Mother-in-Laws: How to deal with them?

[FTM2B]

I used to get on quite well with my MIL, but as the years have progressed and my relationship with my husband has progressed from dating to marriage, my MIL has changed - and not in the best of ways.

We have not yet told her we are expecting a baby and I am dreading the day we do as I know at that point our pregnancy will no longer be about us becoming parents for the first time, but about her becoming a granny.

I have created this thread so we all have a safe place to offload our MIL stories and to provide some advice to others who may need some help setting grandparent boundaries.

Hey thought I’d join as I struggle with MIL as although nice, she can be overbearing and very much seems to be about her becoming granny rather than me becoming a mum for the first time. It’s also a tricky relationship as lost my own mum when i was young. Congratulations by the way. How far along are you? I’m 26 weeks x

How to deal with them? In the same way that you would deal with your mother. They're an individual before they are a mother in law, and they're your partner's mother.

I think @PimlicoJo is right, once I thought of things like, what would I do if my own mum did this, would it bother me so much? I found that things improved. It’s good if she’s excited to be a granny - it shouldn’t be a bad thing or something that reduces your excitement.

I know it’s not easy and pregnancy hormones made me pretty intolerant of my in laws to be honest but since I’ve had DD and seen the love she has for my child I’ve warmed to her again. Give her a chance she might surprise you x

It's your baby, she won't be able to take over, assuming you don't live together. She won't be with you all the time. Let her be excited about being a granny. She won't be the baby's mum, you will. Good luck with your pregnancy, I hope it all goes well.

Once your baby is here you’ll be grateful of any extra support however annoying you find the person it comes from.

Funny how there’s another thread running about how grandparents don’t do enough to help out.

Do not give her a key to your house.

Learn to say No, Thank You, firmly, right from the start.

Also to smile sweetly, nod and then discard any out-dated advice, without guilt.

Finally to accept that she is your child's granny, and a good relationship should be fostered if at all possible.

Of course it won't be all about her being granny. It will also be about you all and the future. Try and share some of that excitement as you're lucky to have interest and support, I didn't have any of that from my parents or in laws. They largely ignore my children and have never offered childcare. I'd have loved some family interest in my children.

I think Im going to stress mine out, we have put an offer in on a new house and baby is due two months before our re arranged wedding due to covid. She already annoys me with wedding plans and have bought so much crap that I wont use 🙈 Nobody will be expecting us announcing a babys arrival. She is already a granny to my brother in laws daughters, when they announced their pregnancy she went off on one saying it wasnt fair and that she was too young to be a gran and they weren't ready- so Im also half expecting this sort of reaction. But I agree with what others have said re taking up any help offers and just dismiss any out dated advice.

I think the most important thing is to set boundaries while pregnant and push back if they overstep otherwise in the vulnerable post birth days things can happen that you don’t feel strong enough to argue about or aren’t quite sure what to do about.