Feel like a failure overdue

[LottaBean]

I'm 40+4 with my first baby. The pregnancy has been pretty text book to be honest, I struggled at the beginning with a lot of sickness but by 15 weeks that was over. I'm extremely upset however about going past my due date, I had a sweep yesterday and sort of expected something to happen overnight but nothing has, I've not had a show, a twinge, a single period cramp nothing :( I've spent 4 days crying on and off and I just don't understand why my body won't do what its supposed to. The midwife at my sweep said baby is 3/5ths in my pelvis, my cervix is soft and open enough for her to do the sweep but reading my notes today it says I'm only 25% effaced which felt like a punch in the gut. I have a scheduled induction for next Wednesday (29th) but I really didn't want to be induced and considering how badly I am coping with this how alone I'm going to be in the hospital (my partner cant come in until I'm in active labour due to covid rules). I don't know what to do about this or who to talk to, I feel like im getting set up for PPD already with how upset I am about this. Sorry this has been a bit of a ramble on.

My midwife told me that due dates are basically rubbish and we should be given a due month instead. My due date got put forward a week and that makes no sense at all in terms of conception dates, so I’m not taking it seriously in the slightest and am taking my original date as likely to be closer to what might actually happen, and even then I won’t be accepting any induction unless they tell me the baby is in distress. My midwife is totally fine with this.

You are NOT a failure. Have you had much MH support through pregnancy? Do you have a close support network? Please, ask for That support from your midwife, your partner, your friends, your GP- anyone! to help you with this anxiety and these worries about PPD. Take care of yourself x

@LottaBean I absolutely know what you mean, but you are your own person and you make your own decisions on how and when you birth your own child. Doctors are so quick to induce labour just because a lady hasn’t given birth by when they want them too. Make your own informed decision, don’t just go with what you’re told to do. I declined induction and baby cane naturally (who’d have thought?!) and my friend had her two at 40+13 and 40+16 - all completely normal, natural labours. All I’m saying is do what you want to do, not what your told. In any case, sounds like your body is gearing up anyway

Please remember that a due date is just an estimate of the baby's gestational age based on the measurements conducted by one sonographer at one scan, with a huge margin of error. Tiny differences in measurements can change your due date by days if not weeks. Although you've been told you were 'due' four days ago your baby and your body don't know that. Your body isn't failing you - as soon as your baby is ready to be born you'll go into labour. There's a strong chance you've been given a due date that was a little too early. Also bear in mind that you are 'full term' from 37-42 weeks and so you aren't truly 'overdue' until after 42 weeks, which is still 10 days away. It's perfectly natural to have not gone into labour by now.

If you don't want an induction then you don't have to have one, and you certainly don't have to have one before 42 weeks! There's no way I'll be accepting an induction before that date, because I want to give my body the entire 'full term period' to go into labour by itself. A lot can happen in 10 days!

You're body isn't failing, you have grown a human. Just keep an eye on your movements and remind yourself you did this.

Watch for those baby blues, there is potentially more of feeling like a failure to come, birth didn't go as planned, feeding/sleeping is a struggle etc All perfectly normal, just enjoy those cuddles with your baby, it's the best thing in the world.

old tales that are supposed to work:

• make pancakes. Crepes to be exact. Loads. Preferable at midnight and be really tired by 2am. (I'm not joking)
• go and find a staircase and climb 5-8 levels. Go steady and rest when needed.
• Schedule in something with friends and buy tickets for it (theater, concert) (okay, atm this might not be the best idea)
• repeat stairs and pancakes until needed.

I can vouch for the pancakes :) and at least hubby had loads to eat while I was in hospital

It is completely normal to be a bit batshit crazy at this stage of pregnancy! I was overdue, had 2 sweeps and an induction booked. Went into labour the day before the induction, I was 40+12. The reason for induction was my geriatric mother status (I was 35 ).

Labour was fine until dd decided to look where she was going and got stuck so she had to be evacuated through the sunroof! I beat myself up about that for a while and felt like I’d failed somehow. Of course it was all hormonal irrational thoughts and didn’t last long as I was bewitched by the beauty of this amazing human I had created (ex DP did have something to do with it of course).

My advice is lots of baths, sleep as much as you can, eat snacks often and try not to worry. The baby will come when they are ready.

If you haven't done already... look at the positive birthing company (hypnobirthing) I think it may help you massively. Its not too late to learn and watch the videos.. xx

38 to 42 weeks is the guide realky. Please do not stress! You have no control over this. You have a lifetime of being a parent ahead.. lots of guides and milestones on their way..if you feel like this before birth you are setting yourself up for much stress ahead. Roll with it.

You aren’t a failure. You are keeping your baby safe and they will come out when they are ready. I had my baby prematurely and she had to stay in hospital for nearly 3 weeks because my body kicked her out before she was ready. I felt like a failure.

40+16 with first born.
Ended up with emergency c-section and apparently the little bugger was clinging on to the walls of my uterus to avoid coming out! 14 years later and he is still a lazy so and so who loves curling up under a blanket.
Take a deep breath and just go with the flow, this is not something you can control at all.