Wanting to try for 3rd child during COVID..

[YRose123]

Hi just wanted some thoughts/opinions/experiences on people who are pregnant or trying for a baby during this pandemic.

I have 2 daughters from a previous relationship ages 8 this year and 5 this year..My current partner has a child age 7 this year from a previous situation (they were never actually together and had a dna test on son when he was born which revealed he was actually the father as she slept with two people at the time)....so my partner hadn't experienced the whole 'pregnancy journey' and wants nothing more than to experience scans, watching me take the test, watch every movement and growth and birth experience as he never had that with his son.

We have spoken for a while about having a 'final' child, and a child of our own to complete our family and make the children feel more bonded and complete with a sibling that's shared between them all, ideally I want it over and done with soon...our age/children's age gaps etc now just seems a good time to have my coil removed and try and see what happens...and I want to have them all in school at one point and get back on track with a career etc. 🤣

I just don't know if it's for the best to wait until 'life' returns to a much normal familiar place which who knows when that could be...or just go ahead and try and go for it...🤷🏻‍♀️

I know scans etc are restricted and birth plans now have to be really restricted so I just don't know!

This is such a tough one.

I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant with our first baby. Had I have known what was install for us all this year, we would not have tried for a baby. I have absolutely hated not being able allowed to have my husband with me during scans/appointments. We've had a few scares and facing them alone was horrible. He's also struggled with feeling as though he's useless and excluded from the experience. I'm dreading any prolonged hospital stay following the birth too as a couple of hours after, he will be asked to leave. The uncertainty has been a killer too - I'm worrying constantly about our job security; whether I'll be able to access our support network with the constant threat of lockdowns etc. I should also mention that while I've been very fortunate in that my care has continued as normal/planned, I know of many ladies across the country who haven't had appointments when they normally would etc.

In short, I feel robbed of the experience as to date - it's just been one big stress fest.This is just my experience though and I'm sure a lot of my fears are linked to being a FTM. It's also very easy for me to say I would wait as I'm 25, fairly healthy etc.

I’m currently 11 weeks pregnant with my 3rd. The way I see it this situation could go on for years, it’s all so unknown. For similar reasons to you plus my age we didn’t want to wait indefinitely.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

If you wait until life returns to normal then I think you'll be waiting a long time! My DH and I had always decided to try once married. We got married the week before lockdown but decided to continue with our plan, as neither of us is young! I am now 19 weeks and its not been that bad. The only change to my midwfie appointments has been that booking in was over the phone, still went in for bloods to see her, and my 16 week appointment was as normal. DH cant come but I recorded the heartbeat for him. He wasnt allowed at the 12 week scan, but we paid for a private one as by then partners were allowed at the private clinic near us. He is allowed at my 20 week scan next week. As for labour partners arent allowed in until you are in establish labour, so 4cm dialated, but in theory you wouldnt go into hospital until then anyway. In induced in our area if low risk they are allowing you to go in for the pessary then go home and see what happens. I'd go for it, you dont know how long it will take or what will happen. I've actually found that all appointments have been prompt, safe and efficient, much better than pre-covid.

It's my DC3 so no FTM worries here.

@IHTC I'm so sorry to hear how you're feeling! I understand what you mean about him feeling robbed of the experience because I suppose for a man that's the only way it becomes and feels more real! Good luck with everything I hope everything goes to plan! ♥️

@Dinosaursdontgrowontrees exactly how I feel..like it's just now or never really, because when will things return back to normal! 🤷🏻‍♀️ just horrible isn't it and so worrying for everyone. I've had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy so scans are always so scary but I would probably do what @Sanch1 said and go for private.

Thank you ladies, it's helped me realise I'm not the only one overthinking everything with all of this! Xx

Pregnant with my second and tbh - whilst I’m A little worried about what giving birth in the Autumn will be like- my husband not attending the scans hasn’t made any difference to us. If you wanted you’d be able to pay for private scans he could attend (a friend pregnant with her first had a private scan at home for her husband). If you find out the sex you can have them note it in an envelope you’d open together etc. He can still feel the baby kick, still read the apps on the progression/ size etc. I don’t think covid is making that big of a dent to hold off having a baby if you want one.

My concerns would be we don't yet know the side affects Covid could have on a baby if Mum catches it whilst pregnant bearing in mind some of the long term side effects include brain processing issues, heart disease/conditions.

If you conceived would you then shield yourself and all the family members to protect the unborn baby and what would that be like?

I don't wish to scaremonger but unless there is a huge issue why you either can't wait, or can't decide to stick with the DC you already have why take the risk?

It's not the same but in terms of bonding the DC closer I would seriously look at having a family dog.

Tough choices in tough times!

Also financial 4 DC once they leave primary years get incredible more expensive. Larger home (if you can car), larger home, clothes and activities, college costs as well as uni.

I'm pregnant with 2&3 (twins!) and husband hasn't been able to come to any scans. Even the private ones as children not allowed in and someone has to watch DD

That being said I wouldn't have put it off (this is an IVF pregnancy) - don't have a baby now just so partner can experience all the build up as you'll be disappointed when he can't attend anything - even at the births partners are only allowed in the bare minimum of time

@IHTC ‘one big stress fest’ - lol - this also describes my experience thus far! I’m 20+2, ftm after fertility treatment and not going to lie it is weird and all very worrying and I do feel quite alone with it because I am the only one in the appts, have to interpret and relay all the info myself (it hasn’t been entirely easy so far, so there have been times I’ve wished my husband was there too to take it all in). But at the end of the day I’m beyond excited for our baby and I think when it comes I’ll probably forget all the horrible lonely stress of this stage (I hope?!). If I had known, and had I not been on treatment, yes I would probs I’ve waited for normality, but hey ho...!

Personally my pregnancy hasn't really been affected much. We had a private scan before the 12 week one so DH and I could see the baby together,we might have another. They're about £70. Midwife appointments have been face to face, I'm planning a home water birth which is still an option in my area (wasn't at the start though).

For me COVID has actually been well timed, WFH has been a godsend when I've felt tired and sick and now when it would be getting hard to dress for the office comfortably. It has been easy to hide early pregnancy and it has been nice for my DH and I to have lots of time together at home, he's probably been more a part of it than if we were in our usual running around work and social lives.

Work for me is secure and DH got the grant from the government and his business will hopefully be ok🤞. The only crap thing is that I haven't been able to share it so much with my parents who are shielding but super excited.

I know I'm extremely lucky and that this isn't everyone's experience - I think you have to look at your own specific situation really...

Most trusts are now allowing partners to attend scans. This may change, of course.

If the timing is otherwise right, I wouldn’t put it off for Covid alone. We could be in this situation for for a long time, you can’t keep your life on hold.

I found out I was pregnant the week before lockdown and tbh it has been absolutely fine. My husband missed the first scan which we were both sad about but he could attend the 20 week scan. My level of care has been normal, all midwife appointments in person etc. So a lot depends on the area you’re in.

If you conceived would you then shield yourself and all the family members to protect the unborn baby and what would that be like?

🙄
Pregnant women have never been advised to shield and there is no evidence that Covid causes harm to in utero babies. Horrible scaremongering on a thread full of currently pregnant women.

Yeh my life as a pregnant woman is no diff from my non pregnant friends atm...no need to shield etc. Can go to restaurants and shops.

I’ll admit that being newly pregnant at the start of the pandemic was scary but there is a huge amount of evidence being collated across the world which is very reassuring - it seems the virus only crosses the placenta in rare occasions and even then the babies have been born perfectly healthy. Pregnant women don’t seem more at risk than non-pregnant peers although risks of being hospitalised with Covid do go up marginally in the third trimester - but again vast majority have favourable outcomes. Having a high temp (for any reason) in the first trimester isn’t ideal but paracetamol and folic acid seem to mitigate those risks.

Anyway had we decided to wait to TTC at the start of the pandemic I now would now definitely be getting on with it. But I’m nearly 36 and not prepared to wait several years (Covid isn’t going anywhere) to try for our second. Harder on first time mums but the support is still out there :)

I'm pregnant with our first after years of infertility with a surprise miracle. We found out two weeks into the lockdown.

I couldn't be more delighted, and we went for a scan today so DH could be there, and it was lovely. I think if you're having a child for the right reasons, ie you both want to have a child together and raise it as well as you can, then some of the incidental stuff is a bit of a red herring. There's a high likelihood DH would have missed the two NHS scans anyway due to work travel if we weren't in a pandemic for example. If you feel secure and comfortable and want to have a baby, I personally wouldn't see the pandemic as a reason not to.

Thank you ladies! Have literally put my mind at ease so much! I understand what some are saying about the risks etc but then like others are saying we can't really put our whole lives on hold! I think I'm going to wait until I have my appointment to get coil out in November and just try from then x

@TheAquaticDuchess my trust aren’t - it’s one of the biggest specialist hospitals in the area with 10000 women on books at any one time. So that is a lot of us all scanning alone. Understandable obviously, but def not true ‘most’ trusts are now letting partners in, sadly.

I had a MC in May requiring a D&C and now luckily pregnant again. If it sticks it will be DC 4. Covid will be here for a long time, there are many ways to live safety and still have a normal-ish life.

Also as we live abroad, have little support and DH generally cannot get away from work, I always go to appointments alone.

Does anyone know what the precautions are now when it comes down to being in labour etc? Like what's the new rules? x

It varies trust to trust. My hospital is still only allowing one birthing partner, during active labour, and is practising discharge within 6 hours post birth for all low risk women and babies. They have reinstated water births and home births for the time being though.

We got married last year and had been trying and tracking ovulation etc but once lockdown happened we just sort of stopped tracking it and thought what will be will be, obviously we were still trying as I am now 12+1 and will be a FTM.

I've had a few appointments so far, booking in was over the phone and bloods were taken the week before. I have my scan next week and my husband isn't allowed to attend but our hospital says he can come to the 20 week scan.

I was asked to return to work, after working from home since March, starting from Monday so I had to tell my employers early because it is unknown the impact COVID will have on pregnancy. I've been in work all week and it seems fine, I don't feel anxious but I guess it depends on what you do.

Things are constantly changing with restrictions so by the time you fall pregnant and get to the milestones the rules may be more relaxed or more restrictive - it's hard to put your life on hold as nobody knows when or if things will return to normal.

Ok thank you! I'll have a little look more into it. Just out of curiosity I don't know if anyone has been on the copper coil before? I don't know what it's like once you've had it removed with falling pregnant?...I had depo years ago and it took 2 years to fall pregnant when I came off..I don't know whether to get my coil removed as i suffer with problems with it anyway