Advice please

[Helpmexx]

How often should a dad see an eight week old baby and should he be seeing her away from me she is breastfed and he wants me to go on formula which I don’t want to.. He also is it financially supporting her. Also threatening to take me to court, I’m scared I’ll lose her

No court will take a baby from it’s mother unless serious neglect.

Breast feed for as long as you want too, it’s none of his business.

Are you happy to have him in your home? If not supervised access twice a week between feeds

Absolutely do not let him dictate how you feed the baby! Let him see the baby between feeds as pp have suggested. If he wants to go to court then well and good, at least it will put things on a solid footing.

He sounds like a dick. Hold your ground, personally I wouldn’t let him have her unsupervised until after 6 months, your baby needs your milk and you!
Can you let him come visit while you are around?

When he sees the baby or not, he should be paying child maintenance. If he's not, contact CMS:
www.gov.uk/making-child-maintenance-arrangement/using-child-maintenance-service

As for contact and feeding arrangements, your baby is 8 weeks and he has no right to dictate anything - everything has to be in the baby's best interests and currently that is baby being with primary carer (you) plus time limited, supervised contact with him that does not interfere with the feeding or sleeping schedule. If he doesn't have baby's best interests at heart and is doing all this to assert control and power with you, just don't engage with him. You could offer mediation and see if he takes you up on it. That would be necessary before going to court, anyway, unless he was abusive in which case you would be exempt.

Whether, not when

If he's a good dad so far and providing financial support, then if it were me I'd want the baby to bond with the father just as much as myself as it's in the child's best interests. He can always take the baby for a walk or look after her whilst you rest in between feeds.. or you could pump enough for him to take the baby away for a few hours for further bonding.

A good dad so far? Threatening to take the mother to court over an 8 week old baby, yeah dad of the year right there

Also I think it was a typo and he's not providing financial support.

Well court would be a fair thing if he was providing support, but if you meant he's not then that's totally different.... what excuse is he giving to not provide it?

@33muma

If he's a good dad so far and providing financial support, then if it were me I'd want the baby to bond with the father just as much as myself as it's in the child's best interests. He can always take the baby for a walk or look after her whilst you rest in between feeds.. or you could pump enough for him to take the baby away for a few hours for further bonding.

Sorry I meant not providing

@33muma he said a baby doesn’t need anything apart from wipes and nappies and he will bring me or send me some every two weeks which he hasn’t… I told him maybe be more than that for example the extra electricity, gas, the laundry, extra food I eat in order to breastfeed, clothes etc . I only get 600na month from mat pay and I spend most of it on her.

@33muma I don’t want him dictating what I need. He doesn’t know.

You poor thing. First things first is that you need something in writing (perhaps an email and just text him to give him the heads up).
Explain over email what expenses you've incurred so far (pram, cot) then list other daily expenses such as nappies. If he wishes to have regular contact (not supervised as that sets a bad tone, obviously unless he's been abusive), then you expect £X from him. Joint custody means sharing the finances.
By having something in writing, if he does take you to court, you have evidence of trying to be agreeable and fair.

@AnotherEmma The problem is he hates me and doesn’t want to see me only my baby I let her go up on Monday last week for four hours and she came back sick diarrhoea and had to go to the hospital because she caught a tummy bug

Just seen your other message. Remember that you're not working because of the baby you both agreed to have, so he is subject to sharing a percentage of bills from your side. Get it all on paper!

Call CMS and also look into whether you could claim Universal Credit, you may well be entitled. (I assume you're already claiming child benefit?)

Don't let him have her unsupervised for 4 hours. If there is no family member or other person that you both trust to supervise contact, then it doesn't happen - or it's very short ie 1 hour.

@33muma he didn’t want her, he actually left me because of it. I thought he wasn’t going to be apart of her life but now he has decided he wants to be. He even said he wants to go to court for full custody of her.

@Hatscats he said he doesn’t want to see me, and he said me breastfeeding is an excus to stop him seeing her even tho I said he can come anytime he wants.

@AnotherEmma I applied last week and also for my child benefits… that’s what I thought but he’s being so mean and I know if I say he can’t have 4hrs again it will be more fighting. But I will tell him he can’t.

Well whatever you decide as it's your call and no one else's, I still think get everything in writing to him. Good luck!

I am sure you don't want to go through the courts, but let him take you to court hun. It will mean you will have something in writing, he will have to pay support money to you forgive child & it will mean he won't be able to call the shots or dictate to you. It will cost him to taking you to court, but not cost you.
As a previous poster has written - courts do not take babies/children away from Mums unless there are serious concerns over neglect etc.
My ex is saying the same, I was scared of the thought of court-- now I say to him bring it on. Be strong OP 💛

I’d also stop contact and let him take you to court for access.

Did you put his name in the birth certificate?