Positive stories of successful pregnancies at 40+ bmi?

[SpunBodgeSquarepants]

Hi everyone,

I am currently 8+3 with a bmi of 44. I had a scan on Tuesday and saw a healthy foetus with a good heartbeat. But I've had 2 missed miscarriages and I can't stop worrying that my weight is going to cause a miscarriage. I have a private scan booked for when I am 11+2 but that's so far away. Does anyone have any positive stories to help my anxiety? I am now eating healthily and have cut way back on the crisps/sweets/chocolate so I'm hoping my bmi will drop anyway! Thank you.

Yep, my booking BMI was 43 with my DS1 (who is now 2.5 and snoring away right here). Perfectly healthy pregnancy and a wonderful ELCS at 39 weeks because he was breech.
Am currently 23 weeks with DC2 with a similar bmi and so far all is well.
It can make the early scans more difficult (cue lots of polite euphemisms for "fat"), but it's not the be all and end all.
You may be consultant led if you have a secondary factor (with me it's being over 35) but I loved that because I got extra scans to see the baby more.

Congratulations OP, you deserve this xx

@YouBringLightIntoADarkPlace thank you so much, I have a DS who is 6.5 and I had a bmi of 33 when I conceived him and still got shit for my weight, god knows how I'm going to be treated this time around.

Hopeful bump...?

My bmi at booking was 42.3 or 43.2 (?) Can't remember which!!

I'm currently 34+3. Have had 2 previous losses. This pregnancy been relatively straightforward other than sickness from 12-18 weeks and diagnosed with gallstones at 32 weeks. My care is split between midwife and consultant. 2 growth scans and glucose test were the only "extras" I have had.

My midwife said to me please don't be offended that we keep referring to your bmi, we just need to make sure all is OK. There are ladies with a higher bmi than you been fine and people with low bmi had issues, everyone is different.

Don’t doubt your body. I’m so sorry about your previous MMC, but it’s likely that your BMI was nothing to do with it.
Fat is so demonised in the UK. But your body is incredible and it is capable of producing a healthy baby. Wishing you all the best for a happy and healthy pregnancy xx

Bumpity bump x

I've had 2 babies with a BMI > 40, in two different countries.

I got so much more hassle for my weight in the UK than in the other one, where they still told me the risks, but adult to adult, rather than as some kind of judgmental blaming.

For the second I had the Glucose tolerance test (for the first one I declined it, and nothing more was said) - lots of assumptions and meaningful looks as I nearly fainted during it after drinking the syrup - came back perfect.

Also declined the aspirin (again, only suggested in the UK) after reading that it often causes pregnancies to go overdue, and I went to 40+10 last time, plus I didn't have any of the issues it was given to prevent (this may not be the case given your history - but read up, don't just take their word for everything) - the consultant was baffled, but still not willing to say why I should have it, apart from 'BMI > 40, it's policy' so stuff them.

Honestly, it's not your BMI causing problems - don't let them fob you off with that - the UK is awful for blaming everything on weight and not listening to what else is going on.

@YouBringLightIntoADarkPlace thank you for the bump ♥

@BeMorePacific Thank you for that, I know it's possible as I've been looking at plus size pregnancy accounts on Instagram, but ever since the beginning of covid-19 I've been suffering from anxiety which I never have before and being pregnant has just added another layer to the anxiety onion 😂

I wasn't quite at 40 but not far off. I was treated terribly throughout by the consultant told there was no way I'd deliver without a c section etc.
I had preeclampsia but we have a family history of it but in terms of glucose test and other things my weight was going to cause I had no issues whatsoever.

Just be strong and stand your ground

@TreestumpsandTrampolines The sensible part of my brain knows its not my weight that caused my miscarriages - they were blighted ovums, so it was chromosomal abnormalities most likely, but this baby has been 5.5 years in the making and I'm scared to come this far only to lose it.
I didn't know that about aspirin causing you to go over your due date - I have been taking 150mg aspirin every morning. I think I need to do more research. Thank you so much for that.

@dobbyssoc interesting you say that about your consultant, I got to 9.5cm with my son and my midwife reckoned I was doing really well, only to have a consultant come in and check me 5mins later to tell me I needed an emergency c-section. It's like that all have an innate hatred of all obese people. To be honest, as long as this baby is OK, I'm going to take it all with a pinch of salt and just keep reminding myself I'm lucky.

I was over 40 and got treated like I was mentally defective.

My family has a high resistance to local anaesthesia - a genetic quirk where most of us need higher doses and some need a general even for dental work. They made me see an consultant anaesthetist and I told him for that reason I wasn't keen on an epidural as there was a high risk it would fail. He was confidently could get it to work.

On the day DS was back to back and I ended up asking for an epidural. The bastard gave me one - and was rather nasty about my difficulty in presenting my back - and rather than wait to see if it worked fucked off.

Well it failed and took and hour to get him back during which time has and air stopped having any effect on me.

All could have been avoided if he'd accepted I know my medical history better than him.

Apart from that DS is a healthy 2.5.

I was over 40 and got treated like I was mentally defective.

My family has a high resistance to local anaesthesia - a genetic quirk where most of us need higher doses and some need a general even for dental work. They made me see an consultant anaesthetist and I told him for that reason I wasn't keen on an epidural as there was a high risk it would fail. He was confidently could get it to work.

On the day DS was back to back and I ended up asking for an epidural. The bastard gave me one - and was rather nasty about my difficulty in presenting my back - and rather than wait to see if it worked fucked off.

Well it failed and took and hour to get him back during which time has and air stopped having any effect on me.

All could have been avoided if he'd accepted I know my medical history better than him.

Apart from that DS is a healthy 2.5.

@SpunBodgeSquarepants honestly I hated my consultant so much. She told me on our first meeting due to your BMI you are at more chance of bleeding out, loosing your baby etc.
My midwife later explained that this wasn't the case but could happen to lots of people etc.
I was going to launch a complaint after DS was born but never did

It's harder not to be intimidated with your first child as well,- we have it drummed into us that medical professionals are god-like beings who never express an opinion but in fact they are only human.

This time round (2nd baby) I'm much more confident in expressing what I do and don't want and I am just ignoring the euphemisms.

It makes me sad that so many people here have been made to feel negative about the most exciting event in their lives.

Just discovered this thread as a young woman trying to get pregnant in a bigger body and just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your stories here!! It's encouraged me that my body can do this ❤️

@dobbyssoc I just love they way they say 'due to your BMI you are at more chance of bleeding out' after having stuck you on aspirin 'because your BMI puts you at greater risk of preeclampsia' so use to to 'increase bloodflow across placenta'

fact of the matter is, BMI doesn't take into account any muscle mass you have, its height to weigh. So if you're short and have alot of muscle you have high BMI.

Rugby players would have high BMI, even though they have high muscle mass

Had my DD1 at 34 with a BMI of 56. Absolutely uneventful pregnancy and ELCS as she was breech. Couldn't have went any smoother. I should add I have absolutely no health issues relating to my weight or otherwise (BP always normal, no blood sugar issues etc).

19 weeks now with DC2 and a BMI of 57. Still no health issues apart from sciatica/lower back pain thats most likely work related. Was taken into hospital for heavy bleeding (subchorionic haematoma and cervical polyp) but baby is absolutely fine. Growth spot on. No other issues although sonographer couldn't get NT measurement so my age (38) and high BMI automatically made me high risk for downs when I had the quadruple test. Had NIPT whixh came back all low risk. Midwives said its just the way the risk is calculated. BMI plays a huge part. You may run into issues like this (although yours is nowhere near as high as mines!) but successful and healthy pregnancies can be had for us larger ladies. Our bodies are more capable than we think 🙂

Oh @violetglow7 what a gorgeous post! I've just found out I'm pregnant, I'm not sure on my bmi but I reckon it's in the late 40s. I am terrified of the health care professionals being awful and judgemental to me! I say this as a registered nurse myself, I wouldn't ever dream of being awful to any of my lovely patients.

I know I need to just suck it up and refer myself to maternity services!

Thank you! And congratulations!! I wish I had discovered Mumsnet when I was pregnant with my daughter as I would have benefited from seeing other positive stories. Midwives and consultant back then were a bit more adamant then that my BMI would cause huge problems and it gave me the fear. I had no issues but it was so bad I even had an argument with the anaesthetist just before my section as she tried to send me home stating my BMI would stop her doing the epidural properly. It was 2 hours of back and forth conversations with her and the surgeon (who disagreed with her) before I plainly had to tell her I wasn't going home and risking going into labour with a breech baby and having an emergency section. She gave in, epidural and spinal were simple and worked perfectly and the surgeon actually came round after and congratulated me on standing my ground. Funnily enough as soon as baby was out she exclaimed "right I need to go and try and catch my flight!" and another anaesthetist stood in....suspicious 🤔

This time I think the team have realised ny BMI never caused any issued first time so they are a bit more chill about it. I don't mind the comments and quite often make a joke myself during scans about it being more difficult because of the extra fat. I hate the thought of anyone feeling awkward and trying to pussyfoot around saying why its more difficult. You'll get some that go on about it and some that don't. Hopefully for you the latter! Good luck with your pregnancy! X