Mixed feelings about pregnancy

[Amelia49]

I just found out 4 days ago that I’m pregnant and I thought I would be happy but I’m the complete opposite. All I’ve done is cry, feel sorry for myself and dread every stage of it. I honestly wish there was a button I could press to not be pregnant, and I know that sounds awful especially to anyone who is desperate to have a child and I truly never expected to feel this way.
I’m 28 years old and have a good job, partner on the other hand was made redundant due to COVID-19 and has struggled to find a good paying full time job since so that’s worrying me. It’s also 3 of my best friends weddings next year, one I’m a bridesmaid in and I know I won’t be able to make their hen do’s as they are all around my estimated due date. I just feel so overwhelmed and like my life has been turned upside down, one minute I feel like I’m getting my head around having a baby and then a dark cloud comes over me and all I want to do is lie in bed and cry. My partner doesn’t know how to handle my moods right now (neither do I, I feel like I’m going insane) I think he feels the same as me and isn’t overly thrilled. We had a termination about 4 years ago, I just don’t think I could go through that again. It’s the mental pain that affected me mostly afterwards and I just don’t think I could cope with the guilt of having a second one, I don’t regret my termination as it was 100% the right decision with the situation we were in at the time but that doesn’t mean it didn’t absolutely break my heart at the same time. Also, I’m scared my relationship will change. We have just bought a new house last month and I’m scared the pressure of money issues and me being emotionally all over the place right now is going to put soo much strain on us. Is it normal to feel this way and does it ever go away? I haven’t told anyone about my pregnancy yet so just looking for some advice from anyone that has been in this position.

It is normal to have mixed feelings in the early days your hormones go haywire and it is common to get more emotional etc. That is before factoring in the current situation!!

It's only 4 days since you found out and with a house move and your partners redundancy that is a lot of change in a short space of time. Take a few more days to let the news sink in, the logistics and weddings etc can be dealt with later. Be kind and gentle with yourself.

@Amelia49 I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Agree with PP- be kind to yourself. I think every woman is different and I would imagine no matter the circumstances, they will have some (huge) doubts and fears and worries and questions about how much life will change, it's totally 100% natural and normal. Your situation is unique and so are your feelings about it, but it's totally fine to be unsure. Anyway, you can only feel what you feel, whether it's the same as what other women feel or not.

Work through your feelings with your partner and by yourself. Let go of any guilt and shame either way. You made the right decision in the past for all of you- it wasn't easy, but you were brave and you did it and you are secure in your decision, which is amazing. Very few women will find that choice or the aftermath totally easy, even though it is the right choice for them. Try not to link that too much to this situation though, except to know that you will make the right decision again here, either way.

Give yourself a bit more time. You are in super, super early days and there's no rush. There is nothing wrong at all with working through pros and cons, thinking about your future and where you want to be, and what works for you. Ultimately, it's only your decision to make. It's also OK to discount all pros and cons and go with your heart and what you want deep down. And don't feel guilty about these doubts!