Stuck in limbo

[MissLM84]

I had a miscarriage last week.

Bleeding started on Thursday, very light and gone by Friday. Symptoms of pregnancy gone by Saturday, negative test on Sunday.

Called EPU on Monday as I was unsure if I would need a scan to make sure everything was gone. Exact words were “the negative test means it’s resolved itself, sorry about that” before the phone was hung up on me.

I know I’m probably lucky that it was over so quickly; I’ve read countless miscarriage stories online and they each sound horrific in their own way.

But in a way, I feel cheated. I had very little physical pain apart from mild cramping, less blood than if I were on my period. I feel like I need some physical pain to match what’s inside me.

It’s almost anti climatic, the end of a pregnancy brings something. Whether that is a baby, or a miscarriage. I got nothing apart from an empty feeling, almost as if I was never pregnant.

I wish I’d never known I was.

So sorry you had a miscarriage. I remember the empty feeling so well from both of mine and I experienced loads of pain and bleeding in my first and significantly less of both in my second. It doesn't change the grief you're feeling but it's totally normal to feel this way. Take comfort that the miscarriage is complete, that's what I tried to do because I couldn't face anymore waiting.

Have you been given any information or support? I found the Miscarriage Association really helpful, they have loads of leaflets on their website that you can download and read through in your own time. Tommy's is another charity that has some really useful information. Your hospital may be able to put you in touch with counselling groups for people who have had miscarriages, although I'm not sure if they're on hold at the moment.

Here to chat if you need it.