Taking very short maternity leave?

[AmImadx]

Hi All, not sure if this is 100% the correct place for this so sorry if its not. I have recently been discussing TTC with DP and we would like to start maybe at the end of the year depending on the corona situation.
However one thing that has come up is me not being willing to give up work/a career. We are not in the UK and maternity leave here is 3 months however because of the way my employment/visa etc works I wouldn't be entitled to any paid maternity leave at all. Therefore the plan would be for me to take as little maternity leave as possible ideally only a month but maximum 3 months as any longer and i'd risk having my contract terminated.
I'm wondering if anyone has done this and if this plan is completely insane. I'm aware complications can happen and if this did occur and my job was lost financially we would manage, i'm more wondering how people cope with working to due date and returning quickly after birth

This is a bit of a minefield really - it depends so much on you and your personal approach to parenting vs. Financial need vs. Career priorities

I’m self employed so was back to work (of sorts) within about 6 weeks - but I kept my baby in the office with me (I work with my husband, we have our own biz) so I didn’t have to leave her and could go home if she was poorly etc.

We put her in childcare with her aunty for 3 days a week from about 4 months old. Obviously having a family member care is very different to finding a nursery you trust

I found quite a lot of YouTube videos of women In the USA describing how they managed to pump milk while at the office - many offices do seem to provide a private space, but some women had to go to the loos. Their commitment was so so impressive

It’s impossible to know what kind of delivery you’ll have - to stay on the safe side, I would personally want at least 6 weeks of no work at all, to account for recovery and bonding. Some people are still bleeding at 6 weeks though, you’re certainly not totally ‘over it’ by then

Are there other Ex-pat Working mums locally who can share what they did, and advise you?

Out of interest can I ask what country you’re in?

I would think really carefully about this; if you have a c section you’d still be recovering and even with a natural birth you’ll still be recovering physically. It’s also unlikely that you’ll be getting much sleep and emotionally it would be very difficult to leave your baby at that age.

It all depends on what your childcare options will be. I went back to work when DD was 3 months, but i work from home and DH was looking after her full time. I was able to keep breastfeeding and didnt need to be away from her. If I'd been going out to the office or she'd had to go to nursery, i would have taken longer.

I had 3 months maternity for both of mine (lived in the US at the time). I feel like I missed out on some of their babyhood and missed out on making friends with other mums at baby groups. Health wise I was fine but it was stressful as DS1 was born with a disability so lots of extra appointments which had to fit around full time work.

This depends on a lot of factors like childcare, feeding etc.

I had 10 weeks for DC1 and 2 years for DC3. Definitely preferred the last one. I regretted going back to work so quickly although I had no choice financially.

But if you have reliable childcare, good support and don't succumb to the pressure to be perfect at everything, it is ok.

You are still caring for your child even if it is by earning money to feed and clothe them.

Bear in mind that if you have a c section you're not even allowed to drive for 6 weeks

I'd say it's very much dependant on the prevailing customs, childcare provision and attitudes to working women in your current country.

Where everything is set up for women returning early to work, it's probably fine. If it's a country where women rarely work, and masses of extended family do the childcare if it is required, it will be much harder.

I would take a minimum of 6 weeks to be honest so you can recover properly. I was still sore at 6 weeks but could have just about coped at work. The sleep deprivation is something I wouldn’t underestimate though and I think I would have found it hard after a very short maternity leave.

In your shoes I would take the 3 months since it won’t affect your employment and you can afford it.

I would definitely take a full 6 weeks after birth. Obviously it's not ideal but in some countries you do have to go back alot earlier than hoped for

It is not insane, I did similar.
I took 12 weeks from my due date. All my DCs were a bit late, so I went back to work when they were 10-11wks old. I pumped breast milk. They went to a day care/nursery as my DH worked FT as well.
Yes I missed a lot of firsts, but honestly they don’t remember who changed their nappies all day or ooh and aaah over them napping while we were working.
Once they started school, DH and I had flexible working so one of us went in early, the other late.
You can do this.

It's some time ago now, but I went back to work when my kids were 12 weeks old, as at the time there was no extended maternity leave. I had pretty normal births and all was fine.
I did work with someone who went back to work when her baby was 2 weeks old, she was knackered but that also worked out ok for her.
However we both had very good childcare in place and very supportive partners.

I worked up to day before my csection date, then returned to work at 3 months BUT -

• I work for DH’s business so am cut a lot of slack for emergencies/flexible hours
• i only work 2 days a week
• we had a Part time nanny start for those 2 days before dd was born (to help me with school run during csection recovery) so baby was already familiar with her when left for the day
• i was mix feeding and lucky that dd would take both breast, bottles, expressed and formula. All these factors made it smooth transition for me, and i liked having adult time to myself in the office, but it could be very different Without these.

I worked in the US and had my first two kids over there. Most of us worked right up until the day we give birth (I finished work at 6pm and had my first at 3am the next morning!), lots of us had a nanny in the house (instead of creche) and there was a pumping room and a nurse on duty (it was a huge office). We lived a few blocks from the office so I was able to BF a lot. It was very career focused so it was just business as usual from the return to work although most of us with kids went home at 4 and worked remotely in the evening.

A lot of countries have crappy maternity leave policies so you'd probably be better off talking to other friends where you are who have been forced to go back quickly as well. Eg, I've worked with lots of American women in the past who have to be back within 4 months and, from memory, benefits and pay during those four months were bad or non-existent. They all seemed to cope because it was just normal. But didn't necessarily like it.

I think it is of course doable. Childcare etc is something you'd need to consider carefully. Agree with others that if you can take at least 6 weeks that will be better - gives you time to recover, and get into the swing of things a little. If you can afford the three months on offer, I'd aim for that.

But you need to assess how family friendly your work place is as well as the community you live in - eg is there sufficient (affordable) childcare, what happens with flexi time? If you're BF will there be somewhere to express when you return or do you need to be bottle fed almost exclusively by then etc.

I'm self employed but work from home, so although I won't have much of a break. I'll be juggling a baby and working from my home office.

Thanks for the responses definitely some things to give more thought to. The culture here is generally either women don't return to work at all until the children are older or there is huge extended families to provide childcare. I don't have anyone here to discuss it with as all the other expats I know are on expat packages with considerably better benefits. The only other immigrant I know who like me moved here for a DP and was employed as a standard employee resigned before the baby was due and is a sahm.
Regarding childcare we would employ a nanny and if really needed this could include help overnight. But obviously thinking about how I'd feel missing out on so much is something to consider. I'd been thinking more about the logistics of being recovered enough to return

OP, I'm self employed so was working practically from the day DD was born. I was in hospital with the world's longest induction and was still doing conference calls and emails! hahaha.

Admittedly, what made it bearable for me was a) I didn't have to work 9-5 b) I didn't have to go into an office and c) DH was around as a SAHD. But even with an emergency c section to contend with, I did go into my office from when DD was about 2 weeks old for a few hours at a time. It was doable.

But if you can take the 3 months, I would. It allows you to physically recover and feel more confident about what you expect from childcare in the form of a nanny. And if you can negotiate any kind of flexibility - eg shorter days/ weeks for a month or two, that might help a lot.