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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

38+3 and bridesmaid in wedding

20 replies

BabyKnighty1 · 11/07/2020 20:29

Friend was meant to get married in April but due to Covid it was postponed. She’s rescheduled to when I’ll be 38+3 knowing there is a chance I won’t be there which is fine. My main issue is that it’s quite far away from anything. Talking an hour to get there an hour to get back to the closest city/town. I think she is planning to have us stay the night before so we are all there ready for the make up ect in the morning. I’m just concerned that if I go into labour my husband will be an hour Away then it will take us another hour to get back to where we are birthing. Not sure if I should just get DH to drop me and stay in the area for the day or any other suggestions? Do you think it would be to much pressure to be a bridesmaid so close to my due date?

OP posts:

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cleanseTone · 11/07/2020 20:40

Is your husband not invited to the wedding? Is it your first baby?

Personally I'd bow out of bridesmaid duties and go as a regular guest if you feel up to it closer to the day.

cleanseTone · 11/07/2020 20:41

Is your husband not invited to the wedding? Is it your first baby?

Personally I'd bow out of bridesmaid duties and go as a regular guest if you feel up to it closer to the day.

sel2223 · 11/07/2020 20:41

I, personally, would step down as bridesmaid and show my face as a guest only (with hubby not drinking and with quick, easy access to the car).

I'm only 35+2 and honestly so uncomfortable. I went out for an hours walk earlier and had to come home for a nap. My legs are still aching, my hands and feet are swollen and that's not to mention all the other aches, pains and heartburn that often comes with the third trimester....oh, and the constant need to pee!

I couldn't and wouldn't be a bridesmaid now, let alone in 3 weeks time!

dobbyssoc · 11/07/2020 20:41

In my experiences (friends not my own as I was induced) labour isn't instant. It builds over a day or so.
In my honest opinion I would ask your friend if your other half can stay at the same place as you OR have a sober friend who is part of the bridal party be on standby at all times

FatherBrownsBicycle · 11/07/2020 20:43

At 36 weeks I was suddenly suffering so much swelling I couldn’t even bend my ankles, I just had to slide my feet along to walk.

DS was born at 38 weeks. I would bow out in your shoes.

sel2223 · 11/07/2020 20:45

Don't forget as well that you are considered 'term' from 37 weeks so could have a newborn by then.
Bowing out before would be better than suddenly going into labour earlier and your friend being a bridesmaid down having planned and paid for everything.

Ragwort · 11/07/2020 20:46

Honestly, just step down gracefully as a Bridesmaid, everyone would fully understand that at such a late stage in your pregnancy it is just not reasonable to be a bridesmaid, the bride might be secretly relieved, she probably didn't feel able to say 'totally understand the new date is not convenient for you'.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/07/2020 20:48

In my experiences (friends not my own as I was induced) labour isn't instant. It builds over a day or so.

This is simply not always the case. I was born 40 minutes after my mum's waters broke. My first was born 2 hours after mine broke, and my second was born less than an hour after my water's broke. Neither my mum or I had any symptoms or twinges before our waters broke. It can happen very, very quickly for anyone. I barely made it to hospital for my second. I would bow out now and enjoy the day as a guest if you are up to it.

HavelockVetinari · 11/07/2020 20:53

DS came at 36 weeks after a textbook pregnancy. Luckily I'd stopped travelling for work 4 days before, and DH had just got back from his last business trip that day so we were OK. If I were you I'd tell your friend not to rely on you, as you might not make it. And if you're knackered and struggling to sleep, I'd just bow out now, anyone reasonable will understand.

sel2223 · 11/07/2020 20:54

In my experiences (friends not my own as I was induced) labour isn't instant. It builds over a day or so

Even if this were true, would you really want to be centre stage doing all the bridesmaid things for the whole day while in slow labour?

Fandanglethat · 11/07/2020 20:54

I'd step down and be a regular guest with a distinct possibility of not attending at all. DC1 was born 38 weeks exactly and DC2 at 37+4.

dobbyssoc · 11/07/2020 21:37

@sel2223 I meant that in that she could wait until the day to decide if she could go or not?
I'm presuming she is not maid of honour?

dobbyssoc · 11/07/2020 21:38

@Aquamarine1029 as I said this was in my experiences. I simply meant she doesn't need to make a decision now

AntiHop · 11/07/2020 21:41

I wouldn't go to the wedding at all. I wouldn't want to be travelling away from home at 38 weeks. I worked until 39 weeks, but I was not far from home.

fiadhflower · 11/07/2020 21:46

A friend got married when I was 36 weeks’ pregnant. Was overseas so I sadly couldn’t fly, but I would have been absolutely fine to go if it had been in the same country. Same at 38 weeks. Same at 40 weeks really.

But I wouldn’t have wanted to be very far from my husband at 38 weeks, in case anything happened. And probably wouldn’t have been in for an overnight stay - was sleeping very badly at that stage.

Do you know if she’ll expect you to do much, or are you just there for the photos? Either way, if you don’t think you’ll be up for it, no one will blame you.

Original poster

BabyKnighty1 · 11/07/2020 22:02

Thanks for the replies, DH Is invited but isn’t a part of the wedding party so will be staying at home the night before and joining us around 3pm the day of the wedding. The bride is fully aware I might not make it and is ok with that, she has us buying or own dress so it’s only really make up and hair she is paying for that she would likely not have to pay for. I’m not the maid of honour either. It is in oct so might wait and see, I’ve had a really good pregnancy so far, still working out and no bad issues apart from slight tiredness, bring on 3rd trimester I guess

OP posts:

CoolNoMore · 12/07/2020 04:43

We're all different, and pregnancies vary massively, but I'd go for it! I was one of only two bridesmaids at my sister's wedding, both of us pregnant (I was 36 weeks, she was 20) and it was fine. Maybe it was unusual, but I didn't have to actually 'do' much. Walked down the aisle, yup, but then sat in the front pew. At one point I went to speak to the caterer to delay the meal... that was it. A few photos. Groomsmen did all the lifting/ driving/ running around trying to find people for photos.

I'd have your husband stay nearby though, but being an hour away from a hospital shouldn't be an issue at all. If it's a first baby it's waaay more likely to be a late and long labour.

Ultimately, it's up to you and how you feel, but I'm 38 weeks on the dot today, feeling great and would be gutted if I'd passed up an opportunity of a fancy dress and a bit of fun. Plus, professional photos of you and the bump :D

BeMorePacific · 12/07/2020 08:19

I’d definitely plan on going. But I went to 42 weeks with my 1st born, I was very glad I had plans right up until 40 weeks.
Your friend sounds very chilled about the whole thing, so I’d just see how you feel.
Really the main bridesmaid duties are the ceremony and some photos. You could leave after if you didn’t feel great.
But I think some dancing at a wedding would be the best way to kick start the latent phase of labour.
The only thing you may want to consider ifs staying at your own house the night before. Just so you can prioritise your comfort and sleep. xx

river12 · 12/07/2020 09:43

If I were you I would plan to go ahead as bridesmaid, but just do bare minimum. Wear the dress and walk down the aisle etc, and discuss with the bride that you won’t really be able to do bridesmaid duties. Don’t arrive super early and get ready with the bride and other bridesmaids as I think this will exhaust you, see if you can come later, do the ceremony, and then leave early. Trust me you’ll be tired! But it would be such a shame to miss out on being bridesmaid. I think at 38 weeks I would have been happy to do this, but see how you feel nearer the time, hopefully the bride will understand!

2020AUG · 12/07/2020 10:17

I was meant to be a bridesmaid at 35 weeks (wedding has been postponed due to covid). Its my best friend so stepping down wasnt really an option. She had also suggesting staying together the night before. At the time it was suggested I had no idea how I'd feel at 35 weeks and didnt think much of it, but now being this heavily pregnant I think I would've really struggled. I can't sleep without my huge pregnancy pillow, and even then I'm up every couple of hours to pee and often am awake for hours half way through the night. I definitely would have also struggled with the evening reception as I'm so tired come the evenings.

Do you need to spend the night before with them? As someone else has said can you turn up a bit later to get ready with them? She does seem very relaxed which is great.

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