needing support

[Graziemille88]

I am wondering what kind of mental health support I can get from my GP at this time? I'm extremely early on (5 weeks) and still not even sure what I'll do but think I am having a bit of a hard time. I haven't told family or the father, and think they will be less than delighted. Having a hard time at work which makes me worry a lot about supporting a child on my own, and my parents are splitting up and I don't want to burden them. I am very privileged in owning my own home and have good qualifications etc, but I am quite stressed still about how I would provide or how I would even cope with day-to-day parenting. Alongside a pandemic, I am feeling really overwhelmed to be honest, and I have a history of depression. Is crying for hours normal at this stage?

That sounds shitty. The first trimester is crap imo. It’s exhausting, confusing and you often feel sick. The best thing to do is register as pregnant with your gp. They’ll refer you to a midwife who can crack on with sorting appointments etc. You can also make an appointment with the gp to discuss your mental health. There are things you can do to help with anxiety and depression including medication.
Good luck OP. X

I would say its worth speaking to your GP. I had mental health support organised for me by the GP before I even saw the midwife because i was struggling badly at about the same time of 5/6 weeks.

In my experience, first trimester was very difficult for me emotionally, then I stabilised out a bit more in 2nd trimester, then I feel pretty much back to my normal self in 3rd trimester.

I think it's really normal to worry about things at your stage, but honestly it does all come together and calm down after a while. It's a lot of information to take in at first!

Have you received counselling in the past for your depression? Maybe you could get in touch with that counsellor again? Or another. It sounds like you really need a listening ear, I’m sure you parents separation is probably having an impact too.

Hi. Firstly yes you can feel sick, tired, exhausted and up and down. Low mood unfortunately was something I had for the first 8 weeks. Then I was fine.

Secondly. You must only do what's right for you. Not your parents. Take it from someone who aborted a baby at 18 because I was heartbroken from my family's response. I really suffered. I will never put my daughter in that place.

Listen to what you really want. Don't panic. Just think about the "journey" do you want to be on it? Would you enjoy it knowing your family was happy? Being pregnant is a big change. I have two young kids now. I had nausea and exhaustion for the first trimester. But the rest of it was a good journey to motherhood. I have loved the last five years. No regrets.

If you feel you can then write abit more about what you want. Sometimes in life you just have to stuff other people and out you first.

You can talk to the gp. Sometimes they are helpful. Sometimes they may not seem helpful. But there's plenty of help out there for you. Tommy midwives was great. I rang them once when I was struggling with morning sickness and feeling down. Perhaps contact them?

Be kind to yourself and try and think over the next few days what you want. Feel free to message me too. I'm always on here at some point each day x

I was desperate to get pregnant after TTC for years yet still felt similar to you when I did. Not crying as much as that though, at least not regularly. I'd say definitely push for some support. Doctors etc sometimes treat you as if you're only 'maybe pregnant' until 12-weeks which is very annoying cos I'd say it's definitely the hardest part. So you may need to push to see someone soon - don't let them fob you off til your Booking Appointment which won't be for at least a month. Ask for a referral now to perinatal mental health services - most areas have specific services for that. Hopefully it will help to talk it through. And talk to friends too - the 'keep it secret til 12-weeks' thing is such bollocks. I've had three miscarriages and never regretted telling people.

Thanks all, I think I might want it, am just quite confused still. Ironically, physically speaking I have been completely fine and haven't felt remotely sick - I am emotionally fragile but have the constitution of an ox! But I am speaking to my GP on Monday and will ask about what support I could get. I feel like I have really messed up a few things at work and then reacted in quite an emotional way, which is not great - I am someone who gets habitually stressed out about professional/work issues anyway, but this is exacerbated by feeling like if I had the child it would be reliant on my sole income. I will ask - my GP knows I have had anxiety and periods of feeling down in the past. And yes, my parents splitting up is an additional factor, so I appreciate what's been said here that I need to think about things for myself and not allow others to project their own anxieties onto me.

It's normal to panic. Especially if you are alone at the moment. It's hard to explain. But you will feel totally different as a parent. The truth is nobody is ever financially ready. Unless you are already rich. People emotionally fear alot of different aspects of being a parent. But we all find a path that works for us. Yes babies cost money. But they don't have to be really expensive. Their are many tips I and many other parents could give you on things.

Things like baby nappies are very popular from places like aldi and Asda now. They are so cheap. I believe less than £2 for newborn nappies. I paid £2.99 for Asda nappies.

Right up to things like clothes. Asda are so cheap for baby clothes. But people also sell bundles or pass things on.

Way into the future school uniforms are so cheap from supermarkets.

Prams don't have to cost £700 and cots don't need to cost the earth.

You will get money each month called child benefit. We all get that. It's about £20 a week. I think I get £136 for two children. When you think about the price of milk and nappies that covers it. That money can also cover clothes. I'm not saying it's a miracle and you are probably not worried about these random things I've mentioned.

We all make mistakes at work. We are human. Don't beat yourself up about things.

Definitely speak to the gp. But also give yourself the next week to focus on being a mum and how it makes you feel. Does it make you feel terrified? Does it make you feel happy. Do you feel having a child will make you feel your life has more of a purpose? Once you know what you want. You have some options then. If you don't want to keep the baby then that's ok. It's your choice. If you do want to keep the baby you will do absolutely fine and you will cope. It's the best thing. It really is. You will discover a strength you never knew you had. Have you got a good friend you can talk to about things?

OP I could have written your post myself 20 weeks ago (now 25weeks). I had all the same thoughts, problems, MH troubles and I’m on my own too with good career and qualifications and own home.

Speak to your GP and your midwife when you have your booking appointment. I have received so much support, more from a MH perspective and physically I’m doing well (although high risk pregnancy). There is a lot of support out there for people with anxiety, depression and who are single parents too. I’ve had counseling, peri natal support, help with sorting out and reviewing my finances.

I told my friends and family quite early on, as I need too invade anything happens and with it being lock down, and they where and continue to be very supportive. I told the father at 12 weeks once I was out of the initial danger zone (due to previous recurrent Mc), he wasn’t interested, so doing it alone which has its benefits, but downsides.

Take each day as it comes, solve one problem at a time, and try not to focus on the what if’s? I’ve spent a lot of time at home alone adjusting, adapting and processing things at my pace. There has been up days and down days, but they just make us stronger. Feel free to PM if you want to chat.

Thanks all. I am still so unsure, and am wondering, given how unsure I am, whether I should do this. I spoke to the father and he said he would support somewhat financially and would have a role but nothing more. I also spoke to my mother, who has strongly advised a termination - pointing out the pandemic; growth of unemployment; the likelihood that I would mainly do the parenting myself and see the dad very little, who could easily get engaged to someone else; my relatively low salary versus a not very thrifty nature - I go into my overdraft as it is; and just how alone I would be in general. She said she couldn't see why I would do this to myself and that I would have to do alone with perhaps limited babysitting support sometimes from her/the dad. And, honestly, I don't know how I'd feel if I were parenting alone and then he married someone else, really. I think it would be terrible to start a relationship on this basis, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be emotionally difficult to see that happen, or even see a future partner cut the child out of his life. I was sort of feeling ready to go it alone but speaking to her has been a bit of a reality check - she brought up my history of depression too. I think I may ask the GP for an abortion pill to be sent to me, so I don't close the door, and give myself some breathing space. I'm still emotionally/psychologically all over the place.

Hi. I think your mum's basing it on her feelings and knocking your confidence. You don't have a child to be miserable and struggle to spend money to keep them alive. There are so many wonderful things about a baby and a child. They bring so much happiness. They become something you wouldn't ever want to be without. You will get over the "dad" I promise. you will meet new people.

You will meet midwives
Health visitors
Friends
New partners to help you. But ultimately mums do it everyday. Dad's do too! I've got a partner but monday-friday I care for my kids full time. At the weekend we both care for them. Our lives work around eachother and it's my family and I love them. Even when it's hard. I love my kids and it's never a feeling of I wish they weren't here. If anything their cuddles make me stronger. Becoming a mum would make you see so much fault in your mum's attitude!

You can go to groups and make loads of friends. You will get so much child tax credits I expect plus two year funding.

Also you will be amazing! There's so many wonderful things about being a mum. So many nice things! All the milestones. The first smiles. Learning to walk. Learning to play. Learning to talk. Weaning. Christmas. Birthdays. Their first day at nursery. Their first day at school. The way they love you. The cuddles. The bedtime stories. The weekends and the autumn walks. Watching them become independent and you know you've taught them those things. It's an amazing feeling.

Be very careful about listening to your mum's words. Don't focus on the dad either. He's not a Good man. To pay but not want to protect and raise his baby. What a coward. He has made a baby. He should be responsible for his actions. Your mum sounds really negative too.

Make sure your decision is based on what you truly feel and want. You will never forgive yourself or your mum if you do it for them and not you.

I hope you don't think I'm being harsh. It just brings back memories of when it happened to me. It's really hard to look back on it all. Xx

Perhaps. I am not genuinely sure I want a child, and would hate to do so and then regret it. Some people do find that, and then what can they do? The dad won't really be around, neither will family necessarily, so it just seems like a choice of loneliness. And I would really like to fall in love and have a good career, and I think this will have a severe impact on both of those things. At the moment I just feel a sense of dread most of the time.