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How can I tell people?

7 replies

Allfor1 · 14/07/2020 01:28

How do you tell family members you are pregnant who will not be happy.

Husband.... has made it clear he doesn't want anymore, we have 3 already. We have no money and are trying to save our money holidays etc are all expensive and complicated. Our house is not big enough as it is.

SIL and brother are due a baby in Dec don't want to steal their thunder.

Mum has scared the hell out of you having anymore saying she has had enough grandchildren, she loves them all but the family are pushing their luck with the number of healthy babies and unscathed mothers. She has specifically told you time and time again not to have any more. She will be absolutely furious.

I found out yesterday i'm very early on just 4.5 weeks, I'm petrified. I'm scared this will be the pregnancy where something goes wrong with the baby or me. I'm scared how we will manage to maintain a relationship, how we will manage money 😭 I feel so alone.

OP posts:
CoolNoMore · 14/07/2020 03:36

Tell your husband asap by saying 'I'm pregnant'.

Your Mum's opinion is irrelevant.

Your brother and SIL are not exactly going to have their thunder stolen if this is your fourth and you don't think anyone is going to get excited about it.

So, husband. Just tell him.

MooseBeTimeForSummer · 14/07/2020 03:38

And tell your husband to get a vasectomy if he doesn’t want any more children.

CoolNoMore · 14/07/2020 03:44

^ this.

CoalCraft · 14/07/2020 06:30

If you were to toss an unweighted coin 50 times and by chance, it came up tails every time, what's the chance of the next toss being heads?

The answer is 50/50, because the past does not affect the future in these sorts of things. I'm saying this to counteract your mother's argument that the family is "pushing its luck"; it doesn't make it any more likely that something bad will happen. In fact, unless you're of an advanced age or have been told by a medical professional that you shouldn't have more on health grounds, the fact that you've already had three healthy pregnancies is likely to be a good sign.

As for the rest, all you really have to do is tell your husband. Do it asap.

bee222 · 14/07/2020 07:48

It’s none of your mother’s business if you have another child. You don’t need to announce it to her. Just tell her when it’s obvious you are pregnant. If she has a problem with it then just let her seethe and ignore her. You are a grown woman and don’t need your mum’s approval.

The only person you need to tell is your husband.

stairgates · 14/07/2020 09:20

Dont worry about people influencing your familys decisions. Tell DH when your ready and decide what is best for you. Your mum is more than welcome to not get involved, how selfish of her to decide how many grandchildren she will allow to be born and is convenient to her. Get your head around it and then talk it through with DH, as PP's have sadi if its not right then a vasectomy will put it off the table :)

Allfor1 · 14/07/2020 09:35

In fact, unless you're of an advanced age or have been told by a medical professional that you shouldn't have more on health grounds

I am an advanced age as I'm in my late 30's. It's been 7yrs since my last DC, I think this is the reason I don't think anyone will be happy.

Thank you very much for everyone's advice. I just need to figure out how to break the news to my husband. The trouble is, once he knows, his mother knows, once his mother knows, everyone knows!

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