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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Just found out I'm having a boy...

19 replies

MumMrs85 · 01/08/2020 08:40

... And after some initial shock (as we were convinced it was another girl) we are over the moon to have a healthy boy on the way.

However we told our 2.6yr DD and she is distraught! She keeps crying if we mention a brother and says "No, baby is a girl".
We have tried talking about the little boys at nursery she plays with but she says no, and lists all her friends that are girls. She gets really upset so we have stopped talking to her about it except referring to the baby as a He and him.

Has anyone dealt with similar? I'm not quite sure how to tackle this without upsetting her further?

Thanks x

OP posts:

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GoshHashana · 01/08/2020 08:46

She'll get used to it!

Congrats on your boy.

Thanks

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FriendsCallMeValerie · 01/08/2020 08:50

I haven’t personally dealt with it but I was the disappointing sister

My sister, very similar age gap, was convinced I was a boy, so much so she even gave me her best boy name, whilst DM was pregnant with me. Our parents didn’t find out I was a girl until I was born DM says DS was very disappointed for about 2 weeks but then became besotted with me. (The girl version of the boy name is my middle name - think Joseph/Joanne, Harry/Harriet)

Kids are quite fickle, once the new baby gets here she won’t be bothered that he’s a boy for too long. I would just keep referring to the baby as he and him as you go along so she gets used to the idea.

A friends DD didn’t want a sibling AT ALL and now won’t go anywhere without checking her baby brother is either going with her or being looked after by someone she deems suitable, it’s very sweet.

Congrats on the baby boy!

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SqidgeBum · 01/08/2020 08:50

Just leave her to it. You cant change the gender or make it better for her. I would still talk about the baby though. You cant pretend it's not there just because she wanted a sister. She will soon get used to it and it will be something you will laugh about in 10 years time.

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mdh2020 · 01/08/2020 08:51

I can only say that your daughter is little more than a baby herself and will get over this. Perhaps you could buy her a baby doll such as Baby Annabelle that she can think of as a ‘sister’. If she was older I would put you in touch with my daughter who only ever wanted a brother, not a sister (she got one). She is now nearly 50 and still says she has never missed having a sister.

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missyB1 · 01/08/2020 08:55

Don’t feed the drama just Ignore it. She will be delighted to have a baby in the house, she won’t care about him being a boy. She’s just a baby herself still she doesn’t really understand.

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FedUpAtHomeTroels · 01/08/2020 09:02

She'll get used to it. Maybe she can pick a toy or outfit for him.
I was convnced I was having a girl, but it was a boy. Ds wanted it to be a puppy.

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FelicityPike · 01/08/2020 09:03

I would leave her alone. She’s only little.

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IKEA888 · 01/08/2020 09:05

don't make a fuss or mention it directly to her at all.

Thanks

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MumMrs85 · 01/08/2020 09:25

Thanks for all the advice and reassuring experiences, I'm sure if she had the choice a puppy would definitely be the number one option!

She is only tiny herself, so am going to leave any more direct conversations about it and enjoy the remaining few months of relative peace!

OP posts:

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SteelyPanther · 01/08/2020 09:27

Don’t push it, and don’t be overly excited in front of her when telling others. She may think you prefer boys, kids can think all sorts of strange things.
She will get used to it in her own time.

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NoGinNotComingIn · 01/08/2020 09:34

Just ignore it and stop whipping things up talking about it. Once a baby is here and it’s here to stay she’ll get over it. I’m pregnant with our third child and we have a 4 year old girl and a 2 year old boy. They don’t actually know I’m pregnant yet as we won’t tell them until past 20 weeks but our daughter wants a sister and our son wants a brother. We never find out the sex until the birth anyway so there’s no getting them worked up over it. Someone is going to be disappointed but by the time we tell them there’ll be a baby. We just laugh about it. I’d just stop going on about it to her, once the baby is here she’ll have forgotten.

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Happymum12345 · 01/08/2020 09:36

Watch a lot of Peppa Pig. She’ll end up wanting to call her little brother George!

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Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 01/08/2020 09:37

Does she know it's a baby and not a toddler? My nephew was very put out that another boy was arriving and refused to meet him until he realised the little white blob in the blanket in my arms was the boy. He was 2.5 as well. When my second was born I showed my 2.5 year old loads of videos of him as a newborn so he'd understand the baby would be able to walk or talk or crawl or play or have teeth or hair or anything. People kept saying he'd have a brother to play with so I wanted to manage expectations a little bit. I think kids associate boy/girl with older children and babies are sexless gender less yokes that appear.

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angelopal · 01/08/2020 09:40

My DD was devastated that she got a brother not a sister. We didn't find out so she only found out on the day he was born. Once she met him it was fine and she really loves him now.

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3ormorecharacters · 01/08/2020 11:30

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov I think that's a really good point. The girl listing friends from Nursery suggests that a child that age is what she's imagining. We often make big assumptions about what children that age understand!

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userabcname · 01/08/2020 11:43

Bless, I doubt she really understands. Ds2 was born when ds1 was 2y4m and ds1 kept asking when ds2's mummy was going to come and take him home! Ds2 is 9mo now and I think ds1 has finally realised that he's here to stay.

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ImaWomAnnotaWomEn · 01/08/2020 13:18

Agree, don't make too much of a about it, your dd won't remember this conversation unless you make it a big thing.

Congrats on your new baby.

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ImaWomAnnotaWomEn · 01/08/2020 13:19

A thing

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crazychemist · 01/08/2020 19:12

Have you picked out a name yet? I know lots of people like to keep it a secret until the birth, but our DD (3, will be 4 by birth) was distraught to hear she was getting brothers instead of sisters UNTIL we told her the names, and she instantly stopped crying. She just completely accepted it, as if it were somehow up for negotiation when they were abstract, but as soon as they had names it was a done deal. She’s decided the names she’d picked out (oh yes, she had names chosen!) will be for her children.

If you don’t want to go down that route, I’d just suggest making no fuss about it, but just continue saying “he” when you mention the baby. It’ll take her time to accept it, you should give her that time. Think how many mums to be post on her about being disappointed when they find out the sex, and they are adults that know how to deal with difficult emotions and express themselves. Eventually she’ll come to love her baby brother for who he is, but she needs time to get over the imaginary sister that she feels she has lost.