Worried I won’t bond with my baby - advice please

[Aug122020]

Hello everyone,

I’m 37 weeks pregnant at the moment, and as my due date gets closer I’m really worried I won’t bond with my baby in the way I originally hoped.

Backstory, I have had bad health anxiety most of my adult life (I have just turned 27), and pregnancy has massively exacerbated this.

I was still so excited to meet my baba despite the anxiety, however in the last 4 weeks it has gotten so incredibly bad that I’m having multiple panic attacks a day, I’m not sleeping because I’m so scared I’ll not wake up, I can’t focus on anything positive as I’m so terrified something bad is going to happen to either me or baby and I’m constantly googling any little pains I have convinced I’m going to die or there’s something wrong with my baby.

I have been referred to the perinatal mental health team however due to covid and delays my appointment isn’t until 5th August and my due date is 12th August.

My doctor is reluctant to prescribe me the medication I was on prior to pregnancy as it can negatively affect the baby which i obviously don’t want, so I’m just feeling totally stuck :(

I feel really guilty for not being excited about his birth anymore. I obviously want this baby more than anything but I feel like i just can’t be excited because I’m so stressed. I don’t think covid has helped as my fiancé still can’t come to the hospital with me til I’m 4cm dilated and has to leave an hour after the birth. This is my first baby and I’m just finding things very overwhelming at the moment.

Has anyone else been the same? Did you manage okay when baby arrived? I think I’m struggling as I was so excited earlier in the pregnancy and now I feel like I can’t be.

And advice is appreciated x

Hi! I didn't want to read and run.
I'm at a similar stage to you (28 yrs, FTM due early August) and I had bad anxiety last year. What helped me the most during pregnancy was reading the Positive birth book by Milli Hill, it's fantastic and I'd highly recommend it. I've also done an online hypnobirthing course which you might find useful. When my anxiety was really bad I read a book called the Thrive Programme by Robert Kelly and also had private counselling, I don't know if this is an option for you but it did help me a lot. Please don't feel guilty for how you're feeling, it's really common to have lots of worries in pregnancy. But do try to get some support, it's great that you already have an appointment booked with the perinatal team, it sounds like you're really trying to get it under control so you're going to be a great mum! If you want to chat you can message me anytime. I hope things get better for you soon and congratulations on your pregnancy!

You need mental health help now and later because i was like that and had PND. you can get online or over the phone therapy. You could practice visualisation and meditation. Journalling your feelings might help.
What didnt help me is all the fucking gina ford books and advice, all the conpetitive nct parents and on social media.
Try to limit online time as it can fuck up mental health..i mean specifically dr google, social media including mumsnet and the other one.
Get your information from your GP or midwife, get as much help as you can from family/friends and dont be shy to ask. If you can get paid help, do it.
The bonding happens with time.. its BS fallibg inlove immediately in movies. Love grows with time.
And dont try to be supermum.

Ring your doctor and tell them you can't cope anymore. I have had to do this twice (pre-pregnancy) when fobbed off and told they don't have appointments and they managed to see me that day.

If you tell them you can't cope, which it sounds like you can't with the panic attacks, they have to help you.