Advice please! Pregnant with no 2

[MaRie92]

Hi,

I really struggled to breastfeed my first baby beyond a few feeds, I didn't really look into it and just assumed it would be easy, however I was worried that my DD wasn't getting enough milk and the midwife did not advise other wise apart from kept on squeezing my
Breasts, I feel terribly guilty for what happened even though she is 3 now, I feel
Like I failed her as a mother, I am now 35 weeks with my second and really anxious, if it works am I going to feel guilty about DD even more so?

Has anybody been in this situation?

It doesn’t sound like your mw was very supportive, so don’t blame yourself. Breast feeding is often not easy and not for everyone.

If you want to try with dc2, can you attend an nct class beforehand. They do a lot about breastfeeding and normally have advisors they can direct you to if you struggle.

If your dd is healthy and happy, I’d let it go. You can’t change the past but no reason why you shouldn’t enjoy feeding the new baby.

Hi,

I did not breastfeed DS1 but I did breastfeed DS2. I didn’t feel guilty for not breastfeeding DS1 but I do wish I had done as I’ve had a lovely experience with my second child. Just because breastfeeding didn’t go as planned, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. With my first child I just didn’t want to breastfeed I didn’t think it was for me so I didn’t even try and I don’t think my bottle fed son is any worse off than my breastfed son.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Ask for a lot of breastfeeding support at hospital and when you get home. Good luck!

Thanks for your reply ❤️

I feel like I should be so excited for the new baby but I'm just shattered with guilt over letting my beautiful daughter down the first time round, even though she is absolutely perfect. Is it normal to feel this guilty? I am thinking of getting professional help.

Thanks so much @Nov19

@Nov19

I think that is what I am worried about, having a different relationship with the new baby and feeling like I have somehow put my DD at a disadvantage. Am I thinking too much into it?

@MaRie92 I think thinking that is perfectly valid. I worried about the same thing but after having DS2 I realised I didn’t love them any differently but that was a worry I had just about having another baby in general. I kept thinking would I love one more than the other, and would my first child feel pushed out because he’s had nearly 4 years of me to himself etc. Perhaps some of your feelings aren’t breastfeeding related but maybe worries of having a second baby?

Once your baby is born and you’re home and settled you will probably realise you had absolutely nothing to worry about. Pregnancy brings all kinds of stresses and reasons to overthink, especially with breastfeeding as mums put so much pressure on themselves to get it right, sometimes you can’t and that’s ok, you’ll love them just the same

Just be glad if you can with your second born, I assume your first is healthy and happy.

Don't feel guilty, sometimes it works- sometimes it doesn't.

Do your research. I highly recommend harvesting colostrum which they do advise now too! Good luck.

@BabyG123

Yes she is healthy..surely that is all that matters! I can't believe how much I am struggling to get this into perspective x

@MaRie92 yup, breast feeding has loads of benefits when they're smaller like the immune system help (especially at times like this as I believe no one has been ill AT all in lock down so this winters going to have plenty of colds!)
But really they all grown the same! Give yourself a break 🥰

Hi there! I had a c-section with number two - and intended to breast feed. My milk did not come in for quite some time (about 2/3 days) and in the meantime I had a screaming baby, unhelpful midwives, and the hospital were not going to release me until breast feeding was established. It was hell and I literally had to demand that I was released. I took the little ready made feeding bottles into hospital and did a mix of formula/breast until my milk came in. When it did come in - I pumped away to make up for any I’d given formula wise. I ended up doing a mix of formula and breast until 6 months, which worked well for me (as I could give a bottle when I went out).

I didn’t realise that c section means it takes longer for milk to come in, and no one explained this to me!!! Would have been v helpful to know!

@Lickmylegs0 something to do with the unnatural release of hormone. This why I harvested colostrum- super lucky to have a amazing Midwife at the time who knew where I was headed birth wise so it
Got the flow going- Incase you have more

Thanks so much for all your lovely replies!

I believe the first couple of feeds are very important for babies too, should I feel reassured that she got that?

I think maybe because I'm pregnant everything seems so big and I just want to be the best mum I can be as I just love it so much ❤️

Yes - the golden stuff, the colostrum is in the first couple of feeds. But I found doing a combination of bottle/breast worked really well. He got ‘me’, but also got what he needed if he was hungry. I don’t think midwives would recommend doing both - as it can stop you producing sufficient milk, but I just did some extra pumping. I preferred to use a bottle when I was out. My DD was purely breast fed, but was much grouchier as a baby (probably because she was hungry) and she was MUCH harder to wean.

I think you need to try to relax about it all - maybe I'm being insensitive I'm sorry if I am as it's not intended. I didn't breastfeed either of my kids and it makes me sad when people say they felt guilty as i really think however you feed your kids those first few months are so special. Nothing should make you feel guilty about what you did first time or what you do next time. You have a beautiful three year old and another on the way this is an amazing time so try to control the 'guilt' and focus on the love.

@boomboom1234

I think that is just what I needed to hear, thank you 😊