Can’t stop the anxiety

[TeaFanatic]

I found out I’m about 6 weeks pregnant last week. 4 years ago we had to have a TFMR due to incompatibility with life at around 23 weeks. I just CAN’T stop the anxiety. I’m terrified I’m going to miscarry, or that this baby will be poorly too. It’s making me sick and be unable to cope with my DC I do have. does anyone have any helpful advice? Is booking an early assurance scan worth it?

You poor thing x
I would 100% recommend an early private scan - it will put your mind at rest.
If you feel you need a scan every month - then do that, there are no rules :) x

Thank you for your kind words, we’ve been trying for over 3 & a half years but we’ve never got this far in a pregnancy. Just booked a scan for 2 weeks time. Fingers crossed it’s all okay!

I am so sorry for your loss. Have you spoken to your midwife? Would a Non-Invasive Prenatal Test help?

Yes an early scan will put your mind at ease.

It is only a temporary fix however and won't solve the anxiety issue for the duration of your pregnancy.
Unfortunately when you've been through what you've been through I think it does spoil subsequent pregnancies as you just can't help the worry.

What you must keep telling yourself is that it is very unlikely to happen again.

Congratulations on your wonderful news.

@helia I’ve spoken to the midwife and she’s not interested. She remembers me from 4 years ago but won’t book me in until 10 weeks. She also wouldn’t even discuss the extra appointments and scans I’m supposed to have with the fetal medicine unit. I get they don’t want to book in early incase of MC but it’s not easy when I’m so worried. The NIPT looks fab but it’s way out of our budget unfortunately

@lemorella thank you for your kind words. The rational part of my brain knows it’s not likely to happen again as it isn’t genetics related it was just one of those things but I couldn’t go through with it again, it almost killed me last time!

I had a tfmr last year and pregnant now. I don't have any advice, only can tell you how I feel. I kept feeling anxious till the 20 week scan. That went well so I feel less anxious in day-to-day life now but still keep a little part of my heart locked away in case something goes wrong again. I don't think it will totally pass till the baby is born but I consciously made the decision that it's worth it. Nobody is ever promissed a carefree pregnancy or birth, so I just lowered my expectations. It helps that because of Covid and vulnerabilities I don't see people, so don't have to pretend enthousiasm where I feel dread. It is what it is and I'm just counting down and hoping for the best.

@Isthisfinallyit I’m so sorry for what you went through I have around 14 weeks until my 20 week scan so a little while yet for that! Did anything make you feel better meanwhile? I had such a textbook first pregnancy that I was naive I suppose. I’m back at work soon and probably won’t be announcing until after the 20 week scan to make sure everything’s okay!

Hi, so glad I found your post. I'm in a similar position. I'm 9 weeks pregnant and have had 2 TMFRs in the last year. One for a heart condition that was incompatible with life and the baby had Down's syndrome and then unbelievably the next baby was diagnosed with Edwards syndrome. I'm really struggling this time as just can't believe it will be ok but I just try to repeat to myself that the most likely outcome is a healthy baby to drown out the negative thoughts. I also haven't told anyone except my Mum and best friend this time as I found people just want to say something to reassure you but it doesn't really help when they say I know it will be fine this time etc.

I generally find that the midwives and hospital staff aren't as sympathetic or empathetic as they perhaps should be. They deal with so many women and so many sad situations but your thoughts and worries are absolutely valid. If you get like the midwife was dismissive you could contact PALS and ask them to ensure you get the care that you need. I had to do that after my first loss and now have the contact details for a consultant and the secretary of the head consultant so I have just emailed her to book my scan this time and they will make sure the sonographer knows my history. Even though I got bad news at my last 12 week scan having the sonographer know I was nervous and understanding made a huge difference.

I hope that this helps and I am here if you ever want to chat.

Oh also just wanted to say I had an early scan at 8 weeks to try to help me, it is just a temporary fix but I found it helpful to divide into 4 weeks, so 8 weeks private, 12 weeks NHS, 16 weeks private (you can get this for around £50 especially if you don't want to know sex) and then the 20 week scan.

I have mixed feelings about NIPT. I had it with DS and was very reassuring. Couldn't afford it with second pregnancy and then had a CVS after scan anyway. Then my hospital offered it to me last time (probably as a result of my PALS complaint) and I had it at 10 weeks but it came back inconclusive. I've decided not to have it this time as if it came back inconclusive I would panic and assume something is very wrong again. I've had long chats with the head midwife at the fetal medicine centre and sadly there is no magic solution, just waiting

@Seahawk80 I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through and that the hospital weren’t supportive! I was promised to get extra scans and appointments with a consultant but when I said this to the midwife when booking my booking in appointment she said that it wouldn’t be necessary. I’m going to look through my old letters etc and try and find where she said it. I’ll definitely go through PALS if I need to, thanks so much.

I may do the same re scans, I think breaking it down into 4 week blocks would definitely help! I’m always here if you want to chat too, feel free to PM me any time

Thanks @TeaFanatic I'm mainly in denial about it at the moment but I know my anxiety is going to really ramp up in the next 3 weeks before the scan. I feel like the scanning building and the whole process are so triggering for me now. Also pretty sure I will have to go alone which doesn't help.

@Seahawk80 I have everything crossed that it goes well. I hope that by the time your scan comes around you will be allowed to have someone else in with you. I’m dreading that prospect too of going alone. I get why it needs to happen but it feels so unfair.