Worries of becoming a FTM

[Chicken123]

Just that really.
I’m only so very early still but all day today I’ve been worrying myself...
Will I even be a good mum? How will I know what to do? I’m scared of the birth and how much it’ll hurt and how it’ll go. But most of all, I’m scared of being judged like...if I’m out and my baby starts crying I’m worried people will be thinking that I can’t cope as a mum or I can’t even settle my own baby.
I know it’s silly because my little baby is only the size of a smartie...but I’m just terrified of getting it wrong.
Also, that my relationship will be different too with my fiancé. Will he love me the same.
Even writing this makes me want to cry. I’m just emotional x

Sorry that I can't give much advice OP. Just know you aren't alone. I'm 28 weeks pregnant with first baby and I have constant anxiety about my little man. Just remember, some babies grow up in awful places with no healthcare and live to be 100. You and your baby will be fine and your worries only show that you will be a great mum. Baby will have everything they need. X

I had these same worries. I think most of us do.

You and your baby will both be new to this. They've not done it before either.

So don't go comparing yourself to other mums because you're the only mum for your baby and the best one.

I didn't venture far for the first few weeks as I wasn't very confident and breastfeeding was a faff.

But once you do just do what you feel comfortable with. You can head back home any time.

You'll soon learn if your baby like the pram/car etc.

First couple of months I always had DH/my mum/a friend with me just for moral support but then you get into more a groove with it once they're not so tiny.

And normal people won't judge a crying baby. That's what babies do. X

Start now maybe scoping out where in town is a nice place to sit and which toilets have nice changing/feeding areas etc. Then you can be a little more confident in advance.

Perinatal hormone changes can make women very vulnerable to increased anxiety. I really advise you discuss your worries with your midwife so she can reassure you as well as keep an eye on you during your journey, in case you need any mental health support.

@CarrieFour @bedjolly

Thank you both for your supportive comments, honestly this whole thing so far has been so emotional; so up and down and it hasn’t even been that long.
I get anxiety from the unknown and not being in control in daily life anyway and this is a massive journey into the unknown. I’m also scared of losing myself. But we both have such supportive families and friends I know we will be fine, I just can’t stop overthinking and worrying x

Thank you @Dontiknowit
I will definitely speak to her x

I'm not a mum yet so my knowledge is pretty lacking but I do know the following:

• Bad mums don't care enough to worry if they are a bad mum
• Your baby will cry in public more than once and you will feel judged at least once, everybody goes through it and most people who have met babies before will understand and sympathise. It is normal!
• The thought of childbirth is bloody terrifying, it's ok to admit that you're terrified, I am too but you can take lots of drugs and your body will release lots of hormones to make you forget how bad it was after it's done.
• Your relationship will be different. There will be sleep deprived arguments about who put the bread in the dishwasher. There will also be moments where you look at your fiance holding your baby and feel overwhelmed with love and happiness.

Pregnant with my second so here's my hot take.
No one knows what they are doing. Babies are funny little things and they change so much in that first year that half the struggle is keeping up with them.

Your baby will cry, maybe someone will look or tut but most people won't. Most people will have congratulations or come to coo over your baby, people will open doors for your buggy and hold lifts and help you get your coffee and baby to a table in a coffee shop. That said, work on your best "fuck off" stare now. You'll need it for when you've got a 2yo sat on the floor screaming in ASDA (this was me today).

Childbirth hurts.

Best tip for your relationship is to work on communication and don't be afraid to say "I need you to do xxx to make this easier for me" - it could be anything from making you a sandwich the night before to taking the baby out for a walk every weekend afternoon so you can sleep.

These are totally normal worries and I was the same. I was wasting my time though.
You will surprise yourself at how quickly you adapt to being a mum.

@Tarantallegra
@Footlooseandfancy
@Dogsgowoofwoof
Just woken up and feeling less like I’m having a heart attack and more excited and especially after reading your replies.
Thank you for those!
All I keep reminding myself is “If ........ can do it, so can i!”
X