Pregnant but unsure if wanted

[Emum271]

I’m 6 weeks pregnant with my second child. My first child is 9 years old now, with a different partner - been together 2.5 years and very happy.
This pregnancy was somewhat unplanned, we had decided we wanted one but some time next year maybe due to planning on buying house first.
When I first did the test I want sure what I thought about it, I kind of had no reaction. Discussed with other half and we decided we would both like to keep it.
Other half is really excited etc but I’m now not sure.
Problem is that I just can’t put my finger on why.. I think that my past experience with my first child has made me worried that this would be a repeat. I had my first at 17 and was separated from family and in abusive relationship. So I’m finding it hard to separate that experience from what this would potentially be like with this one.
If I think about it rationally I know it wouldn’t be the same, but I’m finding it had to get excited about it and I just don’t know if it’s what I want. I get fleeting moments of excitement but generally just worried that it would... to put it short, ruin the happy life we have now!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[ChatWithMe]

Hi Emum271. You'll see a midwife in a few weeks so maybe it's good to tell them about how you feel and see if any support groups or counseling available? It sounds like you have to work through these feelings and past trauma before the birth. Because your partner is happy about it and it's his child too I would assume it's best to keep it. Please talk to him about these feelings as it's a shared experience and maybe some understanding is all you need to move past these worries. Good luck x