Mom in delivery room

[Bettie2192]

I am expecting my first baby in December and I don’t know how to tell my mom I don’t want her to be there at the birth. It’s nothing personal to her, I love her and we are very close, I’ve just always known that I only want my husband with me at the birth, especially for our first one.
If we had a second baby I’d be happy for her to be in there with me and give her the opportunity to be with someone as they give birth as I know she’s always wanted to experience that (as do I!) but I really don’t want anyone except my husband there for this first baby’s birth. I honestly don’t know if she’ll be completely understanding or really upset. Anyone else had to deal with this?

I dealt with this although not very close with my mum (and was actually quite miffed she had even put me in that position by asking if she could be there). We were meant to have a home birth and agreed with the midwife she would just play it as "oh it all happened very quickly" however as it turned out I spent 32 hours in early labour with waters gone before an EMCS. We called and let her know the situation as we were going to theatre and on coming out from theatre there she was, blubbering mess, I wish I'd kept it quiet a bit longer in hindsight. I might sound heartless but we have a very strained relationship due to choices she made when I was young and I resent the fact she tries to fake/force a close relationship now. You honestly do need to make sure what happens in labour is what you're most comfortable with though as there's far too much that's out of your control for the supporters you want there not to be your ideal x

My mum asked, and I politely said no very much for your reasons; I wanted it to just be me and DH in the room. She took it okay. At the hospital tour too they did actually say they prefer just one birth partner as the wards can become crowded. It’s totally up to you, just explain that to her and she’ll have to be fine with it!
I had a c-section in the end anyway, strictly just one partner with me in theatre so she wouldn’t have been allowed in if she had been there!

Neither of us have brought it up so I don’t know who is expecting who to make the first move 😂 like I said I would love for her to see one of her grandchildren being born, I just really want this first experience of birth to be between me and my husband. I’ll be very vulnerable and anxious and I don’t like to share that with anyone except my husband.
I think even if she’s not there she will definitely want to be informed when I go into labour so she can sit up all night waiting for news lol.

Has she asked to be in there? If not hopefully she wont:) Let people know that you will contact them with any information when you are ready to share it and arrange visits for when you are up to it. I hated my in laws being in the waiting room when I was in labor, I kep telling the midwifes to lock the doors lock the doors!

Surely mums don’t assume they’ll be there at the birth of their children’s children? It wouldn’t even cross my mind to have to speak to anyone to make it clear they weren’t invited to be there!

I love my mum dearly but there’s no way she’d assume she’d be at a birth, nor would she ask to be.

I don’t think she thinks she’s gonna be there cos she has an unquestionable right to be there, she probably thinks I want her there, or at least hopes I do. So I guess I have to let her know I don’t!
It’s not wrong of her to feel that way, she just needs to accept that it’s up to me and also that it’s nothing personal.

I just told my mum the hospital said only one birth partner. She was a bit humpy but got over it as soon as DS was born.

Are you in the UK OP? If Covid is still around (let’s hope not!) she won’t be allowed anyway. I think most Moms don’t presume they will be present for their grown up children’s births.

Yeah UK but hoping this won’t still all be going on in December! Although they could extend the one person rule for a lot longer to be on the safe side.