Unplanned pregnancy - are we honest with friends?

[seethebeauty84]

I'm accidentally pregnant (contraception fail) and want to be able to tell my friends this is the case (as opposed to it being planned) as I feel like I need their support and also just hate the idea of lying to them. It's a blessing I know but I am a bit freaked out as, if all goes ok, we would have 3 very young kids. My partner wants to pretend it was planned as he hates the idea of the kid finding out one day and feeling unwanted. I don't think they would care as long as they are loved, which they absolutely would be - plus they are unplanned but not unwanted (we wanted 3, just not yet!). Thoughts please? Please be kind!

Do I care if I was planned or an accident? Nope

Also You don’t have to have an unplanned pregnancy to feel anxious or ill prepared- so many people who have tried for kids for years feel that way when it happens. If you have to say anything to your friends just say “happened sooner than we expected”

But then you’d be lying to your child when they’re older which I think would be more hurtful and make them think that you’re trying to cover not wanting them. I think be honest.

Terrible terrible idea, sorry.

I have one unplanned sibling - my mother confided in her best friend that this was an unplanned pregnancy, the friend ten years later was talking about my family with her husband and mentioned that my sibling had been a shock, was overheard by one of her children who then told all of the children on our street, including my sibling.

My sibling found it very very upsetting and it damaged their relationship with my parents. They went through quite a difficult patch emotionally. Our parents are now elderly and this sibling has said outright that they won’t be helping with any kind of elderly care as they were never wanted anyway.

You cannot guarantee that your friends would keep the secret, and you cannot know how your child would react.

I would never tell anybody that a child was unplanned.

How strange, I was unplanned- my parents both got made redundant from the same company on the same day, mum got drunk, forgot to take her pill, boom- twins.

Always known I was loved and wanted, even if not planned.

My baby wasn't planned, but DP and I very much want it. We've had a few people ask if it was planned and we've been honest and said no, just a very welcome and happy accident.

Thanks... I find it surprising someone could be devastated about arriving 6 months or so early though? We did want a third, we were just going to start trying in 6 months... So it's not like they're unwanted at all. I just can't imagine that I would be at all bothered if I found out that about myself.

Why are you framing this as an "accident?" I say it's merely a surprise. As for your friends, who cares what they think? It's none of their business.

Yes I guess not a proper accident as we wanted another child at some point, but was a contraception fail! I don't care at all what my friends think, it's whether the kid would be upset if they ever found out they were a surprise / accident or whatever we're calling it. I think they wouldn't care, my husband thinks they would and so we should lie and pretend it was all planned.

I was a "pleasant surprise", it's never bothered me

My son was a total surprise and it has never bothered him because it was a very happy surprise. Your husband is being ridiculous.

Just say that you've always wanted a 3rd if anyone asks.

I wouldn’t overthink it too much. I know I’m the result of a pill failure or a happy accident as my mum used to joke. I’ve also got a cousin who was born after a failed sterilisation. If the child is secure in the knowledge of your love for them, then knowing they were an unplanned pregnancy won’t be an issue. It’s those who are treated like a mistake who will find it damaging.

My dad likes telling a story about my mum being told she couldn’t have kids.. the 1st baby they had was a miracle.. the 2nd baby another miracle.. and when I came along they were sick of miracles. All told in a jokey way, and I like the story. Unplanned doesn’t mean unloved. Congratulations on your pregnancy xx

My fourth child was unplanned, conceived with the IUD insitu. I didn't want another child, I felt our family was complete, and for a few weeks, I felt upset and unhappy, and I was deeply worried at how I would cope with 4 children under 5 . I was nervous telling people, because I'd been vocal about how I wasn't having any more children. But there is no way on earth I would have done anything to end the pregnancy.

She's an absolutely delight, has been since the moment she made her entrance into the world and she - and her brothers and sister - know she defied contraception to be here. She's proud of the fact! Oh and 4 children under 5 was no more difficult than 3 children under 4.

I was unplanned and have always known it . I’m not bothered in the slightest . My parents were recently married and weren’t planning on kids right away . And then I happened . A lot of pregnancies are unplanned . I don’t see the big deal about telling people that at all ! Congratulations!!!

Another ‘surprise’ baby here (DM got drunk at a family christening apparently). Doesn’t bother me at all. I know I’ve always been loved. Loads of people know that DS was conceived in Mexico after a visit to some fertility ruins and a few too many daiquiris. Everyone knows I wanted a dog! It’s just a funny story though, I’m sure it’s not going to do him any harm. He’s so loved and wanted by the whole extended family.

The only person I felt uncomfortable telling about our happy little accident was a friend who has been going through fertility issues for years. I was a lot more sensitive and cautious about how I told her.

Unplanned doesn't mean unwanted and unloved.

I wouldn't lie to your children or your friends.

Thank you all so much. This has been very helpful and reassuring!

I dont think you owe an explanation to anyone. Planned or not you have said you want the baby and they will be very loved so anything else just doesn't really matter.
If you want to tell people the pregnancy happened sooner than planned and your child finds out I dont think they should mind :) I was unplanned and my relationship with my parents is great!
Good luck with your pregnancy x