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Original poster

Husband feels left out

16 replies

IckleShields · 12/07/2020 19:46

With covid-19 and hospitals stopping partners coming to scans, my husband feels left out and unattached to our baby (I'm 15+3). He isn't excited and doesn't really acknowledge I'm pregnant. He doesn't want to hold my bump or talk much about the baby. Obviously I can't take him to scans and he can't have those first moments with me. How can I make him feel more included?

OP posts:
sel2223 · 12/07/2020 19:48

Could you pay for a private scan at 16/17 weeks and maybe find out the sex together?
We did that and i think it really helped OH visualise the baby and start to bond with her.

physicskate · 12/07/2020 19:49

It's said that women become mothers when they find out they're pregnant. Men become fathers when the baby arrives...

Original poster
IckleShields · 12/07/2020 20:01

That's a great idea! I just hope they will let us both in? Where did you get your private scan done @sel2223?

That's probably true @physicskate - and when I say he doesn't acknowledge, he is supportive of me sleeping loads more and rubs my back when it aches but I dunno, there is also an element of non recognition over many other daily things.

OP posts:
otterbaby · 12/07/2020 20:04

Seconding the private scan, my husband has loved them. We found out the gender together and just did a 4d scan as well. We went to window to the womb.

It'll probably also help once you start to feel movements, when ours starts kicking, I hold his hand on my tummy so he can feel her and he loves feeling her and chatting to her!

sel2223 · 12/07/2020 20:09

@IckleShields we went to baby bond / ultrasound direct and they were allowing partners in.

Footlooseandfancy · 12/07/2020 20:13

My area has just started letting partners attend the 20 week scan so you might find he can go to your next one.

I think it's different for men - I ended up tasking mine with researching and pricing best buggy, video monitor, cot, car seat etc and that kept him occupied, he loves saving money! Meant I got to focus on fun things like eating cake and buying baby grows. Tbh, I'm pregnant with our second and neither of us are that excited at the moment - too busy trying to get the eldest sorted out for the new arrival!

NerrSnerr · 12/07/2020 20:23

I have had two children and my husband never held my bump or talked the the baby. He didn't like feeling for kicks (I think we talked about Alien too much during pregnancy). He is a hands on dad and is an active and engaged dad. Come to think of it I don't think I talked to either baby before they were born either.

MillyDilly · 12/07/2020 20:25

Presumably most fathers bonded with their babies in the pre-scan days?

TeaAndStrumpets · 12/07/2020 20:43

We had our children in pre-scan days, and not every dad attended the birth. DH was nervous about the birth but determined to be there to give me moral support. The baby was only “real” to him once she was born. A cuddly little bundle is far more relatable than an image on a screen!

OlivejuiceU2 · 12/07/2020 20:43

I’d definitely get a private scan too, Window to the Womb would be a good choice.

Also recommend giving him certain tasks to do.

My DP became more excited by the third trimester, I don’t think it feels as real to them until much further down the line.

Darkstar4855 · 12/07/2020 21:01

15 weeks is still pretty early. I think it’s easier for men to get excited later on when they can feel kicks and can get involved in organising things like choosing a car seat.

IckleShield · 12/07/2020 21:09

Thanks guys :) will deffo look into private scans. He loves researching so good plan on that too!

Havlerr · 12/07/2020 21:10

I don’t think mine really bonded with bump either at the beginning, you’re feeling all these changes but they don’t have that experience. We had a private scan at 17 weeks at window to the womb which was fab and it was really special to both find out together. After that DH felt more involved and picked some clothes out. It got even better once my bump appeared and I felt movements. I’m now 35 weeks and DH is really involved and bonded well, he even reads baby books to bump in bed occasionally because he did research and found out that increases bonding. It took ages to get here but I’m glad Smile

wannabebump · 12/07/2020 21:56

I got DH involved by booking a gender scan at 19 weeks as he missed hospital appointments too due to covid.

I also bought a good moisturiser and I offer him to moisturise my bump every day. I'm almost in the 3rd trimester, he talks to my bump, pats it etc. Everything I research for baby as this is our first, I get him to check over, I ask his opinions. I show him everything that arrives, often getting him to answer the door and he's right in at the boxes! X

wannabebump · 12/07/2020 21:56

I got DH involved by booking a gender scan at 19 weeks as he missed hospital appointments too due to covid.

I also bought a good moisturiser and I offer him to moisturise my bump every day. I'm almost in the 3rd trimester, he talks to my bump, pats it etc. Everything I research for baby as this is our first, I get him to check over, I ask his opinions. I show him everything that arrives, often getting him to answer the door and he's right in at the boxes! X

2155User · 12/07/2020 21:57

It's said that women become mothers when they find out they're pregnant. Men become fathers when the baby arrives

This. DH really came into his own when DS arrived.

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