Pregnancy worries

[Peggy2020]

Hi all, new here

I just wondered if anybody else struggled with coming to terms with being pregnant when they first found out?

My partner and I have always said we want children and were excited for them in the future. We are in the middle of selling our house to buy a bigger place that has an annex for my elderly (ish) parents so that they could be close by, which is so far stressful! We discussed last month that we would get the house move out of the way, get settled in and then start trying for a baby.

My period usually comes like clockwork and didn't turn up last week when I expected it to. I did two pregnancy tests yesterday which both said positive! To say I was shocked is an understatement. My partner is so excited and over the moon.

I'm worrying and thinking about every possible thing that could go wrong. From worrying about if the pregnancy will be ectopic to worrying that the baby won't be healthy. That it would be too much stress with the house move. To panicking that it isn't the right time for us as we were thinking next year. We are not bad off financially but now I'm panicking the mortgage on the new house may be a stretch if I'm on maternity pay. I'm 28 and my partner is 31 and I've even questioned that we aren't old enough (which I know is totally ridiculous) but I just can't seem to think logically. Also worried about how my work will take it, i'm in a senior management position and would be unable to fulfil the role part time after baby arrived.

I just feel horrendously guilty for even doubting this pregnancy and for not sharing my partners excitement as I do want to but can't stop all of these worries!

Then to add to my worries I called my GP and they said I needed to self refer to the midwife. I've tried the number they gave me and was unable to get through just got directed to an online form which I've completed but it said they would write to me after 8 weeks. Ideally I wanted to speak to somebody incase I needed to change anything in my diet immediately.

Sorry for the ramble and congratulations if you made it this far! I guess I just feel completed uneducated, unprepared and out of control.

Has anybody else felt like this and it all been fine?

Don't panic! Congratulations! I'm sure you can sit down and work out finances and come up with a plan, you have 9 months to save what you can. You may also be entitled to some universal credit while off depending on your DH's income? Work will have to accept it, you can put in a flexible working request for when you go back, but if it doesnt meet business need they can say no. I work full time still, with 2 already and will do with 3, just look into childcare options so you can be prepared.

You can get all the info you need about diet here:

www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/foods-to-avoid-pregnant/

Make sure start taking folic acid ASAP if not already and Vitamin D, or you can get a pregnancy multi-vitamin that will have them in already.

Its very normal not to hear from a midwife until 8 weeks, and even after that in our area any concerns we are told to speak to GP up to 20 weeks.

Good luck! you'll be fine :-)

Thank you so much for the advice! I will be sure to get the vitamins later today! I tend to be an over thinker anyway so no surprise I'm sending myself loopy over this I also forgot to add that I'm a bridesmaid for my friend in March so also feeling guilty that my dress won't fit anymore!

Hi Peggy

I think I'm now in my 11th week, and read your post as if I had written it myself.... Not the house sale, but the job situation, and we had exciting plans for the rest of this year and planned to maybe start trying next year.

But low and behold; Its happened.

My partner is thrilled; but I cant get excited. I had loads of things to look forward to ~(lockdown dependent of course), and believe me; I LOVE my wine.

But now everything is kind of on hold. I had a phone conversation with a midwife at 8 weeks which felt very impersonal, and then a very quick appointment to take my bloods. I feel like I have no one to talk to about it, as I don't want to tell family yet, and I worry how others will judge me.

This is the first time I've ever been on this site; and I don't know how judgmental people are. I don't know if there is a way to private message?

Trust me, you aren't alone. I thought I was; so thank you for your post.

@Emily5537

Hi Peggy

I think I'm now in my 11th week, and read your post as if I had written it myself.... Not the house sale, but the job situation, and we had exciting plans for the rest of this year and planned to maybe start trying next year.

But low and behold; Its happened.

My partner is thrilled; but I cant get excited. I had loads of things to look forward to ~(lockdown dependent of course), and believe me; I LOVE my wine.

But now everything is kind of on hold. I had a phone conversation with a midwife at 8 weeks which felt very impersonal, and then a very quick appointment to take my bloods. I feel like I have no one to talk to about it, as I don't want to tell family yet, and I worry how others will judge me.

This is the first time I've ever been on this site; and I don't know how judgmental people are. I don't know if there is a way to private message?

Trust me, you aren't alone. I thought I was; so thank you for your post.

Hi Emily, I've tried to send you a direct message but not sure if it will have worked 😊 thanks for replying it's good to know that I'm not the only person feeling this way! Whenever colleagues or friends have been pregnant they have been over the moon and excited without a care in the world so I just felt as though there was something wrong with me!

I'm not sure if I can re-assure you but I feel the same way. My GP won't speak to me or refer me until 8 weeks so I feel completely alone and worried about everything. Initially I was elated but now I can't stop thinking about everything that can go wrong and how I would even know with no-one checking anything. I feel scared to tell anyone I'm pregnant in case something goes wrong.

I think it must be normal though to feel like this at first, I'm sure once we get to the scans and can actually see the bean we will be able to relax and enjoy it a bit.

As for life plans going out the window, I'm getting married on Saturday so I'm a bit sad that I won't be able to drink (I'll still have a cheeky bucks fizz to toast as that amount won't be harmful). I had a bit of a cry cancelling our plans for a dream honeymoon as it's been my dream for years.

Ultimately this is good news but I don't feel like it will sink in until the scan.

@Tarantallegra

I'm not sure if I can re-assure you but I feel the same way. My GP won't speak to me or refer me until 8 weeks so I feel completely alone and worried about everything. Initially I was elated but now I can't stop thinking about everything that can go wrong and how I would even know with no-one checking anything. I feel scared to tell anyone I'm pregnant in case something goes wrong.

I think it must be normal though to feel like this at first, I'm sure once we get to the scans and can actually see the bean we will be able to relax and enjoy it a bit.

As for life plans going out the window, I'm getting married on Saturday so I'm a bit sad that I won't be able to drink (I'll still have a cheeky bucks fizz to toast as that amount won't be harmful). I had a bit of a cry cancelling our plans for a dream honeymoon as it's been my dream for years.

Ultimately this is good news but I don't feel like it will sink in until the scan.

Thanks for replying! Congratulations on getting married! That's so exciting!

I'm glad I'm not the only one worrying about every possible thing that can go wrong and I agree, I feel that until the first scan I'll find it difficult to get excited.

I wish so much that I could be as carefree and excited as my partner, he never seems to worry about anything until it happens but I can't switch off!