s my worry that even if I can get counselling it’s the when with a waiting list. I’ve thought about maybe seeing if there is anything private or through my work. Do you have that option?

I had very severe (almost suicidal) antenatal depression in my first trimester. It was certainly caused by hormones, but the prospect of a new baby is stressful! My advice would be to reach out to your midwife - they may put you in touch with your local maternal mental health team if needed, but you may find you feel better just for having confided in someone. Are you able to talk to your partner? Take really good care of yourself and prioritise your mental health. Good luck

Ps this in no way minimises how you're feeling, but "what the hell am I doing?" is not an uncommon thought in pregnancy. I know it's "supposed" to be sunshine and rainbows, but it isn't like that for a lot of women and certainly not all of the time. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions without feeling guilty.

In terms of building a bond with my baby before she was born, I found prenatal yoga and hypnobirthing helped massively, and you may find that as your baby grows and starts moving more, you develop more of a connection. Try not to worry about that though, there's no right or wrong way to experience pregnancy!

@Bumble84 I’ve tried private counselling before but didn’t make much difference and cost a lot. I’m self-employed so don’t have the option of any help from work

@Mybobowler thanks for replying. Sorry you had such a hard time, my midwife knows and referred me to the specialist mental health midwife but unfortunately she’s been off sick for months and there’s no replacement... am also on waiting list for counselling from local borough services after midwife referral but fear won’t get that help until baby already here. I talk to my husband who is supportive but we have so much going on at the moment - he’s been made redundant after being furloughed for months too so everything quite stressful

Aah I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. Fingers crossed some support will come through soon. In the meantime, have you tried mindfulness or breathing exercises? That can really help when you're feeling overwhelmed. Find the little things that make you feel calm, whether that's a walk or a long bath or eating ice cream in front of the TV. Take care of yourself. It all falls into place, promise.

I am 26+1 with first baby and feel pretty similar - definitely not excited. At best I feel neutral, at worst ridiculously apprehensive. I'm trying to distract myself with all the practical elements, researching stuff to buy etc rather than focusing on the reality of actually having a baby! I honestly think it's quite normal to feel this way - everyone presumes you're supposed to feel excited but at the end of the day it's a massive life-changing event and there's no "right" way to feel about it. So as well as the suggestions other people have made, I'd also say don't feel bad about how you feel!!

@Anxiousgirl23 someone suggested to me to keep a diary. I think I might try it. Not to read again but just to get thoughts out.