Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Breastfeeding and having visitors

37 replies

erised24 · 07/07/2020 13:13

I'm planning on BF my baby but I'm not sure what to do when we have visitors (not that we will have many). Mostly feel weird about the in-laws and male visitors, brother, dad etc. I do have swaddles and covers I can use but does it still make it really awkward? I know it's natural to feed your baby but I can't help feel self conscious about it in front of some people. Would it be worth prepping some stored breast milk and a bottle or two for when we know people will be visiting?

Just to add the visitors will only be people who have been isolating like myself and husband have been.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Hileni · 07/07/2020 13:19

Once the baby is on the nipple you really can't see anything. What worked for me was saying I need to feed the baby now but I haven't mastered latching on discreetly yet, can you look away for a few mins and make a joke out of it. Most of the male visitors were like 'no problem' and went in the kitchen for a brew or in the garden for a bit. It's honestly more awkward for them and it's quite comical.

But tbh, by the time you've given birth and all the gore, you won't care anyway flashing a boob to anyone. Welcome to motherhood.

roundtwist · 07/07/2020 13:20

I would wait and see how you feel when baby is here. Personally I was fine feeding in front of people, the baby's head covers you up pretty well. You can get a cover or express and use a bottle if you wish. You might find at the start if it takes you a while to get a good latch, you want to go somewhere upstairs and private to feed.

LesNanas · 07/07/2020 13:22

But tbh, by the time you've given birth and all the gore, you won't care anyway flashing a boob to anyone. Welcome to motherhood.

In the nicest possible way, having a child didn't mean that I was suddenly OK with flashing people.

OP, this was partly why I chose not to have any visitors for three weeks. It worked out well and gave us both some time to get used to being FT parents before we factored other people into the mix. I'd recommend it to anyone.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 07/07/2020 13:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

nervousnelly8 · 07/07/2020 13:24

I wasn't comfortable feeding in front of ILs - I found BFing really hard and painful for 5-6 weeks, and having spectators really didn't help. Just get your partner on board and make it clear when you want to feed. "Ah I think it's time for a feed now" was my husband's cue to take his mum/dad/sister/grandparents into a different room.

Username273451293445z · 07/07/2020 13:24

I felt awkward when visitors came, so I just went upstairs if I needed to feed him.

Lockdownmum1010 · 07/07/2020 13:25

When she was tiny I used to go upstairs - while we were figuring out breastfeeding I couldn't manage it discreetly and I didn't feel comfortable in front of visitors. Also, I found it a good excuse to get a bit of peace/get my baby back from visitors!! Now she's bigger I sometimes just use a muslin as a bit of a cover if I want to, or other times I would still go upstairs for some peace as she does get quite distracted (obvs covid has meant this hasn't been much of an issue of late!!)

INeedNewShoes · 07/07/2020 13:25

Before I had DD I would have thought I'd be weird about this but once she was here I was happy to just get on with it.

Though I did plan my clothes a bit more carefully if I knew there'd be people around who'd be embarrassed by a flash of boob. My most modest feeding clothes turned out to be maternity vest tops with enough give that I could pull the top down below a boob and then another top over the top which I'd lift up. Like this, all anyone will see is the back of the baby's head buried in between two different items of clothing!

I wasn't so keen on proper breastfeeding tops that you pull to one side as I have huge boobs and it meant a lot was exposed.

nervousnelly8 · 07/07/2020 13:27

@FoxtrotSkarloey you're nice to leave the room. I kicked everyone else out of the room I was in when I wanted to feed but that will probably depend also on how your recovery is progressing, it took me a good 10 mins to get up or down the stairs for a few weeks post birth!

Itsjustabitofbanter · 07/07/2020 13:27

I refused to use covers, too fiddly hot and uncomfortable. With people I was comfortable with I just fed in the room. Everyone else I just went upstairs to feed. It’s no big deal really

Livingoffcoffee · 07/07/2020 13:28

Honestly don't stress too much about it now. You'll find different levels of comfort with different visitors. Around my FIL/BIL I usually went to the nursery to BF, or sometimes would throw a big muslin cloth over us. With my family, friends and MIL I'd either just do it there (baby's head does actually cover most of you) or maybe use a cover.

Livingoffcoffee · 07/07/2020 13:28

pinkblossomdreams · 07/07/2020 13:31

Really look into getting the apron with the rib at the top that allows you to see your baby. Its revolutionised my breastfeeding journey with my second. Remember sat when he was a week old in Paddington Station and feeling liberated. Boobs hanging out whilst we both go to grips with breastfeeding. About to have my third and I don't feel any of the anxiety I did have with my first.

Heartlake · 07/07/2020 13:33

You need:

Feeding bra
Strappy stretchy vest (m&s underwear ones are good
Loose-ish fit t-shirt
jeans/shorts/skirt on your bottom half
Cardigan or loose shirt offer the top

as A PP said, pull the vest down and the top up and you'll be comfortably covered all around. If you need a tiny bit of extra cover drape a scarf over your shoulder on the feeding size and rest it on your chest above the babies head, with the other end pulled down to your outside hip. You'll be snug as a bug inn there, won't look like you're trying to hide and you're not actually covering the baby either. Test your elbow pub the feeding side on a cushion, and put your feet on a beanbag or stool inn front of you so that you don't stretch or strain anything. Good luck!

Cupoftchaiagain · 07/07/2020 13:34

Best bit of pre baby Breastfeeding advice I got : plan to spend the first 3 weeks on your sofa with your boobs out and a good box set to watch, don’t invite anyone Round you don’t want to see you in that condition ! I didn’t actually follow it to the letter, but it helped me set my expectations...

Heartlake · 07/07/2020 13:35

Jeez typos!

Shirt over the top
Opposite hip
Rest your elbow
in not inn

espressoontap · 07/07/2020 13:38

Hi OP

Whilst I was figuring BF out I asked people to leave the room whilst I initially latched DS on then they came back in, once they're on you really can't see anything. You can put a muslin over your boob if you really want.

As DS got bigger and I got more used to putting him on I just did it, or I should say DS did, I would just position him then unclip / pull top up or down (dependent on what I was wearing) and he'd be on in a nano second.

Good luck I loved BF, expecting no2 in sept and can't wait to do it again.

Greenmarmalade · 07/07/2020 13:40

It’s really easy to feed discreetly when you and your baby have learnt how to do it and your baby latches on easily. Until then, I think you’ll want to go to your room to somewhere comfy with pillows/blankets ready to prop up the baby, and to be able to uncover your whole boob. Even when feeding my dc3 and 4, I’d do this (particularly post csection). Some babies pick it up easily and some take more work (my dc4 was v difficult to latch on, even though I knew how to breastfeed).

OverTheRainbow88 · 07/07/2020 13:42

I would just go to another room when someone was over who I didn’t feel comfortable feeding in front of, poor my father in law!

However now my DC is 18 month old he just shouts boobie pull down my top and kisses my boobs!!

kenandbarbie · 07/07/2020 13:44

Until you get used to it it can be awkward. For the first few weeks I found it easier to go and breastfeed upstairs when we had visitors. You need to establish the breast feeding and that's more important than entertaining. As you get more comfortable with it you'll be fine. Also get good breastfeeding clothes which make it easier too. Bshirts are good, you can feed and still be covered up.

userabcname · 07/07/2020 13:44

With my first I was very shy and used to go into another room. Bf my second now and no longer care - I just feed wherever. It's not like they can see much - most people politely look away when latching and once the baby is on there isn't much to see. I find specific nursing tops are quite good for discreet feeding.

ClaraLane · 07/07/2020 13:58

My FIL just used to look away/find an interesting spot on the wall to stare at while I latched baby on or he’d go into the kitchen for something. No way was I moving in my own house.

With the best will in the world OP, don’t underestimate how time-consuming expressing milk for a bottle is. Plus you’ll need to express when baby is having the bottle and then there’s all the feelings that come with arguing over who’s going to feed the baby. I remember the first few times my husband gave DD a bottle of expressed milk - I went into the kitchen and sobbed because it felt like she didn’t want me anymore. No one other than DH gave her a bottle until she was well over 6 months old because it would have really upset me.

ClaraLane · 07/07/2020 13:59

You can also try feeding in front of the mirror so you can see what other people can/cannot see. I always used to have a muslin tucked into my bra strap too in case I needed to mop anything up and to hide my boob if she pulled off.

LuckyC27 · 07/07/2020 14:04

I'm planning on breastfeeding with my first, assuming it may be difficult and painful the first few weeks so will likely pop upstairs to feed when we have visitors over. We have bought a chair for the nursery and OH is on board as it will likely be when his family/friends are over ill feel most uncomfortable.

Nicelunch25 · 07/07/2020 14:05

I would go with the box set no visitors expectation the previous poster suggested and then if you feel better once you are in it allow visitors. I had various awkward visitors and in laws were very funny about it and I felt awkward and feeding was painful so I didn't do it as often as I should have which meant I was then up all night feeding. Not good for me, recovery or baby. I think it's nice to be in your own little bubble for the first few weeks without needing to have a schedule. Helps get feeding and some sort of routine established. Good luck. Lasinoh moist healing cream and a decent electric pump if you are planning on expressing.

Flip

1 2