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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Telling SIL

23 replies

Lucylou22039 · 14/07/2020 20:53

Hello everyone

I'm 8 weeks pregnant with rainbow baby (we lost our first at 21 weeks a few months ago)

And it's coming up to the time to tell family and friends in the next few weeks

My SIL has been trying to conceive for around 6 years now and is on her last round of IVF.

I have no idea how to tell her at all that we have now got pregnant again :/ (not planned at all but very much happy and wanted baby)

I'm sure she will be happy for us but I don't know how to literally tell her

Do I just say or do I buy her a card or baby grow ect ?

If anyone could help at all it would be appreciated

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Evelefteden · 14/07/2020 20:57

Congratulations!

Why would you buy her a baby gro?

We had ivf and if some one would have bought me a card apologising they were pregnant I would’ve felt awful and patronised.

Get your partner to tell her. The world doesn’t stop because other people can’t conceive. We had to wait 18 years.

AdriannaP · 14/07/2020 20:59

Please do not buy her a babygrow!
I have been ttc for a long time, had a Mc and I struggle with pregnancy announcements. A card or whatsapp would be best, I struggle when people tell me in person or on skye.
Dont be offended if she cuts contact with you a bit, it’s probably really hard for her.

And please do not complain about how hard a pregnancy is or how you struggle with morning sickness (my friend did that to me and it wasn’t nice).

Congratulations and hope everything goes well.

AIMD · 14/07/2020 21:03

I think a text or something is a good idea so sure knows but doesn’t put her on the spot.

London91 · 14/07/2020 21:18

Definitely don't get her a baby gro. Tell her by text or by phone call so she has space to take the news in. She's probably going to be upset, so give her space and remember it's not anything to do with you but she's probably so caught up in her own sadness that it may feel personal. Don't complain about pregnancy related issues.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Original poster

Lucylou22039 · 14/07/2020 21:40

Thanks everyone

Sorry I didn't mean to offend anyone with the baby grow I just didn't know wether to make a fuss as it will be her first niece or nephew.

We all go on holiday together soon so I need to try break it as easily as possible.

My OH is jus my typical bloke and be like my soster will be fine what you worrying about but as a woman I know even if she's fine I know deep down she won't be. Well initiall anyways

OP posts:

SauvignonBlanketyBlank · 14/07/2020 21:43

You have been through an awful time yourself so as nice as it is that you don't want to upset sil I think you should mainly enjoy your pregnancy and put yourself first.

Original poster

Lucylou22039 · 14/07/2020 21:47

@SauvignonBlanketyBlank thank you ❤️ xx

OP posts:

UrsulaSings · 14/07/2020 22:58

I definitely wouldnt but her baby related items as it could just make it more painful that she wants to be buying those things for her own baby.

I would let her know on the phone or something so she doesnt have to hide her feelings. If you do it face to face it might be quite difficult for her if she feels upset to hide this. Then when she sees you again she will be prepared for it.

This is what I would have found useful.

GoshHashana · 14/07/2020 23:08

It's such a sensitive issue but I'm gobsmacked that you'd think giving her a babygro would be a good idea. It would break her heart! Get your DH to tell her over text.

BeMorePacific · 14/07/2020 23:24

So sorry for your loss. That must have been incredibly tough.
My sister has been trying for 12 years, and miscarried in December. I decided to tell her in a text, just so she didn’t have to react to my news. xx

NeverHadANickname · 14/07/2020 23:24

I'm sorry for your loss and congratulations on this pregnancy. I would tell her via text, give her time to process it. No need to apologise to her or make a huge fuss either way until you know she has dealt with your news. I'm sure she will be happy for you. I didn't have fertility issues but couldn't have a baby for a few years for various reasons and found it hard being told face to face someone was pregnant then having to smile when that was the one thing I wanted. It sounds selfish of me and I was obviously pleased for them but always preferred hearing by text first.

WhatKatyDidNxt · 14/07/2020 23:26

Another vote for text. I’m sure she doesn’t want to be told face to face, especially during a final cycle of IVF

LightDrizzle · 15/07/2020 00:03

Definitely a text.
Struggling to work out why you thought a babygro might be a good idea although it was obviously not ill-intentioned. I can’t really think of anything worse!

caringcarer · 15/07/2020 09:05

I miscarried at 16 weeks which is late for miscarriage and my sister got pregnant. She did not want to tell me as she thought I might be upset. In the end she only told family when she was 6 months as showing. Just tell Dil when you are 13 weeks. She will have time to get used to idea before baby born.

thetangleteaser · 15/07/2020 09:28

I think it’s lovely you’re being sensitive, I think maybe a text to allow her to process your news but after your devastating loss I’m sure she’ll be nothing but thrilled for you. Wishing you all the best😊

Original poster

Lucylou22039 · 15/07/2020 10:02

Gosh I'm really sorry to offend everyone with the baby grow but I meant a baby grow saying your going to be an auntie as I have done this for my sister and I didn't want to make it feel like I didn't care about SIL. I wanted to be fair as possible in the situation.

OP posts:

ClaraLane · 15/07/2020 10:28

We got PILs to tell SIL who had a MMC and it wasn’t taken well. It wouldn’t have been taken well coming from anyone so our hands were tied. She hasn’t acknowledged the pregnancy in the slightest and it’s led to a lot of bad feeling. Just be prepared for her to not be happy about it and for things to be awkward. Sorry that’s probably not what you want to hear but I just wanted to give another perspective.

AnnaSW1 · 15/07/2020 10:30

Just don't tell her face to face. So she has a chance to process it herself.

lauraannle · 15/07/2020 12:42

Congratulations op and I'm sorry for your loss.
We were in a similar situation. We asked MIL what to do and she told SIL. I'm not aware how that conversation went but it obviously gave SIL chance to process things without any pressure to act happy. We never really talked about the pregnancy but she was happy when baby came.

Everybodysaycheese · 15/07/2020 13:16

Agree with the others- absolutely no baby items in your announcement (a bit baffled by that idea) also please tell her by private text and give her time to come to terms with it. (Do not send her a baby scan picture or announce it via a group chat... I found both incredibly painful after a mc - I understand your SILs situation is different.)
Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Kelcat9494 · 15/07/2020 13:20

I was in a similar situation except my SIL hasn't been trying and doesn't want children but can't have children so I told her via text and she cut contact with me for a little bit, I just let her talk to me when she wants to and I don't really mention baby things to her.

AdriannaP · 15/07/2020 16:44

But she can’t have a baby right now, so what would she do with a babygrow? Weird idea

lightyearsahead · 15/07/2020 16:51

I would tell her via text. Tell her I want you to be the first to know and are giving her a heads up before you announce over the weekend.

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